Grrr….Warning: I’m a bitch today.
I think PMS is starting early. It did this last month too. TOM is a good week and a half away and yesterday I started having chocolate cravings…and yes I gave in! Now today…Wow today was just shit. Just a bad day. It didn’t start off that way but it got that way really fast. I have 2 co-workers who really bully my sweet natured boss. Anything they want they get, mostly ridiculous schedule changes that put a strain on the rest of the staff. I never said anything because it never really affected me directly. Well today it did and I ain’t too happy about it. I won’t elaborate further because people have been fired (not from my company) for blogging about work, but lets just say I was about stressed to the max. So stressed that if the proposed change comes to pass, I may quit. BF called and I tried to talk to him about it, but he just cut me off. He really doesn’t care about me. I mean…I know that, but it really hurts when it comes to realization cause sometimes I can almost forget that he’s a stupid asshole and almost like him. I am sick of him. He has no respect for me, treats me like a second class citizen, and only wants me for sexual favors. (*shaking fist: “Im not your private whore! Suck it yourself! :lol: ) I am so sick of him. I am sick of being everyone’s doormat. I used to be a loud mouth bad ass bitch. NOBODY crossed me, other girls feared me. After they put me on Zoloft, for those freaking anxiety attacks, it completely tamed me. I haven’t been on it for over 2 years and I still tippy toe around other people. “I don’t want to hurt their feelings.” Well why is it okay for them to hurt mine?
Grrr..I am in a mood. I need some midol but I am broke as a joke and can’t afford it. I can’t afford shit. Okay people, time for me to confess. I am poor. Not just a little poor, alot poor. I bring home a little over $1000 a month. No joke. And I live on that, with 4 kids! I get a little help with BF paying my car payment (with the child support he is suppose to pay me), low rent cause I rent from my big sis, and a low amount of food stamps. They cut my food stamps a few months back. I used to get $257 a month for us all. Then I got a $250 a year raise and they cut my food stamps to $144!! They took $1272 from me a year in food stamps because I was making $250 more! It doesn’t make sense, but it’s true. I would make the $250 last all month. We are hurting with the $144. I am still thankful I get it, don’t get me wrong, but somethings they do just doesn’t make good commom sense. Am I embarrassed I am on food stamps?…no. I work just as hard as everyone else. And I won’t need them forever. I am working on my BA degree so I can move on up to Elementary school to teach and double my salary, but that won’t be for another 2 years. I should graduate Dec 2008. Can’t wait to not be so poor anymore!
So that is another problem that is giving me woes. We are almost out of food. Last week the check had to pay the electric bill $206, a tad on rent, and my car insurance, fill up the gas tank, and it was all gone. No money for food. (Also no toilet paper, paper towels, laundry detergent, dish detergent, MIDOL :lol: ) I think we have enough meat to last us for about 4 more days. I don’t get paid for another 8 days, so we may have to have PB&J for Dinner one night. DD would be in heaven! :lol: I’ll make it last somehow. My mom will probably buy something for my spoiled rotten kids. (Lord forbid DS1 didn’t have junk food to eat!) It would help if they weren’t so picky. Ds1 and DD won’t eat anything like a veggie, and Ds3 is a little picky as well. Only Ds2 eats about whatever you put in front of him. Someone once said that a child never starved who had food put in front of it. That is true. If you are hungry enough you won’t be picky. This may be good for them after all.
DS1 sperm donar (AKA biological father) has stopped paying child support again. The ass only pays $30 a week. I let the ass pick his payment. Didn’t want to argue about it (see, doormat.). And the loser can’t even pay that. It’s only $30 a week but when you count on it, you count on it. Ds1 has needs too. God I would like to get ahold of his pansy ass about right now…Grrrr.
Ever noticed people hate poor people. It’s true. I take online classes and during one class had a pretty heated argument about welfare and whether people were abusing it. They actually thought welfare moms still sat at home all day. I had to point out that welfare-to-work made all the people recieving TANF get a job or go to college. They pointed out there are lotsof people sitting outside in the projects during the day. I work in the projects and I pointed out that some of those people work at night, some may be on disability and don’t work due to their health. It didn’t matter what I said. They definitely hated people who are on welfare. These same people are the same ones who would say about me ”She has no money for food, but she has the internet.” I would like to point out I am going to college. All my classes are online. I kinda have to make keeping the internet a priority right now. I did not even have a phone until February when I had one put in (For the internet) so I could take classes. So there haters…hate on someone else!
I told you I was in an awful mood!
Okay, diet (the reason for this blog) today: crap. :( I ate too much and did no exercise as I am a grumpy bitch and well, I haven’t taken a day off this week as of yet, so today is it. Tomorrow I will probably be up a pound or two, but I don’t care. I needed the sweets I ate today and with any luck, I will not eat any tomorrow! I do the last day of week 4 of C25K tomorrow. Hopefully that will help dig me up out of the dumps. Running usually does. I get the “runners high.” I need that about right now!
Well off to drag my grumpy ass to bed. :/
Grrrrrr!
Posted on August 15th, 2007 by lodyangel
Filed under: off topic
I’m sorry you had such a shit day boos… I’m also sad that you’re struggling too. I grew up poor and was pretty broke throughout my life before I graduated so I can understand how badly it sucks - only I didn’t have kids so I’m sure it’s like 10000 times worse. We were homeless for a number of years, living in the car because my father had too much pride. It was horrible. You’re like my mom, she made everything last and even though we were shit poor, we were never hungry or dirty. I’m sad about the BF too… ;(
I hate it when people pick on people less fortunate - because shit - I used to be one of them. That’s another reason I became a social worker….
You hang in there sweets, it does get better - you keep chargin towards your degree - it’ll change your life. It changed mine. I went from working 3 jobs to one… it was shit for so many years but it’ll happen….
love you….. sleep tight - xoxooxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoox
I give you a lot of credit, raising four kids on your own, and on a very tight budget. Not everyone can do that, including me. You have a lot to be proud of, you’re doing the best you can with what you’ve got, and you’re trying to better yourself. That’s a great example to your kids!
Girl, don’t worry about people who think everyone on welfare is abusing the system. Someone who has never been poor does tend to distrust the poor, at least that has been my experience. I grew up poor. We lived in homeless shelters and worst, so I know how it is to be poor. I could only have wished for a mother who was as dedicated and ambitious as you seem to be,
If BF is not treating you right, please let him go. You are a wonderful woman and deserve the very best. I hope things look up for you and maybe you will find some midol down in your purse somewhere. Take care!