Today will be 4 days of no overeating in December, and 27 overall.
I have been getting seriously mired down by restrictions today. For example, “No 100 calorie snack, because I had 100 calories of wasted calories three days ago when I was starving.” No more! Once again, I didn’t bring enough food to work, so I got so hungry just now that I felt awful…have you ever been able to feel your blood sugar bottoming out? I feel that way as soon as hungry turns into ravenous. I feel tired and sick, and aches start popping up all over my body as though I’m 60.
Anyway, there were these little Hershey’s nuggets sitting in a dish beside me. I looked them up on CalorieKing, and they are 50 calories each. Not the most appropriate snack, but my only other options at the moment would have been hard candy or a plain potato (only topping available - butter).
So, cling to the restrictions, or eat and feel better, probably avoiding a binge later? I ate.
I don’t feel bad. I know that I need to bring more healthy snacks in to work. As soon as we make it to the grocery store, I absolutely will.
The only sacrifice that I’m making tomorrow is no mints, because I had two today. I need to keep the limit at one, because more start to add up.
Two days in a row now, I’ve had people tell me that I’m too small, and I need to eat more. Then I was reading on the forum about how people were celebrating coworkers noticing their weightloss acheivements. What irony.
The whole issue really makes me angry. People (especially women) need to stop commenting on young womens’ weight. It doesn’t matter if it is a fat or skinny comment. Just don’t do it. You have no idea what is going on in her life, you have no idea of circumstances, and you have no idea just how much a careless comment can - and often does - negatively affect her.
One of the ladies in the office actually told me yesterday that I needed to eat a cheeseburger - and kept insisting when I protested! Then she and a couple of the other ladies stated that their comments were simply due to their jealousy of me.
These ladies are around middle age, and most of them are a little bigger then average. They eat junk left and right. It’s not like I was born like this. I fight every day to maintain the work that I’ve done. What right do they have to be jealous, or make comments, when they have probably never even tried as hard as I have worked?
Overall, I’m happy, satisfied and proud of the weight that I’m at, and the body that I have. So it wasn’t until this morning that I realized that one of the reasons I slipped and fell into a painful amount of food last night was because of that comment. Deep down, despite the confidence and self-esteem that I’m working to build, it made me feel really badly about myself, and my ability to be judged by who I am, rather then how I am. So I ate, both to comfort myself and to satisfy that stupid comment.
I feel like just because I’m in my 20’s and a size that most women never even get to, they might not view me as a mature and smart individual. I’m ashamed to say that sometimes, on some level, I may even cater to that mindset and act out the role that I feel they have me boxed into. Sometimes at work, I sure act dumb or needy, and I haven’t really been able to figure out why until now.
As an older sister and a very insecure woman, I have become hyper sensitive to how much a random comment can affect someone. I have based entire weeks of behaviour and eating on some random comment made by a complete stranger - usually a woman. I know that it’s because I want to be accepted by other women, feel a part of a community. I know that others - especially young girls - are affected deeply by something you might say and not spare a second thought to.
Give her a thumbs up when she does a good job. Compliment her strengths. Help her work on her weaknesses. Just don’t help her base her self worth on her body and her weight.
All I’m asking is that next time, think twice before you open your mouth. I know that I finally do.
