Fear of Falling
I am coping with some major fear stuff today, not directly related to my eating. Fear wears me out and tells me I won’t be able to do it so I should not try. Fear creeps into my eating in that I have been successful for the past month in curbing my binge eating and in losing weight. In the last few weeks, I have only had a handful of binges and they have been pretty small. The weight loss is almost scary. In week 1 of trying to not binge I lost 7 lbs and the next week 3 lbs. The past two weeks, my weightloss has averaged 2 lbs a week. So I’ve lost 14 lbs in a month. That’s a lot of weight loss, but it shows how bad my binges were, which could be as high as 5,000 calories. Imagine eating so much in a 3 hour sitting that you gain a whole pound. So when I stopped bingeing 2-3 times a week, some of the weight loss was automatic.
But I’m working at getting in shape now. Eat healthy, exercise as much as possible. I pretty much stay away from sugar and white flour. I didn’t do it on purpose- it just so happened that sugary foods like donuts and flour products like pizza needed to be off the menu. I indulge in moderation (well, I try). I ate the smallest piece of bread last night. That was all I needed, a taste. Truth is a hunk of bread would not have been more satisfying. I think its okay to eat what I want, but I have to be careful, it doesn’t turn in seconds and thirds. At an Indian restaurant recently, I lost myself in flaky naan which kind of ruined the meal for me because I ate everything in sight.
So bingeing is better and I’m working out. And people have noticed the change. At a party last night, at least 8 people made comments. It was nice, but scary. I have lost weight before and put it right back on. I fear a fall coming, now that I have bought some smaller clothes. So I spent way over my budget for some medium size shirts that barely fit. And that means they will look really good if I lose more weight and they won’t fit if I gain. A gamble. I hope I’m up for it.
Haven’t binged in almost a week. It is really exciting to see my progress. Hope I remember that faith is the antidote to fear.
Filed under: binge eating, fear
I am working the program and trying really hard to remember the progress not perfection thing. but it’s hard. I go through periods where I lose a lot, then gain a little back and it’s discouraging, but if I keep doing the stuff that isn’t good for me, then I’ll keep gaining, and if I just try and get back on the wagon, then I’ve still lost a significant amount of weight. anyway, I know I’m rambling. sorry
Fear’s my big thing too! One day I sat down to blog & realized I could easily begin every sentence with the phrase “I’m afraid.” Unless I’m being chased by a hungry bear, there’s little reason for me to invoke the phrase “I’m afraid.” & it does nothing for me to use it, sometimes like a crutch.
So now when I feel a batch of “I’m afraid” phrases coming along, I try to switch them around to something positive, which–like all self-help mumbo-jumbo–sounds easier than it really is.
A lot of people whose blogs I read are trying to focus on things like “a perfect week” or “a perfect 10 days,” where their exercise & food is on track for the full time. I really like this idea, but for me, I think I need to aim smaller: a perfect day. If I can just get through the next meal, just say “no” to the next temptation, I think I’ll make it.
It sounds like you’ve come to the same conclusion & it’s working like gangbusters for you! I’m sure you’ll be in those size mediums in no time.