Little Black Dress Bound

Don’t you hate when you get so mad that you cry? And shake?

And here is the break down of all the stuff going on in school:

Tuesday: Spanish Chapter 1 test
Wednesday: Marketing midterm
Thursday: Psychology paper due
Friday: Spanish paper due & math midterm

The last couple days I’ve started to get a little annoyed with my roommate, but I figured it was largely due to my stress with school and figured my weekend at home would clear that up. I did fine with all of this, until today. So after I got back from eating dinner I went to my favorite study spot and started studying for my math midterm. Everything was going pretty well, then I started hitting a lot of problems I could NOT figure out, I started getting really stressed out. So I was going back to my room and I decided to give my boyfriend a call. No answer. And that is the 7th time I’ve called him today and he hasn’t answered. This may seem extreme but he works from home so he has his phone with him at all times, and he texts me all day long but its impossible to get him on the phone. So I texted him saying I wanted to talk to him, he responds with “I’m busy”.

He is ALWAYS busy. I hate this stupid excuse. All he’s doing is reading something online, or playing video games. And he always acts like he can’t help it, its not his fault he’s busy. I just got so angry. And I need to keep studying for this stupid math test but I don’t even know what to go over. Math is usually my best subject but this teacher is just RIDICULOUS!!! I mean he’ll give us a new rule or theorem, then he’ll take the entire class explaining the proof of the theorem and NEVER gets around to doing examples of how to use the theorem. Which would be really helpful…considering thats what we’re tested on. Yeah, and one time someone asked for an example and he said that examples were boring. He is so arrogant. Whenever I go in to ask him for help he acts like I’m some idiot for not understanding. He is this short stalky ugly man and I just want to kick him. I mean he’s a grad student so he couldn’t be much over 30 and he’s already got a receding hairline. I know his appearance has nothing to do with it. And if he was actually a good teacher I’d probably find him endearingly eccentric. But he’s not so I don’t.

And I just wish that for once I could talk to my boyfriend when I want to talk to him. And you’d think that on such a stressful week for me he’d be understanding of that. But no. He’s too much of an idiot to get it.

All I want is to get tomorrow over with so I can go home for the weekend.

Well I don’t know what has gotten into me the last two days but I’ve been actually wanting to work out, and that NEVER happens to me. So last night my friend and I went and played badminton for about 45 minutes, and instead of heading back to my dorm I stayed and did the bicycle for 30 minutes. I can’t believe I even lasted that long, for some reason the bicycle more than anything makes my thighs really sore. And then this morning, I made a spontaneous decision to go do some cardio before my “body sculpting” class. One thing I think I need to work on is my eating on the days I work out. In my mind I should eat just as much as if I hadn’t worked out. Cause to me, eating more defeats the purpose of exercising. I mean right now, the daily plate says that I can eat 1600 more calories for the day..that is more than my normal daily target by 300 calories. And I already ate breakfast and two snacks. I don’t think I could eat 1600 more calories today if I tried. (Well..I don’t mean that literally..of course I could) The thing is.. I’ve recently, as in 4 days ago, decided to go vegan. There have be numerous things that have pushed me to this decision. I’ve still been getting plenty of protien, I usually have black beans with dinner. I have soymilk with my breakfast every morning. And for snacks I’ve been having almonds and Odwalla super protein chocolate soymilk shakes. But because of this decision, my choices for food is really limited here on campus. Which is sad, because I’m probably going to one of the most liberal, vegetarian friendly schools in the country. And yet still, my choices are limited.

Here is what I mean, so far today I’ve had:
9am: 1 cup cheerios w/ 1/2 cup soymilk (145 calories)
12pm: 13 almonds (91 calories)
2pm: 1/2 bottle of Odwalla super protein shake (170 calories)

On a day I hadn’t worked out I probably wouldn’t eat again til dinner, where I would have stir fry w/rice and veggies, or a mexican rice bowl w/ black beans and salsa. However, if I do that now I will still be way under my calories for the day considering I burned 700 calories working out. I might go grab some fruit or something from the deli on campus but I don’t even feel hungry. I could make myself a salad although having a salad really doesn’t sound good. I feel lost, it is so weird to me that I can’t get in enough calories. Anyone have any advice?

Well I drove home today after my last class. I am at my boyfriend’s house right now. It’s weird, last year when I came home I would be really excited but this time I just feel normal. Or I used to get really clingy to my boyfriend when I came home. But tonight I met him at Red Robin and when he walked up to me and hugged me I felt awkward, almost like he was some stranger. Then he kept wanting to hold my hand at dinner, and was saying how good it was to see me and I felt shy about it. It doesn’t feel like I’ve been gone for two weeks, it feels like I was just here. Maybe I’m just used to being gone so it isn’t as big of a deal for me to come home anymore.

