Chasing away Chubby

Alright…I know I shouldn’t but just for a few minutes I am gonna descend into some self loathing or maybe this is more about being honest with myself.  I have gained back 16 pounds that I had lost.  I do not like myself at this weight.  I feel tired, cumbersome, and just FAT.  I hate it. I have been eating better.  I have been planning my meals, thinking through my choices, writing it all down, but to no avail.  The scale isn’t moving… (So this is where the self loathing comes in handy…)  :lol:I don’t like not liking myself.  So starting today I am back on the plan that I successfully lost 26 pounds on, that was 8 pounds a month until I allowed myself to get distracted and allowed myself more food.  It’s called the (I made up the title) “The Binge Eaters Foolproof Plan”.  :lol:  This is how it goes…(Some of you have seen this before)
* I am on a liquid diet all day until dinner time. (Liquid includes jello, tea, water, even kool-aid)
*Dinner is the only time of the day that I eat.  I can eat whatever I want, attempting to make it moderately healthy.  I only get to eat for one hour then It’s over until the next day.
*No snacking.
* If I feel faint, I will eat. (which did not happen at all last year!) And I am going to make myself get back into running until I enjoy it again and then also add in some other exercise to get myself in shape. Weights, aerobics, exercise ball, etc. I know the plan sounds harsh, but it is really not as hard as it sounds.  I did it all last summer and even with everything I have gained back I am still 11 pounds lighter than I was this time last year.  That is something to celebrate. I am a binge eater.  Once I start I can not stop.  If I eat breakfast I want to eat all day long. This plan takes the temptation out of eating.  I can have WHATEVER I want to eat, but I have to eat it within my dinner hour.  That means that the cookie that is calling my name…yeah I can have it later.  Alot of time though I found I could pass the cookie up at dinner time because there was healthier food I wanted instead right then.  So that’s the plan…Now, Let’s lose some weight!  :) 

EDIT: Some people on the journaling forum were horrified that I was doing this.  So I thought I would paste my responses to their concerns here so I don’t have to defend my actions on my blog as well.

It’s okay.  I understand the concerns.  However, I am obese…not just overweight.  As I stated before I did this last year and it gave me so much control and really helped me stay focused on what was important.  I ran almost everyday last summer and had no problems.  I realize that this is a plan that I will not be able to do forever.  As I lose weight and get smaller and more active I will need to learn to fuel my body differently.  This is just a way to get me started- not a plan for life. I just have to get my motivation back.  I need to be healthy and that means eating better, losing weight, and exercising.  I’m not losing any weight doing what I am doing. Trust me ladies, I’m a binge eater…if I could eat and lose- I would soooo eat!   :lol:  No worries.  I talked with my doctor last year about what I was doing and she had no problem with it as long as I felt good, the sugar doesn’t drop, I don’t faint, etc.  She wanted me to keep my calories no lower than 1000- easy for a binge eater to do in one meal- and to check in with her is I had any problems.  I have some horrendously weird stomach problems nd the not eating actually helps with that. So thanks for caring.  If I have any problems you ladies are more than welcome to tell me to eat more at any time.  :lol: 

First, I did this exact same diet last summer and no one kicked my @ss!   :lol:I do like myself- I am just not happy with the fact that I can not get focused.  I am not happy at this weight.  I am frustrated that I am following a conventional “healthy diet” and still am not getting results.  I have been planning, logging my food, journaling, and still nothing helps. EVERYONE is allowed to feel down once in awhile. I wasn’t really self deprecating- I was being honest with myself. Therapy- been there, done that. It is not gonna kill me or harm me in anyway to go a few hours without solid food in my system. It is now 2:40 and I am not even hungry.  This is more about re-setting my body clock, and listening to what it is telling me.  I would have already consumed 2 meals by now if I wasn’t doing this. And I haven’t even been really hungry!  It took me about 3 weeks on this plan last year before I experienced REAL hunger.  We eat so much that we forget what real hunger is. Hunger is not the urge to stuff something down my gullet.  You have to learn to listen to your body and that is what I am doing. I am not depriving myself.  I am just teaching myself that I don’t have to eat just because I am suppose too. Just because it is noon doesn’t mean you should eat.  You should listen to your body, I forgot how and this is why I am like this now! AS I said before, I will take care of myself.  I am a big girl who has done this before. If I get hungry-real hunger- not just the urge to eat- I will eat. I will not allow myself to pass out or feel bad.  I did, after all, run this by my doctor.  I have plenty of fat stored away to keep me going for awhile.  :lol:  I have read diet/exercise plans where they did not want you to eat before you workout so that you use your stored body fat instead of your breakfast.  This is sort of the same thing. Also, I forgot to mention that last year after about a month I added back in a 500 calorie lunch.  So after I get the swing of things I will probably do that again. I’m just trying to get my focus back…  

Posted on May 29th, 2008 by lodyangel
Filed under: General