Halfway through massages, I tend to think, “Why don’t I do this at least once a month?”
And although yesterday’s got off to a rocky start (”When are you expecting?” I’m not. “You’ll have to forgive the lack of aesthetics.” Oh, you mean how you’re keeping the Dollar General torchiere on the whole time you’re doing me, and how trailer-trashy the place looks, including the tacky sheets? At least paint the ’60s paneling a different color than stark white!).
For the first 10 minutes, I wasn’t sure I’d told her the truth: That I didn’t care what a place looked like, I only cared about the massage. It was kind of hard to relax, especially after she kept apologizing profusely about assuming I was pregnant. Oh, and then, apparently I was upside down on the table when she came in. Well, what the heck is the bolster pillow doing, all the way down on that end, anyway? I didn’t see the little donut pillow for my head on either end, so I figured the table sort of reflected the dysfunctional aesthetic of the place, and she was using the bolster for my knees as a head pillow.
BUT– it turned out to be an incredible massage, much better than the far-out, New Age “menses” (ick) lady who gave me the creeps (Ow, you’re hurting me. “Are you on menses? Most women are extra-sensitive around their periods.” Thanks, I haven’t had a period since 1988. Now lighten up the pressure or I’m not paying).
Anyway, this masseur (I don’t know if they like “masseur”, but it’s shorter to type and say than “massage therapist, and it’s MY blog!) was extremely talented, and she has fingers that have great pressure, and can find the “crunchy” spots immediately. My feet never felt so good. The only time it hurt was when she was doing my butt, and she explained it was because I sat on it for most of my job. Kinda like my feet hurt because I’m carrying so much extra weight, I’m taxing my doggies.
I’m going to recommend to our HR person that we let her do chair massages at our workplace. I think it would be awesome, relieve a lot of stress.
***
I was happy to see I was down to the 188s first thing this morning. After the walk, breakfast, and 2 cups of joe I was up to 191, though. So I think, from now on, I’m going to record the lowest weight I achieve every day, along with the higher weight (just so I can beware that I’m shooting for keeping the lower one as a goal, and that someday, that will be tomorrow’s high weight for the day).
Amazing how “fat” is often in our heads.
(Oooo. What an inspiring post I’m about to make.)
Posted on May 15th, 2008 by nike
Filed under: General | 3 Comments »
I’ll take the first for 189.2, Alex. (I wish.)
Mom and Sister came over last night to preview my tent dress, aka bridesmaid dress. My 120 lb., 5′8″ sister was freaked, I think, as to how big I am and what it takes to dress me (girdle & corset combo, several sizes she never dreamed existed, like 16 & 18, finding out even Talbot’s doesn’t make an 18P).
Maybe she’ll be a bit more thoughtful, before she spouts off again with her infrequent, “I’m so fat! Look at this 2-lb. weight gain on my butt, and this extra 1/2 inch of flesh on my upper arms!” remarks. But, alas…. I doubt it.
Anyway, both mom and Jenny seemed to like the Ann Taylor dress, ‘tho I’ll have to get it altered PDQ. It did seem to fit better yesterday, than a couple days before. Plus, my sister was able to actually zip the original, green dress from Coldwater Creek up, thank god. Couldn’t do that before.
Also, I found out that I’ve been eating wrong on my 6WBMO diet. Something about how, salmon is a “D” fish, and I should only be eating A & B proteins. Also, I’m supposed to have HALF (not a quarter) cup of Fruit A (berries, pineapple, grapefruit), and not any B Fruits at night, at all (like the whole apples I’ve been eating).
Tonight, I get a massage. YAY! I’m so happy.
Posted on May 14th, 2008 by nike
Filed under: General | No Comments »
It’s the journey, not the destination. I’ve got to be able to enjoy my weight loss, and learn to love taking care of myself, treating “exercise” and “diet” as expressions of self-worth.
Ridiculous to hope or expect that others will love me more than I love myself.