Anyway, I lost 1 lb. this week. Which is good considering it is TOM. This morning I woke up and just from getting out of bed became aware of three different spots I am sore. My upper arms, my stomach and my thighs. Sheesh, that body sculpting class is kicking my booty!

Well it’s already Wednesday night, which is hard to believe. I’ve been doing really well this week staying OP even though TOM is really raging this month. And the scale has stayed at EXACTLY 165.0 since Friday URGH. I’ve been managing to get a little something sweet in and still staying within my calorie goals. Like yesterday I had a hershey’s chocolate bar with almonds, split with my roommate which made it only 115 calories. And today I had a Tbsp of peanut butter with a sliced banana, mmm! I even got some activity in today, I went and played badminton for about 45 minutes with my friend. According to thedailyplate I burned 327 calories!! I am relieved that tomorrow is Thursday, because Thursday and Friday are my slow days class wise. I am actually excited for my body sculpting class tomorrow. But mostly I am looking forward to going home on Friday, I haven’t been home for two weeks. I get to see my babies (dogs) my family, my best friend and my boyfriend.

I am getting slightly aggitated at the scales stubbornness. I am thinking it must be because of TOM but it doesn’t make me any happier. Maybe if it doesn’t drop by Friday I will just have a really big loss next week.. Or maybe I’m actually losing inches instead? I haven’t measured myself since I started losing weight so maybe when I go home this weekend I’ll pull out my measuring tape and see.

OH YEAH and on Tuesday we had the “pre-test” in my Body Sculpting class which basically tests our fitness level at the beginning of the term, then we do the same test at the end of the term to see how much we’ve improved. I didn’t enjoy it, but it is a necessary evil to be able to see my progress at the end I s’pose.

Those who know me know that I am not a morning person, last year I would sleep as late as I could depending on when my first class started. I was planning that for this year, hence I didn’t schedule anything before 12. However, I’ve decided to get myself up at 9am every morning so that I have time to have some cereal, to check my email, make my bed, etc.. I’m trying to get off on the right foot. So far I’ve done good, I even managed to get up at 9:30 on Saturday. Sunday though I pushed snooze til 10:30. I’m hoping I don’t get seriously off track this coming weekend, especially since I am going home. I don’t know why this is, but it seems that whenever I stay over at my boyfriend’s we both have a hard time getting up. Maybe it is just too cozy laying together, I don’t know, but we usually don’t get out of bed til 12 or something. Well I’ve got two projects for spanish coming up, one due Friday and one due next Tuesday. I haven’t started on either, EEEK. But considering I just got the assignments yesterday that’s not too bad. I wasn’t worried about it last night, but this morning I’m feeling anxious. Especially since one of them is a group project, I hate group projects. I don’t like having to depend on other people for my grade, and I especially don’t like having to set up times to meet with them and yada yada. I’d rather just do it when it is convenient for me. I’m sort of antisocial. I also hate when Professor’s will say “oh don’t worry either, you get to choose your group” That’s even worse, because most of the time I don’t know anyone. I’d rather they just assign groups. I don’t even know why I am talking about this. Well I’ve got my exercise class this morning, I am going to be SORE.

Well this weekend went well nutritionally. Lets see….. On Friday morning I weighed in and lost 2.2 lbs for the week! (WEEE!!) So that comes to a total of 9.4 lbs. So for my treat on Friday I had a “whammy” which is this amazing ice cream concoction I get at late night eating in my dorm, it is basically a blizzard but you get your choice of two candies or sauces to put in. I usually go for a sundae theme and get peanuts with chocolate sauce. Sadly though it wasn’t as good as I remember them being last year.. hmmm… Anyway, I was mostly on my own this weekend as my roomie went home. Saturday, I layed in bed watching I Love Lucy most of the morning. I then went and ran a few errands. Oddly enough I haven’t felt like eating much this weekend. I get that way sometimes, where eating becomes more of a hastle than something I look forward to. So last night for dinner I couldn’t think of anything on campus I wanted so I just ended up making myself some oatmeal, with almonds and some banana slices. Today, I did some homework off and on between laying in bed watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding and Titanic which were both on tv. When Titanic was over I was feeling hungry, and realized it had been 4 hours since I’d eaten. I again, couldn’t think of anything good to get on campus but I decided to get a veggie burrito but since they are so high cal I only ate half. It took a lot of will power to put it down though. I had planned on doing some exercise this weekend but didn’t make it to the gym, the pouring rain really disways me from leaving my room.

