Chasing away Chubby

Tomorrow is “start” day.  Tomorrow I go hard core.  Which means I am working out, setting goals, eating healthy-eating clean… no more crap.  I will begin to treat this body as the temple that it suppose to be and get with the program. 

Treating my body nice also means treating myself better.  I am sick of looking like I’m poor.  I need new clothing.  I need to make a commitment to buy some new clothes with my tax money and  to continually buy small things through out the year.  Maybe once a month go and buy something for me to wear.  I need to start wearing blue jeans and nice pants everyday instead of my yoga pants.  I need to get over this compulsion to be “lazy comfortable” and get back to being stylish. I wanna be a fashion whore.   :lol:   I also need to start wearing the war paint everyday.  Then I won’t feel so bad when I see people I know out.  I hate it when I am running into Wal-mart with no make-up, my hair up in a ponytail (my usual style) and my “lazy comfortable” clothes on.  I don’t like feeling bad about myself.  It used to be, when I was on Zoloft, that I didn’t care what anyone thought about me.  I didn’t care if someone thought I was gross or fat.  I was in  a “anti depressant fog”.  When I finally weaned myself from the Zoloft and emerged from my zoloft fog, I didn’t like what I saw.  I saw an obese, gross looking woman.  She is not me.  I couldn’t understand how I got this way.  Yes, some of it was from having kids, but most of it was from laying on the couch, being lazy, and eating crap.  At one point I drank 4-8 pops AKA ”Satans liquid” a day! 

I became unhealthy.  I developed arthritis at the age of 28.  They thought I had rheumatoid arthritis.  Thankfully that was not it, but soon I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia.  If I had read the description of fibromyalgia before they diagnosed me, I could have diagnosed myself.  Joint pain, migraines, IBS, anxiety, “Flu-like” body aches….the list went on.  I had almost every sign.  So I resigned myself that I would never meet my life goal of running a marathon.  I resigned myself to being fat.  (Again, part of  the zoloft fog).

I began having stomach problems in 2003.  In 2004 I had my gall bladder removed.  My stomach problem began to get worse.  Soon I was having “attacks”.  My stomach would start hurting and would not ease up until I went to the ER and they knocked me out.  I lived with this for almost 2 years.  The pain would start every time I would let my stomach get empty.  So I ate.  I constantly ate to stave off the pain.  I gained more weight. In january of last year I had emerged from my fog enough to realize I needed to do something.  I weighed in at 228 pounds and hated the way I looked.  I couldn’t walk a flight of stairs without my heart feeling like it was gonna burst out of my chest.  I couldn’t play with my kids for any lenth of time.  My joint pain, and my stomach pain were crippling me.  I knew if I didn’t do something I would end up disabled.  I took a hypnosis weight loss class.  It helped me work through some issues i had.  Alot of my eating was rooted in how unhappy my BF made me.  Back in the day he really treated me bad.  He cheated on me continuously.  All that hurt and anger came out in those therapy sessions.  the hypno-therapist also told us when we were “under’ that we would crave water!  Boy, did tht work!  I would lay on the couch salivating for Evian water as she talked to us about “pure, clean water.”  I still have my evian addiction til this day.  It is the only “suggestion” that stuck with me, but it was a good one.  I was able to kick the caffine soda habit, and I NEVER drink pop now.

 So last january,  I started dieting.  I never lost more than a few pounds because I had to eat constantly to stop the pain.  By April I was frustrated, that I wasn’t losing weight and realized that until they fixed my stomach, I never would.  I went to the doctor.  They did a CAT scan and saw that my lymphnodes in my stomach were inflamed.  (I didn’t know you had lymphnodes in your stomach!)  They didn’t know why.  They scared the crap out of me by saying I could have lymphoma. So they did an endoscopy to see what was going on in my stomach.  My esophagus and stomach were fine…except that the lining of my stomach was red and inflamed.  Again, they didn’t know why.  So they did a colonoscopy, and found nothing wrong on that end.  So after all that and no answers I decided I would change my life.  Thanks to the unncecessary colonoscopy I went over 48 hours with no solid food.  I thought for sure when I started the fast that I would be in the hospital from an “attack,”  but it didn’t happen. Now I knew that I could diet without fear.  SO I began my diet.  For the first month I ate one meal a day.  I drank liquids all day and then ate whatever I wanted for dinner.  Eventually I added lunch.  I started walking and my sister began urging me to run.   I did and though it hurt like hell.  I kept at it.  I met my friend Leeda on this site and she introduced me to “Couch to 5K” and as you ladies know… the rest is history.

I’ve come a long way. I can now run as far as I want to.  Doing physical activity is easy.  I drink 2-3 liters of water a day.  My stomach “attacks” have stopped (knock on wood), though I still have some pain.  My arthritis is  all but gone.  I have minimal pain now.  I still have the occasional “flu-like” body aches, but they are few and far between, not daily as before.

I have improved my life.  I have changed.

So why would I wanna go back to the miserable me, the fat me, the in-agony me?

I don’t.

So I have to get serious again about my weight loss, and about my health goals.  So here are my  goals for this next week.

1.  Run 3 times for 3 miles or 45 minutes.  If I can’t run outdoors, I will run to a WATP tape.

2. Strength train 2 times.

3. Stay on plan…Eat lunch and dinner, no snacks, no eating after 8:00 PM. Eat HEALTHY food.

4. Wear make-up EVERYDAY to work.

5.  Weigh in Daily and Average my weight.

I can do this!

I am getting excited about my 5K race.  Scared but excited.  I put a countdown to it on my myspace page.  So I gotta do it now.  I have already announced it to the world.  So training starts tomorrow.

I CAN DO THIS!

Posted on January 19th, 2008 by lodyangel
Filed under: Fitness Goals, exercise