Posted on May 13th, 2008 by nike
Filed under: Self Inspiration | No Comments »
Aye-yai-yai. WTF? I’ve been doing 6WBMO pretty darn faithfully for the past 2 weeks, and only 6 lbs. lost?! My friend’s wedding is May 23. MAY 23RD!
And so, my sister and mom are coming over tonight to see what I look like in my pretty, ill-fitting bridesmaid dress (the fat one, the back-up dress). But mom and I have already made a date to look for a REAL back-up dress in The City on Sunday. But I’m still keeping my alteration appt. on Monday.
Maybe a miracle will occur in the next 6 days.
Mother’s Day. Saturday, we cleaned out PIL’s gutters and landscaped, although they initially wanted us to only landscape. I had the bright idea to attend to the gutters, and it was a darn good thing, too.
They got the “new” gutters in 2002. They’ve NEVER CLEANED THEM OUT ONCE. The downspouts were clogged with leaves, and there were about 4 inches of water in each one. Which of course, the weight caused them to sag and pull away from the roof. The whole time I’m cleaning out the gutters, FIL is ragging on me: “That’s not a safe ladder!” Uh, excuse me, why would you have an UN-SAFE ladder in your possession, then? “Use this ladder, it’s a lot safer.” Oh, you mean the rickety wooden one that looks like you’ve had it out in the rain for 20 years? No thanks, I think I’ll stick to the “unsafe” metal one and take my chances.
Went for a bike ride last night and it was awesome. Made pretty good time. We’re definitely doing the MKT trail ride this year. Yay!
Pitfalls avoided: ILs’ fat-food palace.
Succumbed to: My aunt’s lunch on Sunday. Fried catfish (2 small pieces) and hush puppies (1), tartar sauce (2 tsp.), baked beans (1/8 C.), deviled eggs (2 halves), green olives (2), cashews (1/4 cup), and inch-long deer sausage pieces (4-5), 1/2 C. ramen noodle salad. THAT wouldn’t have been nearly as bad, but then I had: peanut butter pie (1 inch sliver), 3 pieces of sugared pecans, and pecan pie (3 inch sliver, but no sugar added– just corn syrup, which is bad enough).
In my defense I did NOT have: Seconds on the hush puppies & catfish (even though they had a ton left); beer or soda.
UPCOMING PITFALL: It’s a MAJOR one, and I don’t know what I’ll do yet. My friend’s “bachelorette” outing on Saturday. We’re supposed to go to wineries, and eat cheese, sausage, dried fruit, etc., and I just don’t wanna. I mean I DO WANNA, but I’ll feel incredibly guilty and horrible. Just horrible, if I eat and drink like they do.
I’ll have to figure something out this week.
Posted on May 13th, 2008 by nike
Filed under: in-laws | No Comments »
I’m not posting my weight today because I DIDN’T LOOK!
Yesterday wasn’t an especially HARD day. Wasn’t an especially LONG day. But I CHEATED, CHEATED, CHEATED.
First, there were the 2 tiny pieces of cake at my best friend’s at-work wedding shower. THEN, when I came home, I just wanted to go out to dinner with my H, and feel like a human being. So I had a large Pasta House salad (wasn’t as good as usual, even), and minestrone (tough meat), and a roll with “Promise” margarine (best part of the meal, actually). And decaf w.creamer. I enjoyed the experience of dining out, though.
THEN, in a crazed, dazed moment (brought on by the carbs?) I talked H into going to DQ. It wasn’t that hard. I just whispered it insistently, twice. He was about to back away from the ordering kiosk, but a car moved in behind us. Instead of getting a medium chocolate extreme blizzard, though, I got a small chocolate cone dipped in chocolate. H, instead of getting the waffle-bowl brownie sundae, got a small regular sundae.
Sooooo. Even though we didn’t do very well on our diets, we DID enjoy our “date”, and boy it was necessary to have that leisure time, too. We hadn’t done anything that was face-to-face in a long time– Usually, it’s sitting silently in a movie theatre staring straight ahead. Or going to a museum and looking straight ahead (in H’s case, down at his watch). Bicycling separately, staring straight ahead.
