Loving Life

Well, one week after I declared my hatred for the typical diet, I am down 4 pounds! I weighed in this morning the same way I did last week and it was amazing. I will never pay for a diet again. I am using sparkpeople.com to log in my calories and find some more motivation…I love 3fc for my friends here and the support they give though!  I am extremely excited to be on this new path. Seeing that scale say 4 pounds down had given me even more motivation. Now…lets watch as I survive a week vacation in New York.

I loved this weekend. I ate what I wanted when I wanted…and you know what? I generally behaved. I made good choices and ate well…and then, when I wanted to, I ate that piece of chocolate cake. And you know what? I didn’t feel guilty. I felt good. I am anxious to see what my weigh in is on Wednesday. I am hoping to celebrate at least a one pound loss.

I have decided today that I am done with formalized diets. I have decided that I am just going to watch how much, what kinds, and when I put things in my mouth. I have decided I need to exercise everyday. I have decided that this is the only way I am going to make a serious lifestyle change and lose this weight.  I have decided that I should not have to pay, count points, say no to foods I like. I have decided that this is the new first day of my weight loss journey.

Okay, well, I am still eating like a cow. I keep telling myself I will start the diet when I can get to the WW meeting on Thursday. I wonder if I am really ready….plus last night was absolutely horrible with my husband. All this fat is just driving me crazy and making me insane. It is really affecting our relationship because I think all he thinks about is how much weight I gained with our daughter…is he thinking that? he says not. then I obsess that my obsession with it is going to cause him to really think about it and end up seeing how really fat I am…crazy I know.

So obviously, I know that WW meeting is looming in the future when school is out, kids are in daycare and I have the time to actually go without my husband making me feel guilty for leaving him with two kids.  But now, I am eating like I won’t get to eat again.  You would think I would try to begin eating healthier knowing I need to change my habits but instead I end up at  McDonalds drive thru this morning with a number 4 and large iced coffee….not so good.

Welcome to my new diet blog.  I guess I will begin with saying that weight loss is hard…I like to eat, really like to eat. I don’t eat because of some deep emotional pain, I eat because I really like food…I have always been heavier than most girls and that has been hard. I looked around a lot for comfort and love. I did find love with my husband and we have been very happy. I was thinner when I met him, thinner still for our wedding. Then, I had my son who is turning 3 in July. I gained alot of weight. When, two years later, another teacher at school asked me if I was expecting, I realized I needed to lose. I joined WW and lost 25 lbs.  But sucess was short lived because I got pregnant again. I really didn’t enjoy begin pregnant this time because I hated gaining the weight but I couldn’t stop myself. Now 3 months later, I tried Slim Fast but it just made me super hungry and not feel so healthy.  So, when talking to my husband, we determined we could afford to send me back to WW…I need the meetings, support and accountability. I was also very lucky to find this site…lots of great stuff on here. So, next Thursday, I start back to WW and I will let you know how it goes. Wow, this actually is very healing and opening…I think I will be okay writing here….