Chasing away Chubby

First I would like to thank everyone that left such supportive comments.  Thank you so much for your kind words.

The memory of that horrific night is fading some now after I spent a week obsessing about it.  I just kept thinking about the way my fist felt slamming into that girls face.  In some ways it was satisfying to know that I so thoroughly whipped her ass.  She was 11 years younger than me! It is a testament to how much more fit I am now than a year ago.  I may still be fat, but at least I am in better shape.  On the down side of the fight I feel bad to have hurt another human being no matter how badly they deserved it.   I know she grabbed me first and therefore asked for it.  Even the cops said it was self defense, but I still feel a little bad for being reduced to an animalistic state.  I also keep thinking that there will also be some sort of retribution.  I know, time to let this part of the drama go.

I spent the weekend with ex-bf.  The kids had a b-day party at his friends house and I knew that there was no way that he would be sober enough to drive them home (they are big drinkers).  So I went and had a pretty good time.  I spent an hour in the kitchen with the wife and told her about what he did.  The whole ordeal.  She was pissed and then relayed to me how her DH had left her for another woman.  Then she continued to tell me that they are swingers and that he had tried to hook up with her BF who he had hooked up with in one of their “Swinger sessions”- again, without his wife knowing.  Her BF told her and they almost broke up over it.  Now I am a very non-judgmental person, but I have to say that, the swinger thing sort of creeped me out.  First of all- Why tell me?  I didn’t need to know that detail. Why not just say he tried to hook up with your BF?  And second- Were they hoping that  we would want to join them??  Ewwww!  I don’t share my man intentionally.  And I am almost 100% positive that he wouldn’t want to share me.  He may go screw around outside the relationship but he sure as hell don’t want me too!  I don’t know.  Everytime that we find a nice couple to hang out with they turn into sexual deviants.  One other time we went out with 2 other couples and before the night was over the girls were kissing each other and one was rubbing on my leg!  Again, I don’t judge what others do- but please leave me out of it!  BF jumped in the back seat with me and sat between the other girl and me to keep her from touching me.  We never went out with them again.

So Saturday night was good. We had a good time- even with having to find out that they are swingers. :lol:  The kids had a ball and we went home about Midnight.  Sunday we had a  b-day dinner for my BIL who is ex-bf’s brother and married to my sister.  So we spent the day coioking and again had a good day.  I could almost forget that he was a cheating, no-good, low-down, dirty dog-Almost.  I don’t know what my answer is, but despite the good weekend there are alot of hard times ahead.  I know that the anger will coem and when it does I will hardly be able to contain it.  I will not want to be with him and well it will be ugly.  I know this because I have been through this before.

He still has not said what I need to hear:  First to apoligize a hundred more times and then to say: “I won’t cheat on you again.  I only want you.”  He’s said he’s sorry, but without that promise-it don’t mean a thing.

Posted on August 18th, 2008 by lodyangel
Filed under: off topic