Plus, I’m proud that, faced with a variety of choices, we were more conservative in what we ordered. We didn’t spazz out over pasta, although H said he thought I should go ahead and get the seafood pasta. (Turkey!)
Some interesting statistics, numbers:
340 cal. in the chocolate-dipped cone. I worked off 360 cal. this morning doing 2.5 mph on the treadmill for 1 hour on a 1% incline.
Bulletin to self: Just googled DQ. I would’ve saved 100 cal. if I’d gotten the plain, small chocolate cone. I’d have saved 150 cal. if I’d ordered the sugar-free chocolate dilly bar. I’d have saved 290 cal. if I’d ordered the fudge bar.
OK. Lesson learned about DQ.
Unfortunately, I have no idea how many calories I had at Pasta House, since they’re a comparatively small chain restaurant.
It really irks me that chain restaurants, which corporately-speaking are one step away from fast-food, don’t have to supply nutritional information. They should at least have to provide it online, if not make the information available on their menus.
I subbed Olive Garden’s nutrition information on the Daily Plate, though, and I suspect I had about a 600 cal. meal, taking into account the salad, creamer, roll & soup. And estimating it on the high side rather than the low side.
Combine that with the 400 cal. DQ cone, and that’s 1,000 cal.
unfortunately, it doesnt’ just stop there, though. I DID go nuts (as well as H) when I got home, and popped popcorn in oil, covered it with salt, butter-topping, garlic, parmesan and lemon juice. That was probably 800 cal., if it was a cal.
Not very good. Guess I’ll hop back on the treadmill tonight.
I looked up bulimia yesterday, and found out I’m predisposed to it. To be quite honest, I actually have made myself barf 2-3 times in my life, about 10 years ago when I was working out and eating right and about 128, trying to get down to 120. I’m 38 and should know better than to start now, but it just seems like a logical choice, in this society that surrounds one with fabulous food, 24-7. That estimate of 1.5-2 percent of women being bulimic seems so laughingly low to me. I would make a serious bet of, let’s say, $2,000 that bulimic incidents are horrendously underreported.
If I was younger, these days, I’d probably make myself throw up all the time. There’s so much pressure to be skinny, and equal pressure to eat high-calorie foods.
These days, it’s almost insane, or at least unusual, NOT to be bulimic or obese.
Posted on May 8th, 2008 by nike
Filed under: General | 1 Comment »
While I weigh less than I did yesterday, I really stepped into a pile of chocolate this morning.
I ate cake at the employee get-together for my friend and her fiance (oh, and drank sparkling grape juice, which is also completely against my diet). Ironically, I’ve been trying to avoid such fat food so I may squeeze into the bridesmaid dress I’ll wear at her wedding. Thank god I’m the only one standing up with her, and she’s letting me choose what to wear. But still….I really want to look less tent-like….
But I really want more carbohydrates. The fattening kind, like the triple-chocolate cake and marble cake pieces I had. I mean, each of the 2 servings was, like, 1.5″x2″ on a sheet cake. I could have done a lot worse.
But that makes me think…”I could’ve done a lot worse….but I didn’t….so why don’t I just pop off the cork and go nuts ALL THE WAY and get a stuffed-crust pizza and a chocolate extreme blizzard?” yet I’m also thinking, “I could’ve eaten a lot more….Why didn’t I when I had the chance?” and also, “What have I done? I’ve set my metabolism back…”
And we didn’t even walk this a.m. Was too tired. H was thrashing around like a flounder in a boat last night. Snoring. Snurfing. Ick.
Future pitfalls (totally overlooked today’s!): Thursday, have an appt. with my dr. in “the city” which might screw up my eating arrangements. Will take along a cooler if I have to. Sunday: Another cheating thing, because I’m not asking my aunt to cook just for my diet when we celebrate mother’s day. And I’m not lugging along my containers of food, either.
Posted on May 7th, 2008 by nike
Filed under: General | No Comments »
Truly, health requires a lifestyle change. It’s not a combination of diet or exercise program.
