Finding the Real Me

Yesterday was sooo not a good day-both for food or for exercise.  So, I’m going to start putting what I eat here to keep me a little more accountable.  Not sure how long I’ll do it, but at least a few days to keep my butt on track. 

Today is better than yesterday.  It started at the DMV and my allergies are so bad that I can hardly breathe…so that should tell ya how bad yesterday was ;)  But, it’s a new day, new attitude:)

I’m going to this beach in a few weeks.  Hopefully, this picture and the idea of being there soon will help motivate and inspire me.

I’m having another blah day and they are getting old fast.  I absolutely hate the moods I’ve been in lately, yet have no idea how to snap out of them.  And I feel like all I seem to do is complain, and I don’t like that either.

So, to focus on the positive…last night I was supposed to go walking with a friend after work.  She ended up getting caught up with something at work and couldn’t leave.  Normally, I would have thought ‘oh, well’ and gone home and probably sat on the couch for the rest of the night.  Instead, I called another friend and suggested tennis.  Even though I completely suck at it, it is fun and doesn’t feel like exercise.  And, because I’m bad at it, I just go out and have fun with it.  I get the chance to laugh at myself instead of getting all competitive and caught up with who’s winning or losing.  And, luckily this time wasn’t as frustrating as the last.   

Tonight is a new episode of Work Out.  I can’t wait…it usually motivates me a little bit.  I’m just afraid that this season is going to have way too much drama.  And I’m anxious to see how they handle the new group of Sky Lab people.  Last season it seemed to be with alot of compassion and no real judgment…I hope that continues this season.  Cos there’s nothing worse than having people who it seems have never had a weight problem trying to tell overweight people all the stuff they’re doing wrong.  At least Jesse sort of knows where they’re coming from.     

So, I’ve done the TurboJam DVDs a couple of times.  They are good, but reminded me alot of TaeBo…not that I don’t like TaeBo, but I was hoping for something different.  Well, Saturday I did the DVD that comes with the weighted gloves.  Royally kicked my fat butt…HA.  It was so much fun!!!  Still alot like TaeBo, but much more fun that the other ones I’ve tried.  Not really sure what the difference was, but it was awesome.  And the weighted gloves really made a difference.  I didn’t realize how much until I took them off and realized how much lighter my arms felt. 

I’m SOOO glad that the weekend is almost here.  Today has been a weird day at work because I’m the only one here.  It’s just odd and feels kinda strange.  It feels like it used to feel when I’d have to go into work on the weekends…it’s the exact same place you go to everyday, but being there alone with it all empty makes it seem a little foreign and not normal somehow.  Anyway…

I’ve done well on NS today, just hope I can eat the NS dinner and not be tempted to go out.  And, I need to exercise tonight because I didn’t get any in yesterday.  Monday will be my first weigh in since starting NS.  I just hope my alterations haven’t kept me too far off course.

Yesterday went well on NS until dinner.  A friend called at the last minute to see if I wanted to go to dinner.  At first I said no because I needed to stick to the NS plan.  But then I realized that I can’t shut myself off from all my friends and never ever go out to eat again.  Plus, I wanted a glass of wine ;)  I will likely lose the weight slower this way, but hopefully I’ll be creating a healthy lifestyle rather than just being on a diet that I eventually get off of and start right back eating the way I did before.  I have to make it work into my life otherwise I’ll abandon it all together. 

But, I do realize that I have to make changes in my lifestyle because my current lifestyle is what’s gotten me to the point I’m at…a place I DON’T want to be.  But, I’m already making some positive changes.  Like, last night, I made good choices and didn’t eat everything on my plate…which is a huge shift for me.  I always clean my plate.  And, I’ve started meeting friends for walks at the lake/park or for tennis instead of drinks and dinner.  And, I’ve started putting in an exercise DVD when I get home instead of vegging out on the couch.  I’m hoping the small changes over time will stick and make a difference.   

…so good!  I stuck to the second day of NS.  Seems weird to be excited to complete 2 days on a plan, but I am :)  My biggest surprise with this has been that the food actually tastes good.  It’s much better than the typical diet tv dinners you get.   

My abs are killing me because I did TurboJam’s ab routine Monday night.  Half of it is standing ab routines and the second half is mat/floor work.  I have a LONG way to go but at least it feels like it’s working.  Last night I played tennis again.  I know exercise is supposed to be a stress reliever, but last night it just caused more stress.  I just get so frustrated when one time everything comes together and then the next time I have absolutely no control over where the ball goes.  Same reason I don’t play golf…you get that one perfect swing and then 5 that completely suck.  I know you only get better with practice, but I just get so frustrated that the practice become work rather than play.  But, I still had fun and at least I was out running around and getting in some activity…and running around the tennis court chasing a stupid yellow ball is still more fun than running on a treadmill, at least for me.

I was able to stick to the NS plan completely yesterday…here’s on to day 2 on the plan.  So far the food has been pretty good, and I’m adding in a good bit of fresh fruit and veggies and lowfat dairy.  This week I’m focusing on getting in all my water because I’d become a little bit lazy with it. 

I am hungry right now (it’s around 10:00 am) and was hungry yesterday.  The good news is that the meals fill you up, but you get that empty stomach feeling right around time for the next meal or snack.  But, I’m taking it as a good sign…I’m experiencing actual, real hunger and it’s actually a good thing…ha.

 Another plus to the plan is that starting something new has re-energized me and taken away some of the blah I’d been in.  I just hope I can keep up the motivation and excitement and don’t get back into the permanent funk I’d found myself in.     

I had another pretty good but busy weekend.  There was a friend’s son’s t-ball game on Friday, dinner with a friend Friday night, a wedding on Saturday, tennis on Sunday (I’m very bad at it, but it’s fun), and then drinks out with the girls Sunday night.  I had a lot going on that kept me from home so I wasn’t able to stick to NS as much as I’d hoped.  But, I realized that if I’m going to make permanent, life long changes, then this has to fit into my daily life and has to be adapted so that I stick with it and don’t abandon it altogether.  I ate NS as much as possible and then tried to make good choices when I had to eat other stuff, although I did have wedding cake at the wedding…yum. 

My nutrisystem food came yesterday, so I’ve started it today.  But, we have an office lunch for work…one of those I can’t get out of…so I’m already going to have to cheat on day one.  I thought about putting it off a day but decided that if I wait for the perfect day to start then I’ll never start.

This post is going to be completely random because I’m feeling rather random right now….

• I still feel kinda blah.  I feel like I’m just going through the motions lately and not really present in the moment, if that makes any sense.  I had a migraine a few days ago…I’m still blaming it for the brain fog I find myself in.
• I’m going to the beach in a month (at least that’s the plan right now).  I’ve NEVER been the kind to shy away from wearing a bathing suit, no matter what my size.  But, I’m afraid this year is going to be different.  I’m feeling much more self conscious lately.  Not sure why I feel worse about my body now than I did even when I was heavier.
• I’m so glad that Ali won Biggest Loser last night.
• I’m also glad the new season of Work Out started last night…it is totally an addiction for me.
• Over the past 2 weeks, I’ve lost and gained the same 4 lbs more times than I care to count…UGH!!!!  I wish they would just leave and stay gone.
• The guy and I are actually working on being friends.  So far it’s going pretty good.  I just hope it keeps going that way and I don’t end up confused and more hurt in the end.
• I didn’t type this in all lower case, but when it published it, it came out that way.  Weird!