Finding the Real Me

I have the munchies and can’t seem to get rid of the cravings I’m having.  Not sure what’s going on.  It’s not that TOM, so I have no reason to be having the cravings I’m having.  The only thing I can think of is because I’m on CORE instead of FLEX on WW.  Core is a little more restrictive than Flex, so maybe I’m missing all the snacky type foods allowed more on Flex…idk.  But, I know I don’t need all the processed crap from the snacky foods even if they are low in calories and fat.  Getting away from them is part of the reason I switched to Core.  So, why am I now craving them???

This week I’ve decided to try the Core program on WW, just to change things up a bit and see how it works.  Basically, you’re allowed to eat from certain lists of food without having to track them or count the points.  Then, you’re still given a reserve of points for other things that aren’t included on the lists.  So, you still have the freedom to eat what you want, but you don’t have to track every single thing you eat.  We’ll see how it goes. 

I’m sure we’ve all seen the commercials going around about Weight Watchers not being a diet.  It really isn’t, at least it’s not what we typically think of when we hear the word “diet.”  We normally think of deprivation…of an entire list of yummy foods that we can never ever ever have again.   With WW, nothing is forbidden.  You just have to make good choices and plan for the higher calorie/fat things you want to eat.  For example, so far this week I’ve had rice crispy treats, green beer on St. Patrick’s Day, a yummy O’Charley’s roll, steak, and sports bar food.  And, I’ve been out to eat with friends at least 3 times this week.  All of that would have been impossible on another diet.  It would have all been forbidden and having any of it would have made me feel like I was cheating and would have led to a full blown binge.  But, with WW I counted the points for everything I ate and worked in everything I wanted to eat.  I planned ahead and made conscious decisions on what I should and shouldn’t eat.  I don’t feel like I’ve cheated or like I’ve been bad.  And I definitely don’t feel like I’ve been deprived of anything because I’m “dieting.” 

I’m going home for Easter and I’m worried because it will be the first holiday without my mom…and then comes Mother’s Day, which I’m not sure I can handle right now.  Add to that the fact that the guy now wants to confide in me about the girl he’s currently dating, and I think I may be close to having an emotional breakdown.  The guy has completely destroyed my self esteem and taken away any feelings of self worth I had, and now he wants to be friends.  It would be funny if it weren’t so tragic.  And the worst part is that his friendship is what I miss the most…what I need the most from him.  He was never cruel or intentionally mean or hurtful, but that doesn’t make the pain any less. 

Eating is surprisingly about the only going right for me right now.  The past few days on WW have been great.    I just hope the initial great feeling doesn’t wear off and lead me to a binge.  But for now, I’m making great choices…choosing veggies over other stuff, eating healthy snacks during the day to keep from getting too hungry, and not totally depriving myself of the stuff I really want.  WW is all about priorities and choices.  You get to have anything you want, but you soon learn that having a ton of veggies is much more satisfying and filling than having a blizzard.  But, because having a blizzard is always an option and never forbidden, it’s a little less tempting than normal.

So, I signed up for WW again.  But, this time I’m only doing it online.  I signed up for 3 months and am determined to be dedicated for those 3 months.  Hopefully, by the time the 3 months are up, all of this will be habit and I’ll have lost enough to stay motivated and stick with it.  I rejoined because I need the accountability (even if it’s just to the computer) of writing everything down and keeping track of it all.  I need to be more aware of what I eat and hopefully this will help with that.