It’s WHO I MUST BE. Part of who I am. It’s how I behave, and what I must do. How I think. An attitude shift.
It’s got to be mental and physical. Being and doing. Thinking and acting.
A lot of times, the people who are most miserable (or worse, who are misery carriers — the kind of people who make OTHER people miserable) are the people who think and say:
“Well, this is WHO I AM. I can’t help it, I’m just like this.” Often followed by such lines as, “Get used to it,” or “Deal with it,” or “I wouldn’t be true to myself if I changed.”
Which is all well and good if the behavior or personality attribute isn’t negative to self or others. But if it is, then it’s just pure, selfish sentiment.
I can’t help it if I like the color green. I can’t help it if earthworms and slugs ick me out. I can’t help it if I’m a Caucasian female.
But I CAN help how much food I put into my mouth, and what kind of food it is. I CAN help how active I am, how I behave on the job. I can control my attitude with self-talk, cheer myself up when I’m glum, take positive steps to either correct or accept negative actions or consequences.
There were influences that helped me get as fat as I am, but I was an accomplice. I might not be able to control all those influences, but I can control my response.
Posted on May 5th, 2008 by nike
Filed under: Self Inspiration | No Comments »
Eureka. A breakthrough. After 8 years of marriage, in the midst of cleaning all the nooks and crannies that H always ignores on his “get-it-done” cleaning sprees, I realized the way we both view, maintain, and clean the house resembles the way we view, maintain, and “clean” (i.e., solve problems, avoid negative communication, etc.) our marriage.
He’s going through the motions, but he’s not actually getting the job done, and I have to go back and do a lot of the work he missed, the next time I do the job. But when I clean, I get so bogged down that a lot of other things are put off, or I do a rush job on them, or I don’t even get started on cleaning, because I’m so daunted by the project (which, partly, is because I have to also take care of the things he missed).
His idea of clean is, “I ran the dishwasher, everything in there must be clean, so I’ll just put everything away without looking at it.”
My idea of clean is, “Well, the dishwasher sometimes misses stuff, so I better make sure it’s clean before I put it away.”
Somewhere, we need to find a happy medium between his laid-back, “I’ve got better things to do in life than worry about the details,” and my “It’s not clean unless it’s spotless.”
Probably if we had kids, we’d be too busy for this sort of navel-scrutinizing BS! 
At any rate, on the weight-loss front, I capitulated a little at the church auction and actually ate the dinner (things like mashed potatoes w.sour cream & butter, roast beef shoe leather, iced coffee, regular coffee with cream, and a mini-chocolate cup with chocolate mousse piped into it. And poppy-seed dressing, walnuts & mandarin oranges on the salad).
But I was pretty good on Sunday, although my 2-our nap screwed up my eating schedule a bit. I was 192.2 last night, but 194 this a.m.
Still, my weight-loss from last week has been 5-6.8 pounds. Not bad!
PITFALLS AVOIDED, Saturday: Breakfast buffet options like bacon, biscuits, danish. The winery with all the snack food & alcohol. I also could have eaten a lot of other stuff at the banquet, like the chocolate cupcakes Sheila passed around, candies and cookies on the table, wine, beer, all of my salty green beans.
PITFALLS AVOIDED, Sunday: Pizza. H brought up pizza. No way, no how.
FUTURE PITFALLS: None today!
Posted on May 5th, 2008 by nike
Filed under: General | No Comments »
Yesterday afternoon, I checked out some of the plus-size clothing links available on this site. Yikes.
Amid a few very good links, I noticed some definite similarities in the bridesmaid, cocktail, and after-5 dress departments among many of the sites:
1) Big girls like black, black and black. Or shrill colors like electric blue, canary yellow, lime green or raging red. Or shades of brown. That was 80 percent of the color choices. Sophisticated, subtle, non-sherbet pastels were few and far between. Please give me taupe. Cornflower blue. Sage green. Paler yellow. Peach. Lavender.
