The quest for happy imperfection…

Alright, that was a little overly dramatic. But, I am, currently, at the point of the week that provides the most temptation of all- late night after youth group. Usually there’s some stress (tonight isn’t really any different) for whatever reason, I’m always hungry, and usually weak to the Siren Song of The Bell. But not tonight. I’ll admit it, the craving is strong, but there are things I want more. Like shedding my fat suit (I’ve got sweaters, I don’t need the insulation!) and developing a healthy relationship with food. (Hi food, I’m Jessica. Can we be friends?)

On top of that, I fought off my nemesis today. Have I mentioned that I work next to an artisan french bakery? That makes delectable slices of heaven that make me weak in the knees? Or the almond croissant that acts as my diet kryptonite? Today, my coworker from the other office was up, and she asked if I wanted anything. (Normally we wal over together on Wednesdays and grab a lil sumpin’ sumpin’) I said no. I didn’t even want it. For once, I was SATISFIED with what I had. And I think that, in the end, thats what this whole journey boils down to. (in more ways than I can count)

When all is said and done, today was pretty good.  I didn’t wake up early (operator error with the alarm clock. will improve or else face floggings) but a strange thing did happen- I woke up hungry. Not actually when I got out of bed, but at 815 (I usually eat my first part of breakfast at 930 or so) What is that about? It’s a good thing, but still. Waking my metabolism could be like waking a sleeping giant. Or, it could just be waking my metabolism. Whatever.

I also didn’t manage to get Lucy on her walk. I know, I’m horrible. But, we split youth group for the first time so now I have to be at the church before 6, instead of before 7. (jr high is now from 6 to 7 and highschool is from 730 to 830) And, since I had to play chauffeur as well, I had to leave the house at 535. 35 minutes is just not enough time to get a walk in, eat dinner, change, and go.

I did though, fall prey to the dark side. Kind of.  Because it was the first night of the split, and the fact that we had some people protesting the split (primarily the middle school girls who forced the split by hitting on highschool boys) we had a really small middle school youth group. So we went over to McDonalds and had icecream cones.  I must admit, it was actually quite a dilemma. I didn’t really want the cone, was feeling good about my eating on plan, and had no idea how many calories were lurking in said cone. In the end, I gave in and had one. Why? Because I don’t feel comfortable “dieting” in front of middle school girls. Since they don’t see me enough on a day to day basis to see what I eat (and that I splurge!) I don’t want them to get the impression that you have to forgo icecream to lose weight or be healthy. And most importantly, I didn’t want want to make any of them feel self conscious about eating icecream either. So, I ate the cone. It wasn’t originally on the plan, but it was good. (PS- It turns out the cone and its contents are only 150 calories)

I’m still absolutely flabbergasted by how many calories it takes me to be full. Or should I say doesn’t take.  I’ve decided that I need to come up with a way of adding more calories to my days, because even with my icecream cone, and some popcorn (yum!), and the apple pie filling apples I had for dessert after lunch (double serving), my day has topped out at 1383 calories. Being under is fine as long as I go over some too, but not every day. So, off to make myself eat more. (HA!) I think I’ll add a piece of fruit, and make my eggs three eggs scrambled instead of 2 whites and one whole. Huge changes? Nope. But they’ll help even it out. Maybe a few more crackers to go with my tuna snack, make my next batch of muffins with nuts and some more fiber… we’ll see.

Overall, I’m feeling damn skippy. I didn’t come through with all of my goals (I haven’t finished my water for the day either and its almost 11) but I’m not upset. I want to prompt change, and I am. Who cares if I miss one here or there? Once again, this is just a quest for happy imperfection…

This just in- weighed in at 206 this morning. That would be, that’s right, 2.5 pounds down from yesterday. Is it water weight? Yup. But hey, if I can whine about it’s arrival I can certainly celebrate its departure.

So today was a five out of five day. I got up early, I followed a meal plan, I tracked my food, drank my water, and Lucy and I actually doubled our walk to 40 minutes. That’s right, I put my @$$ kicking shoes on this morning

Food was pretty good again, I found that when I eat things that I feel are healthy, I enjoy them more.  My breakfasts are two parters (part at 8, part at 10) with a zucchini bran muffin first and scrambled egg whites (with one yolk) and broccoli later.  It just seems like it gets me off on the right start.  Add a little snack of some tune and a few whole wheat crackers and I’m not starving by lunch like usual.  I have to say that I am shocked at how full and satisfied I feel on so few calories. I’ve actually eaten 1300ish calories a day and not even been hungry for more, which is just ridiculous to me. Technically, I’m supposed to be eating around 1680 calories a day, and so I am eating low. But, I know that it will average out and some days will be more. If not, I’ll start making a better effort to eat more. (HA! Never thought I’d say that!)

So I woke up early and… wandered around my house. I did a couple short floor exercises, but I honestly felt a little clueless as to what, exactly, I planned on doing. What a dunce. Oh well, these things come with time.

So, today’s recap- weighed in at 206, ate 1441  calories, walked Lucy twice as long, woke up early, drank my water, tracked my food, and planned ahead.

Excited about: 2.5 pounds, feeling good, planning a vacation, a cute idea for pumpkin carving

Meh: sinus pressure.