The Big Winery Day is tomorrow, otherwise known as Bachelorette Party. Three friends and I are taking the bride to all the local wineries, from 12:30-6 p.m. Oy gifelte fish.
Shopping for the snacks was EXTREMELY difficult, trying to figure out what would taste good, without really thinking about its taste at all, and I decided in the store and after I got home, I’m going to try to pack my own stuff and stick to my diet.
I was really aware of myself at Aldi. Physically, I could feel my pupils dilate, my heartbeat quicken and my mouth water as I chose the dill Havarti, the cheese sample plate, hard salami, mixed nuts, dried apricots, devil’s food cookies, pirouettes, crackers, milk chocolate & dark chocolate bars and veggie dip. I picked out strawberries and carrots, too, the only damn things I can eat that I bought. *sigh*
Emotionally, I was aware that I felt cheated, shortchanged, ashamed (that I had no choice but to be conspicuous about eating NONE of it, if I’m to survive on my diet). I felt a little dejected that I’d let myself get so fat that I wouldn’t have a chance to enjoy the day to its fullest. I felt a little panicky as I looked around at the store full of 95% things I shouldn’t eat, and feared I’d capitulate, either buying some crap for myself, or cheating on myself once I got the fat food home. I was kind of mad, too, that I wasn’t going to be able to enjoy the day like everyone else, because of my situation, because “society values only thin people,” etc.
…..And you know what? THAT’S A CROCK OF SHIT! Because as I’m typing the above, the Skinny Part of my brain is saying, “Are you for real?! You’re going to predict your enjoyment of your best friend’s bachelorette day, based on whether or not you can eat FAT FOOD with everyone else? Get a GRIP, woman!
“Love yourself, already! Who cares if they can eat it and you can’t! What they put in their mouths is their business, and what you want to put in your mouth (and wear later) is YOUR business! The diet and exercise, is working, WORKING, I tell you! so concentrate on the good TIMES, the good LAUGHTER, the good BONDING, the good STORIES, and even the good FOOD you’re going to pack for yourself, and let THEM enjoy the stuff you provided! Enjoy the fact that THEY’RE going to enjoy it, how about that!?
“It’s not about eating for FUN, it’s about enjoying the PEOPLE you’re with (at this junction, the smartass Fat Part of my brain queries, I’ve never had people, how do they taste?).”
Keep talking, Skinny Part of my brain.
“And another thing, you’ve lost 11 pounds! 11 POUNDS! That’s no small potatoes! You’ve got a lot more to lose, but this is progress! Reward yourself and respect yourself by allowing yourself to keep up the good work! The next goal is 170, and YOU CAN DO IT! Just don’t slow down your metabolism now, and you’ll make it later.”
I love the Skinny Part of my brain. And it loves me, too. …… Awwww.
Here’s what I’m thinking for tomorrow:
Breakfast & mid-morning snack: Same as usual.
Lunch at the club: Got to call Eric and ask him to make me a boneless, skinless chicken breast with NO salt or seasoning whatsoever, no marinade, and just grilled or broiled, no oil. And a baked potato, with salsa on the side (the salsa’s a cheat, it’s loaded with sodium, I’m sure). And a salad with only greens. And a couple of lemons, so I can put it together with sweetener for dressing. Or maybe I’ll ask for balsamic vinegar.
Mid-Afternoon Snack: 1/2 C. sweet potato chips, and 2 oz. shrimp w/ cocktail sauce (my homemade ketchup– and the prepared horseradish is a cheat. I should grow my own. Hmm).
Dinner: Turkey meatloaf with sticky rice and ketchup (it is SO good), and cucumber salad, maybe? Mmmmm.
And, I’ll do another cheat and take Fresca to drink instead of wine.
AND THEN, I’LL SMOKE AN ENTIRE PACK OF CIGARETTES. Since I’m being so healthy and all!
*sigh* I think, once I get down to 170, I’ll probably quite again. As it is, I just took it up again after 35 easy days without, but my ILs just drove me nuts on Mother’s Day Saturday, and smoking really made sense at the time.
People say, “If I just smoked a pack a week, I’d never quit!” but it does affect my wind. I’m better without it.
UPCOMING PITFALLS: I think we’ve adequately covered that area. ‘Nuff said. Except for the praying.
Posted on May 16th, 2008 by nike
Filed under: General
Leave a Reply