I’ve noticed how easy it has become to be obsessed about every morsel of food that I ingest.  I dont like that feeling, it makes me feel like food is in control and I dont like that.  There will always be parties that include foods I may not eat on a regular basis, but I don tlike that panicky feeling that I get when I think about the calories or fat that is in it.  I should be free to eat it no matter what it is because it is something I would not normally eat, and I dont need to have a lot of it.  It’s simple right?  So why do I get so stressed out about food??  I love food.  I love everything about it from the taste, to the texture, to the feeling of being full.  I am addicted to it really.  The thing about a food addiction is that you can’t cut it out of your life like you can drugs or alcohol.  You still need to eat to live.  Some days I find that it is getting easier, other days I think I can NOT keep doing this.  Planning meals, making lunches, it works…but it is mentally exhausting sometimes.  I have been so tempted the last few weeks to pull up to a drivethru and just go for it.  But I know that will put me right back where I was 7 months ago…and I do NOT want to go there…yet I still want to eat that food.  This is SO hard.  Harder then anything I have done, and even though I am thrilled with the results sometimes that doesn’t seem like enough to keep me wanting that food.

It seems SO simple.  Eat less, choose better foods, exercise.  And it works….but why does it have to be SO hard all the time??  Right now I want nothing more then to go to timmy’s and order one of their sausage, egg, cheese english muffin things and have a big iced cap with it.  It’s probably the equivilant to about a 3/4 day worth of cal’s…but I miss it!  The thing about doing that is it could easily send me into a downward spiral and bad choices.  You know what I mean?  You get a taste of it and instead of satisfying you it just makes things worse because you just want more of it. 

AHHHHHHH Im hungry!!