which is pretty unusual for this time of year down south. It is a lovely cozy Sunday though and a nice way to end the holiday. I have fire going in the fireplaces and just finished cooking, and sampling, some turkey soup. It’s a winner by the way.
I am going to try to spend the rest of the day sitting on the couch catching up with some thinking, journaling, and perhaps even grade the work I brought home so I can hand it back tomorrow and make my students happy.
My sleeping has been weird this weekend. I read deep into the night and slept a lot during the day. By Sat. I guess everything just caught up with me. Wed. and Th. were intense, watched football on Friday (we won!) and just slept in until noon on Sat. I missed the hike I had planned w/ my friends. I never do that, but this time my natural weekend alarm didn’t work and I slept through it. I kind of hated that, but I guess I needed the sleep more.
Yesterday was pretty bad diet wise. I did fine all day and then slipped out to the grocery store to satisfy my cravings late. That has become a habit of late. And that is just what it is, a habit, one that needs to be replaced with good habits.
I haven’t weighed in weeks and have no desire to do so. What difference does it really make, what I weigh, I have been a daily weigher forever. I have a huge Drs. scale in my bathroom. When I give guests a tour of the house they have strong reactions to it. Two women have told me to hide the thing. I am about to haul it down to the basement because I just don’t think I need it staring me in the face anymore.
Recently I read a pretty interesting thing, probably on the internet, I wish I could remember where because it was a great thought. To paraphrase, allow your body to change gradually - it does anyway - by eating healthy food you are changing the makeup of your body - it isn’t essential to monitor and over think what you are doing - just eat the right foods and it will do it without your neurosis taking over. I made up that last bit, but it was the thing I got out of the thought that most spoke to me.
For me to be successful it important that there is always good healthy food prepared, that I don’t veer from that and play head games with myself in terms of what it is okay to eat. I also need to start exercising again. I have somehow lost it w/ exercise. For so long I was up at 5 to get an hour of weight training in. The ability to do that seems lost, and yet I know if I could just get started again that I would be able to regain that habit. It did give me energy and that is the thing I am lacking now. You can see the catch-22 there.
Also, I just want my dignity back. I am in control of me, I am strong and independent and I can do what I want. I have to just keep reminding myself what it is that I want. Jillian said to write down the reasons you want to lose weight and that was your motivation to stick with it. Well at the top of that list is - I want to act like an adult, I want my dignity back.
Posted on November 30th, 2008 by ledom
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It has been 1 month and 1 day since I last posted.
I had one good diet week during that period and have successfully ignored dieting the other 3 weeks. Par for the course.
One thing happened this month that I can’t ignore. I turned 55. One of the guys who I work with dropped dead last week of a heart attack. When I read his obituary I couldn’t believe that we were born the same day of the same month of the same year. Nothing like mortality giving you a wake up call. How could I not think about it?
So, Thanksgiving went well. I worked my butt off, everyone let me. They were very thankful though. It’s kind of a love hate thing I have going. I like taking good care of my family and at the same time I wonder what the hell I am doing. I cooked and cooked and cooked. I sent all the food home w/ family and tomorrow I am going to try to eat right.
I have been thinking about dieting, it is something I think about constantly. I am still enthralled w/ the Super Foods approach to eating. I have been cooking out of that cookbook and so I am ready to try again.
I know I am undertaking something really hard to do. I understand what I want to do is hard to do. Am I up to the challenge. I guess only time will tell.
Posted on November 28th, 2008 by ledom
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of losing weight.
I made my Dr. appt. this Thursday. I was so worried about what he was going to say to me about losing weight I probably gained 5 lbs. in stress and anticipation in the week leading up to my appointment. And then he didn’t even mention it so I blurted out my frustrations. He told me things I already knew, surprise surprise. I KNOW how to lose weight. He was right on though. Of course that you must take in less calories than you burn, but also if you exercise you lose more fat as opposed to more muscle tissue. He said weight loss drugs that work have dangerous side effects and the ones that don’t have the side affects don’t work.
At some point I told him I knew all that. And I do because I am well researched. I have had success at just what he told me to do. I know what to do I just don’t know how to stick with it.
So Thursday was my day for Dr. appointments, while in the big city I also paid a visit to my therapist. She is just a great resource to check in with periodically. We discussed some personal issues that seem intertwined with my weight gain. As a result I came home with a lot to think about.
I am going to try to devote 30 min. a day to just thinking about stuff, meditating, or reading some article or book related to health. I am going to realize that a lot that is going on with me has to do with just falling into some bad habits and that good habits can be habit forming too. It is hard to switch but if I put in the effort and concentration I can do it. I have before. I am putting in a big cottage garden in my front yard. I have the soil prepared. This weekend I put a brick border around it to keep the dirt from washing away and I am going to put in a fence for roses to run on next, just get the structural elements in place before planting. I want to transplant a lot of the plants from my mother’s yard this fall. I am going to make sure to work on it everyday that I can, counting it towards exercise and also doing that instead of laying on the couch watching TV. I am going to start paying better attention to grooming and making myself feel better about myself, more feminine. I find as my weight goes up I stop caring so much about my appearance and I have been at a low lately. I ready to care again. I am going to take every article of clothing out of my closet that doesn’t fit.
