ME.

Some things in my life are certainly picking up - unfortunately so is my weight - haha.

Things are calmer in the house, and as hard as it is for me to speak my mind and not hold everything in - it’s worth it!

The BL challenge has started on 3FC and I am on the red team - and it’s very exciting - I’m hoping that this will help me stay OP. Last shabbos I has guests and I made a wicked choco chip brownie cake, ohhhhhh, it was all downhill from there!

Last night my DH & I went out to eat after a really emotionally rough day and I had a wonderful time.

Hark - there might be a light at the end of this damn tunnel.

15 week weigh in: 141.4

I’ve crossed my halfway mark is weight loss, and more than my halfway mark in losing my sanity.

I really am worried that I am going off the deep end, and every day is a scary challenge right now. I am considering going away for some R&R somewhere and get my strength back up. Hey - I’m sure Atlas needed some recharging every now and then, too…. The mono is getting better and my cold is going away. <sigh> Looking forward to better days…

I weighed in this morning at 146 on the nose - that’s 20 lbs gone. Wow.

It sounds like a big accomplishment (and maybe it is after eating all that popcorn and chocolate cake yesterday..) but I am not feeling very proud of myself.

I guess too much else is going on in my life which overshadows me. Doesn’t it always?

Is anything ever going to change for the better?

Weigh in - 147.4

Have to take into account that yesterday I ate a fair bit more than I would have otherwise for Tisha Beav, So hopefully tomorrow will be back down.

I went to the Kotel last night - haven’t been there for a while. I can’t say that there was a particularly somber atmosphere there - to say the least! But I don’t regret going.

I had an interesting epiphany on Friday after investing a lot of emotional energy into things that I have absolutely nil control over, and came to the realization that a person only has a limited amount of energies, and if I’m busy wasting them on matters I have no control over, I have nothing left for things that I DO have some influence on!!

So I needed to re prioritize my life a little and see where it goes from there. Anyway - that’s the main idea, the  implementation of which is proving to be far more difficult!!!

My BMI is 27.85 - in order to get is down to what it should be, I need to lose 6.8 more kgs. That’s less than what I’ve lost so far - I can DO it!!

10 week weigh-in results at the crack of dawn Sunday morning: 147.2 lbs. that makes a total of 18.8 lbs so far. (66.91 kg)

I do see a more or less steady weight loss, granted - I’d like to see a more drastic one, but I think I’m doing well. Binges are a thing of the past, food cravings pop up every now and then but on the whole - the food department is pretty much under control.

Exercise however, proves to be more difficult. I can’t seem to get back into the routine of going to the gym although i have been getting out at night and walking a lot more than I used to.

NSV - this month at the mikva (ritual bath) I saw myself on a full-length mirror (don’t have one of those at home) and usually, I wonder who that fat body belongs to. his month - I was pleased to see that the weight I’ve shed is finally apparent - at least to me, haha!!

148.2

I’m getting close to 18 pounds lost - wowzers. It’s a nice number, but I still have SO much left! I readjusted my goal weight to 120, as it seems more realistic. Took my measurements yesterday, but there’s been no change since the last time I measured <3 weeks ago> but I lost 3 weeks of serious exercise due to teaching summer school. I love teaching - don’t get me wrong - but working at 2 jobs and then coming home to family and fatigue and… preparation for the next day was NOT FUN. I did get some walking in here and there (motivated by my exercise/diet partner who had 5 KG just slide off from a virus, grrrr….) but nothing major. Gotta get back on schedule.

I thought this morning I’d be up and running to the gym (LOL mind the pun) but after only 3 hours of sleep and my partner bailing on me, I opted to stay home and “sleep”. Didn’t get any of that, although staying in bed is also fun.

So it’s the start of a new week - week 9 for me. Since the beginning of this journey, I have lost 17.8 pounds. My eating is pretty much in control all of the time, and I do have a feeling of satisfaction about that, and I just need to get back into the swing of exercise. I can’t wait to go down clothing sizes. I even have shoes I can’t wear because my feet got bigger, never mind my wedding ring….

I’m feeling so down today.. and I’m listening to Bette Midler. Doesn’t cheer me up - but I love this song…

“The Rose”

When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been to long,
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong,
just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed that with the sun’s love
in the spring becomes the rose.

Hoping for better things soon.

That’s what my little one says - and that’s how I feel. I am so very tired. And not happy with the scale. And with my lack of motivation to go to the gym.

I am teaching summer school for 12 days and that has messed up my schedule - I’m not OP with my eating because of the times, I’m not OP for my exercise for the same reason. Hmm. I’m going to weigh myself and see how bad it is:

152.4

I’ll take it - after eating 1/2 a felafel yesterday, LOL!!

So here it is:

151.4

Not bad - in 7 weeks I have gone from 166 to 151.4 - for a total loss of 14.6 lbs. Of course - I wish it was more, but I’ll take it.

Didn’t go to the gym today for technical reasons, and I woke up with a rotten headache.

Have a good week. Grr.