So here was my food intake for the weekend:
Saturday
9:30am: cup of cheerios w/ soymilk
11:00am: apple
2:30pm: handful of almonds
4:00pm: HUGE bowl of fruit, consisting of a lb of strawberries, a cup of pineapple chunks, and a cup of grapes
8:00pm: 3/4 cup quaker oats oatmeal w/ honey, almonds, and 1 small banana sliced

Sunday
10:30am: cup of cheerios w/soymilk
2:30pm: half a veggie sandwich & cup of pineapple chunks
8:00pm: half a vegetarian burrito

Well I have to start another crazy week tomorrow, I am hoping that I will be able to work ahead on my readings so that I can go home for the weekend. I usually go home every other weekend to see my boyfriend, friends and family. Luckily my last class on Fridays ends at 2:50 so I can be home by 5-ish…unless I hit traffic :-/ Well now that the first week is over I hope things around campus calm down a bit… We’ll see I s’pose

So ever since I turned 18 I’ve wanted to try getting a tattoo, just because I feel like it’s something I want to try at some point. Here is the rough draft of what I am thinking, I am planning to have it on my left shoulder blade so that the bird is facing toward the middle of my back. On the second picture, I really like how each individual flower doesn’t stand out but they all kind of blend in. My main concern is that the bird, obviously not realistic looking, doesn’t blend well with the cherry blossom branch which is more realistic. So what do you all think?

Today has not turned out to be the best day for me. (nutritionally I did quite well) It started out fine, although I was pretty tired waking up this morning and I wasn’t looking forward to my exercise class at 11 am (I’m more of a night person) but once I was there and I got through it I was feeling good about myself. This afternoon is when everything started going downhill. I went to go get some help from one of my professors. When I got to his office there were three guys from my class in there getting help as well. They were all sitting on chairs and couches as he explained their questions on the blackboard. They left shortly after I got there. So that left just me and the teacher. However, instead of him explaining things to me on the blackboard, he had me write on that blackboard while he sat back and watched. I was feeling self conscious because I had my back to him while I was writing, and I was wearing my tight work out pants. He kept on pulling his shirt down to cover his lap, and I thought maybe he was trying to hide something? *shudder* Anyway, he made me uncomfortable which bummed me out because I usually go in to ask questions pretty often and now I’m always going to feel uncomfortable. Later when I told my boyfriend about it, he said he thought I was overreacting and that I needed to give the teacher a second chance. Which made it worse. THEN I went to my psychology class and there was this idiot behind me who kept yelling out the answers, to questions that didn’t even need answers. He was one of those know-it-all perfectionist types. Plus that class has 500 people in it and I was feeling very crowded. After I got out of class my dad called me, we were talking, yada yada yada…then I was complaining that I don’t have enough time to shower after my exercise class so I have to go to my next class all stinky. And he goes “you’re not going to get a new boyfriend that way, that is definitely boy repellant”. (The thing is, I already have a boyfriend, whom I’ve been with for over a year) So I said “well…I already have a boyfriend”. Then my dad laughs and says “Ok, honey”. HE IS SOOOO IRRITATING. He obviously doesn’t take my relationship seriously. GAHHHHHHH

Well I am back at school for the year. So far I’ve done quite well with my eating, even though I don’t have class til 11-12 everyday I’ve been getting up around 9 and having my cheerios with soymilk. Then, because I don’t have much time between classes throughout the day, I’ve been staying on a schedule of having a snack every 2-3 hours. The snacks are usually some fruit (an apple, a banana, some grapes, some pineapple), a handful of almonds, or some yogurt. Then I have dinner around 7 with my friends. I’ve also been walking around like crazy, and I’ve even been making myself walk the 4 flights up to my dorm at least twice a day. I am definitely winded once I get to my room, that’s for sure. However, I weighed myself this morning and have gone up 1.4 lbs since yesterday. And even though I know the scale naturally fluctuates throughout the week I am still very irritated. I had a not so great week last week, and I wanted to get back on track this week…so it better be down by Friday! 

So I was walking along campus today and as I walked by Johnson Hall I was caught off guard when I just laughed out loud. The reason I was laughing was because I remembered the scene in Animal House where they are sneaking up the steps of Johnson Hall…I think to put a horse in someone’s office? (Animal House was filmed partially at my school) Anyway, made me laugh.

Well I am here in my dorm now. My roommate is sick and isn’t coming til tomorrow morning, and her first class is at 8am so she will be here very early to wake me up. Oh well I guess… I was upset coming down here. I am currently feeling okay, I had a good long talk with my roommate from last year whom I love love love. My eating was okay today, I did have a piece of the coffee cake which was my boyfriend’s birthday cake but I did good for the rest of the day. I don’t think I will be down this Friday, will probably be up…but I am going to be working out from now on. I’ve got my “Body sculpting” class twice a week, and will hopefully be able to get to the gym to do cardio three times a week. I am looking forward to taking a dance class next term. I also went grocery shopping and got some healthy food to keep in my dorm.. I got some apples, cheerios, oatmeal, soymilk, green tea, honey, and low fat tillamook yogurt. I wanted to get almonds but didn’t want to pay the high price for a pre-packaged bag of them. I am planning on going over to whole foods or winco and packing my own big bag of them from the bulk section. Anyway…am off to bed!