Woe is me!
This is my before picture. It was taken in late June. Weight: 228 See how I am all slumped over. I was not happy about having a picture taken! You can see how flabby my legs look in this picture. My stomach is big. The shirt is almost tight in spots.
To see it larger click on the picture.
This is my August picture. Weight 212. I have on the same sort of clothing… I think I look much better in this pic. My legs look smaller and the shirt actually fits! It’s almost on the loose side! I still have a way to go though. Much more work to do!
I feel like I have been spiraling, spinning, ever so slowly…out of control. I am still working out, but that has been slipping. If it is not a run day, well I just don’t wanna do it. The only workout I wanna do is run. However, it is so hard on my body I have to take a day off in between runs. I plan on doing something in between, but more and more I am not. I am letting it slide. UGH! I don’t want to fall back into bad habits! I have come so far! The eating has sucked as well. Okay, some of this can be blamed on a rough TOM, but I am the one who ultimately decides what to put into my mouth. I can say no, can’t I???
I will not allow myself to sabotage myself! Every weight loss endevour I have failed at. Why? Because when I get close to making a goal, I start slipping. I start finding reasons to cheat, to sit on my arse, to eat the day away. WHY? I don’t really know why! Why would one do this to herself. Right now as I type this I am 10…count ‘em… 10 mins away from my August exercise goal. And yet here I sit…typing away, instead of getting up and moving my butt to finally earn a goal. You know what…Screw this. I’ll be back…
*12 minutes later*
Now I am back. GOAL Attained! ( I did 10 mins of strength training.) I can’t believe I was gonna let 10 lousy minutes stop me from making my exercise goal! This is the first exercise goal I have ever made. Yay me! Actually I don’t feel that joyous about it. Oh well I will feel better in the morning I am sure!
Honestly, this entire week has been hard. Motivation was just not there! It was like after I ran the 20 mins last week, that my mind was like…”Okay, goal attained, I’m done, let’s quit now!” I seriously had thoughts of quitting, of giving up my running, and going off my diet. I am hanging in there, but I am not gonna lie…this has been a tough week. Weight is up too. This is the first week thus far that I am not gonna average a loss! :( I am not gonna make my labor day goal either. I was suppose to weigh 209 by labor day. I weighed in at 213 this AM. There is just no way I am gonna make it. I thought I could, but then we decided to go camping this weekend, and my eating will be bad. Campfire food…hot dogs, and hobo dinners, smores, and junk food. UGH! I can’t win! Oh well! Another day…
I ran tonight. I had gotten up at 5:30 to go running, but the kids were not cooperating this morning so I didn’t make it to the park in time to run. So I did it tonight. The temp was good, as was the humidity levels. The cold front moved in so it was almost nice. There was a nice strong breeze and any runner will tell you that a nice strong breeze ain’t so nice when you are running into it. It makes you work harder. Today’s run was run 10-walk 3- run 10 mins. I ran a hilly route. Lots of hills. I ran them all. Now I live in Kentucky and we have some big hills down here. “Lucky” for me, my road follows the top of a ridge, so it has lots of hills and dips and valleys. Very few flat places. So I ran the big hills. My “damn spot” and my right knee were hurting some at first, but the pain eventually went away as always. That is so weird. It hurts when I start running, and by the end of the run there is no pain. I guess it must go numb or something…Anyway, so I run. At one point I think I am about to hyperventilate because I am breathing too fast. I refuse to stop because my 10 mins aren’t up and I am thinking of how embarrassing it will be when my neighbors have to pick me up outta the road. :lol: The feeling passes. So I finish my run and I am disappointed because I did not get the “runner’s high” I usually get. That feeling where I am soaring above the ground and running is great, and it feels sooooo good. Yeah, I didn’t get it, and after I am done, I feel worse. I guess maybe I was tired…I don’t know. :(
So leaving for camping tomorrow, which means I will have to be brave enough to run my 25 min (no walking) run at the campground on Saturday. I hate for people to see me run,especially if I am not feeling good, or something is hurting or I am just slow. I think they think “Look at that poor fat girl struggling to run.” Hell, at least I can run! :lol:
Yeah I am gonna be okay…
Posted on August 30th, 2007 by lodyangel
Filed under: General
WTG GIRL! Your looking great. Im in Ky too. What part are you from?
You have achieved a lot so do not sell yourself short here!!
That after is way different and you can sure see that you are on the right track.
I admire your stamina and stick-to it-ness
Good job…Keep the pics coming!!!
Hugs,
Judy
Wow Ms. Melody - I can tell a major difference from those pictures. DAMN. All that exercise is really shaping the hell outta you! Those legs are incredible not to mention the way that shirt is fitting you. Shit - that’s 15 pounds lady - can you friggin imagine another 5 or 10? Major difference. You shape up really quick - I think it’s cuz of your background. So don’t stop now ok hon? If you can’t get the body to move like you want - start trainin your food. Trust me hon, I struggle with this shit on a daily basis. Even though I’ve lost what I would consider a major amount for me (I’ve been 4 years with barely losing 10 and gaining it right back) I still want to fuck myself over and eat my heart out. But I fight that every day so that I can attain my goal because it’s the first time in forever that I am acutally losing weight…. but I feel you. It’s hell sometimes.
Have a wonderful time at the campsite - it’ll all be here when you get back and you’ll succeed - you just have too much fire to let it go!
You’re a runner. Through and through.
xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxo hey have a s’more for me lady…. xoxooxox
Those legs don’t even look like they belong to the same person! Whenever you feel down, think about how you’ve sculpted your body already with hard work and dedication. You are doing awesome and I know you will be out there running marathons before it’s over! I know what you mean about just wanting to run, I feel the same way. But I can’t right now and you can’t everyday, so we BOTH need to realize that and find something else just to keep us active. We have to kick our own butts into action.
And don’t worry about running at the camp grounds, as good as you look no one will bat an eye except to say “Wow I wish I could run like that!”
Have a good weekend, sweetie!
I think you look great. And your legs are beautiful.