Chasing away Chubby

All I wanted was a stupid hug.    Was that so much to ask?

I am really sick of my needs falling behind everyone elses.  Especially his!  He has become  so selfish, so greedy, lately.  Sucking money off of ME when I make a helluva lot less then him.  Only worrying about his own needs, not mine.  We only get a chance now to have sex once a week.  ONCE A WEEK!  You would think that he would at least think that since it was once a week he would make sure I was satisfied.  Nope, that’s not what happens.  He gets his and I’m left hanging, and he wonders why I get mad afterwards?   BECAUSE YOU FREAKING SELFISH ASSHOLE, I have needs too!!!  Like foreplay, yeah…foreplay would be really nice.  Or how about some romance, ever think that I would really like it if you treated me like you loved me instead of like some WHORE who is just there to fill your needs???  Yeah that would be so nice.  Even if only for a day, that would hold me for a good month I would say…I have learned not to ask for or expect much.  

I am just crushed.  Left hating myself because he is unable to think about someone besides himself. I am just sick of it.  Sick enough that I am ready to run.  That old instinct is back, my urge to run, to get as far away from him and everyone else as possible.  Just to take the day and go hike.  Just to take the day and do something different.  To hide, go somewhere where he can not find me.  Just get away.  The kids (all except DS16) are gone, swimming with their Nana.  I could go too, take off for the nearest state park and spend the day burning up under the blazing sun on some trail somewhere.  But I can’t I have TONS of homework to do, a house that needs cleaning, a tree to plant, a garden that needs weeding, laundry to do…Plus I don’t have any money and barely enough gas to get me to class tomorrow night.  I asked him for gas money and he put in $20.  5 gallons.  Boy that’ll get me far. Cheap asshole.

Ugh.

So I will sit in my fifthy house and make a swipe at cleaning it and try not to think about how he could have avoided all of this by just giving me one stupid hug before I left this morning, instead of ignoring my request and continue to hang up his stupid blue jeans that weren’t going to anywhere.  I was.

Asshole.

Posted on June 8th, 2008 by lodyangel
Filed under: General