2) Nylon – sweat-producing, thin, bulge,-cellulite,-and-pantyline-visible nylon — is a plus-size clothing manufacturer’s staple. For which they should burn slowly over over a pit of flammable nylon.
3) Hardly anyone wants to admit that fat petite girls exist. Talbot’s certainly doesn’t. 16P, 18P, 20P, and 22P, please. In their online Women’s-size section, they don’t even give the option of shopping for dresses. I can just hear their pinched little voices….”Please…The big girls wouldn’t want to look draped in a circus tent, would they? It wouldn’t be fair to them….or US.”
4) And while we’re on the subject of Talbot’s, WHY can’t larger women be afforded classic styles, instead of shapeless or uber-trendy pieces of clothing?
I’d like to open a clothing store called “Short and Fat” (in my opinion, a slightly less offensive moniker than, say, “Fashion Bug,” or “Dress Barn”). It would carry nothing but petite clothing constructed in a respectful, classic way.
Mostly durable, substantial, natural fibers. Drawstrings instead of elastic waists. In-store alterations. Three-panel dressing room mirrors that show the back and front simultaneously. Styles that reflect unique, yet classic lines. Chic offerings for women 250-400 (like Indian-style saris, kimono dresses, etc.). Nothing too loud in color, or abrasive in pattern.
Pretty expansive daydreaming for someone who flunked her apron project in home ec, eh? Well, one can dream. OR LOSE THE WEIGHT! (oh yeah….right….)
This morning, same as the last couple days, I weighed 193.8 before walking the dogs. After breakfast (2-egg-white omelete with snipped chives, tomatoes, & homemade ketchup; an apple slice; mug of coffee w.rice milk & splenda)….I weighed 195.
Which is why many smart people say, “Don’t weigh yourself every morning!” Such a pain in the rump that weight can fluctuate that way. But I’m in it for the long haul, so I’m not too worried about it.
Posted on May 2nd, 2008 by nike
Filed under: General | 3 Comments »
H and I are back on the Mort Fertel bandwagon. We’d tried doing his marriage fitness boot camp last summer, but fell away from it entirely. We also fell away from working out, dieting, etc. We have to get back into the healthy behaviors.
My matron-of-honor dress arrived from Coldwater Creek and it’s too freakin’ small. I’m going to have to find an back-up dress in the same sort of style, in case I don’t lose the weight fast enough to get into it. It’s a freakin’ 16 petite, and I’d probably have to lose 20 lbs. to fit into it. Lord almighty.
(UPDATE: just bought one from Ann Taylor. Size 18. Hope to god it doesn’t have to be tailored too much. It arrives next Wednesday.)
Still, the wedding is 3 weeks away. It’s actually possible, but I’m not comfortable shaving it so close, out of respect for my friend. So, back-up dress it is.
Pitfall avoided: Tuesday Night Supper Club, I brought my dinner (turkey meatloaf, homemade ketchup & rice, with veggies, and a banana) and some Fresca and saved myself probably 2,000 calories. I skipped chocolate fondue, buffalo chicken dip, crabby muffins and mini-pizzas. And strawberry margaritas. OMG, it’s so hard being the only sober one there and not wanting to kill people when they get obnoxious-drunk without you. It’s really a situation in which it’s better to join in, than tolerate.
Pitfall avoided: Spring picnic where I work. Skipped ice cream, popcorn, hot dogs, potato chips, etc. Ate my meals and when I got home, I weighed 5.2 lbs. less than I did earlier this week. Hallelujah.
Future pitfalls: Weekend’s coming up (usual cheat time), and Saturday will be especially busy. Food dangers: Graduation breakfast, retirement party, church auction dinner.
Other pitfalls coming up this month: Another bridal shower, the bachelorette party, the wedding.
And then, after the wedding, niece’s graduation (oy, in-laws are fat foodaholics), the local weekend festival, my Chicago cousin’s visit, etc.
But I can do it!
Posted on May 1st, 2008 by nike
Filed under: General | No Comments »