I went shopping Thursday as well. I got some good bargains and bought just enough stuff to have some decent fall clothes for work. My closet is packed with things that no longer fit and I want them stored away for a future day when it will be so much fun to fit back into them.
Posted on October 26th, 2008 by ledom
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and rested a lot. I just never stopped when I had my cold and though it is almost gone I never got my afternoon in bed so today I took it. It was delicious. It was easy to eat right today too. It’s going to be a busy weekend. Family reunion on Sun., family coming over on Sat.
I am going to be eating a lot of protein this weekend. I am making Asado (http://homesicktexan.blogspot.com/) and think it is going to be wonderful.
Posted on October 11th, 2008 by ledom
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Staying really busy. Caught up in the semester with lots of grading and class prep at the moment. Diet has been up and down. Not good really. I am dying because the weather is so beautiful here during early fall. It gives me the wanderlust, or the staying at home all day lust. I just don’t want to be doing what I am doing. I need a break, a good little road trip or something.
I have gotten down in my basement the last 3 mornings and done weights. I haven’t been to the Y this week. Been super busy.
Posted on October 9th, 2008 by ledom
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1/2 large peach/1/2 cup oatmeal/1/2 cup cottage cheese
orange,string cheese
paneer palak
apple, oz. walnuts
homemade healthy chili over spaghetti squash, 5 saltine crackers
baked apple, cottage cheese, nuts
Posted on October 6th, 2008 by ledom
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I suppose at some point I am going to run out of chances to get this right. If you check my weekly weigh-in page you will see that I gained back that 2.50 lb. I lost last week. Sigh! Okay, moving on. I am going to re-weigh on Monday and if I see a loss I am going to post it. Honestly, I thought it might be worse.
Obviously, I did not turn on a dime. I struggle, still. I did have a meal last night that I didn’t really want to have, but once again my DD invited me for dinner and if you knew our history you would understand why I won’t turn down her invitations. She has had a terrible struggle with depression, she has worked so hard to be well. I’d say she lost a good 3 years to it and was never be able to have me to her house because she could not even get out of bed. I cherish these days where she embraces life again. It was just not the time to say, oh no, I can’t have that. All that to say, I think I would have had a slightly better weigh-in this morning if my supper hadn’t been so heavy. Also if I had done better over the weekend, if I had exercised more, if I had not gotten a cold. You know the drill. If there is a lesson here I guess it would be to take every opportunity to get it right because there are SO MANY opportunities not to.
Anyway, I give myself one brownie point for weighing and posting this morning because I really did not want to.
Posted on October 3rd, 2008 by ledom
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I woke up feeling like my cold, while not over, was much much better. I have not been doing well with my diet and haven’t exercised since Sunday. I will be going to do some cardio though tonight.
Oh my. This is so hard, but I can’t blow it off because it is hard. I have to keep coming back and attacking this problem. So, if you are reading this - I know I am lame, I know that I disappoint myself time after time. Knowing that doesn’t change the fact that I need to learn how to do it.
So here I am, back in the game. Still trying to fight the good fight.
Posted on October 1st, 2008 by ledom
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I woke up yesterday morning with a full blown cold. Not much better today but I had to work. I am off my schedule. Can’t exercise. Have to go to work. For the moment I am just treading water.
Posted on September 29th, 2008 by ledom
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the binge. What a shameful and disappointing thing. Triggers are alcohol, getting too tired, having power bar type food in the house, things that are fine as a snack once a day but can turn into temptation when you want sweets, nuts, fats.
Walked this morning, 1 mile. I hope to do some weights later today. Last week I did a chest shoulder workout and a back workout. When I go to the Y it is only about an hour before they close and it can be pretty empty. I have been eyeing the machines and tried out a couple for back, a rowing machine and a lower back machine. I think I am going to have to venture further into these areas. I really like the way the Y is set up. The cardio machines are around the perimeter. There are 3 large sets of machines, in the middle and then down to the end an extensive free weight area. It is all in one large gymnasium like room so it is easy to observe how to use the machines in the middle while you are doing your cardio. Still everything is spread out enough that you can kind of own you own space there. I like it. One night I just swam. I think that is a good plan. It is kind of easier to either do land or water but not both in one session. Though that can be nice too. I just felt that giving my back and shoulders the longer workout was really helpful and it is also less weight bearing which my knee appreciates.
Losing weight is a health issue. Vanity is a better motivator for me and I wonder why my priorities are so skewed. I am at a point where it is becoming essential to take better care of myself. I have to overcome the part where I give into my cravings. I can do better than I did yesterday.
Posted on September 28th, 2008 by ledom
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