Through the Looking Glass

I didn’t quit, I was just super sick and basically didn’t eat a lot but ate all the wrong high point things, and this weekend was my birthday and my baby cousins birthday so again didn’t overeat but ate wrong. I am happy to report I didn’t gain.. I actually LOST! I now weigh 305! Woot!!! For my birthday I got some new clothes and they were from regular sized old navy, sure the biggest size.. (20) but it made me feel good they weren’t plus size! I’m so happy. Today I went for a LONG, LONG walk.. it was 2.5 miles and I felt great, I also went for a walk with my daycare kiddies today to the park and that was lovely. The May challenge is up, I’m gonna do 500minutes again, since I didn’t hit 500 last time.

Today at work, I started feeling really chilly.. and its about 70 degrees in my classroom. I turn it down after we go outside and come back in, so the kids aren’t dying of heatstroke.. well 70 degrees is warm, well I was freezing! It was so cold, I turned it up to 75 the kids started complaining. At nap time, I usually lay down on the carpet and chill out with them, and well I actually fell asleep. I got up and I was all dizzy and lightheaded, and thats how its been for the rest of the day. I feel terrible. I’m probably going to have to call out tomorrow, but I really don’t want to. I need the money. UGH. I asked another teacher, what it means when you’re lightheaded and dizzy, and she replied that I’m probably not eating enough. I dont really believe that one. Whatever. I’m going to try and sleep.

Throw away extra pizza. Yesterday my family decided to order pizza from Pizza Hut, well that was dumb. I got stuck eating a pan pizza, well of course the crust is so yummy you have to eat more than one. BIG MISTAKE, after I ate the whopping 3 slices.. I got wicked sick and felt terrible. I just wanted to puke, and I was like burping up foamy stuff.. I know TMI. Well I didn’t realize it was the pizza so at dinner I had another slice, and I ate about 3/4 and then realized yep it was the pizza making me sick. GROSS. I went to sleep and around 5, slept ’til 8.. woke up starving I had some ice-cream and felt better.

Like an idiot I ate pizza from breakfast, I seriously have a problem. I just love the crust.. I took all the cheese off this time at least. I counted every piece.

I hate being a food addict, like writing all this makes me hate myself so bad. It does motivate me to go to the gym.

Non - diet news: I am going on vacation to my home! YAY!! We should be moving back in August if our finances improve, but my grandmother is paying for me to vacation there for 2 weeks. It makes me happy! I just wanna go back so bad! I am however sad that when I go “The Crush” will be moving away from me. SADDDDDDDDDDDD.

I have now lost 37lb!! WOOT.

but lately it seems like all those yesterdays seem like wasted todays and tomorrows. I need to stop thinking that if I screw up today, I’ll just fix it tomorrow. I need to do this. I need to lose weight, and I need to focus. I just need to control myself!

I think its TOM, because I’ve just been so hungry and bitchy lately.

Why do I eat fast food. It doesn’t even taste that good.

I came home and didn’t feel like cooking.. so I hopped in the car and went to Wendy’s. First I only ordered a potato.. then I thought well some chicken nuggets wouldn’t be that bad only 5 little pieces.. and then I said, but what if I’m still hungry…… so I order a Jr bacon cheeseburger. Now I want to VOMIT! I suck. I hate myself for doing this, I basically had a fight with myself through every bite of food. The bad little evil voice in my head won! DAMN HER. Right after I ate I went over to the gym. I felt so guilt I even pumped up my usual 2.5 mph to 3.0, with a 5% incline. I felt better, but I still hate myself for eating that fast food. I wasted all of my points and went over.

 Next time I don’t care how tired I am, I will not get fast food! NEVER EVER AGAIN.

Oh how I hate little 13 year old kids who come into the gym and put the disney channel on and blare some stupid show! I worked out on the treadmill for 30min, and even forced myself to stay on when other people came in. I felt very self concious, especially because the others were like size 2 and were running, and I was just walking. I did do a 5% incline.. which was a nice little workout.

Work was good today, the kids weren’t as evil as usual.  After work I stopped at the store and bought some healthy stuff and some krusteez fat free brownies.. I made them and well they’re not the best! Does anyone have tips for good brownies that are fat free??

I packed my scale, and now it is missing! I’m so upset, I feel like I’ve lost and I just want to check!! HMPH!

So yesterday and today the brother and I have been going to the gym. I LOVE it. I feel so much better after a work out. Yesterday I did 20min on the treadmill, and then 10min doing arm weights. I felt great. This morning I tried the Elliptical, and well I was basically dying after 10min, I had to get off. Talk about a workout. I finished today on the treadmill, worked my legs a little on one of those machines I have no idea what the names are or what they do, lol. Then I came home and took the dog for a walk, its so beautiful out.. they said it was going to snow today.. but its bright and sunny and a bit breezy but luckily NO SNOW!!! yipeeee.

I ate some mayonaise last night, I almost pooped myself when I found out 1 teeeeny tiny tablespoon is 3pts! Never again, only miracle whip for me.. luckily only 1pt! Claps for miracle whip!

My room is almost totally unpacked I feel good about that. I also started using my scentsy candle warmer. For all of you who don’t know what that is, its part of the wickless candle movement, its warmed by a 25watt bulb and it never gets hot enough to burn you. I love them. Check them out at www.scentsy.net

Ok well thats enough rambling for me.

..SO I found the scale, and I stepped on, thinking I must have lost 5lb.. haha yea right. I gained 2! WTF! GRRRR. Maybe it is cause its lame in the day, I am heavier then. Blah!

Sooooo basically I pretty much sucked these last few days. I tried to be good, but I was so stressed. I didn’t eat A LOT, but seriously ate the wrong foods. Theres no healthy food in the house right now, because we’re unpacking and haven’t been to the store for a really big shopping, so theres just like junk.

Last night I babysat and ate MAC & CHEESE. I was thinking I don’t even want this, but I was starving. I just want some fresh fruit really.

Well today is a new day and I’m going to the gym in a few and I’ll be fine. I want to lose the weight so I’m not gonna let a couple slips overcome my mind set.

OK! now moving is done I am happy to say I did not overindulge food toooo much. I did a little, but the way we were moving stuff I don’t think I gained anything, but still thinking about what I ate (McDonalds) makes me wanna puke. It wasnt even good. It was nasty. Ick.