Digging Deep

The Demon Within

kiki — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 17:02:41 +0000

Today I am battling my own demons. The negative little bugs that try to procreate in my mind, hatch and birth more negative feelings and thoughts. I feel a little bloated. Probably from too much salt, or perhaps Aunt Dot is on her way to visit. Time and time again I get to this place. Although it is not as often as it use to be, it is still here. I feel shallow, a little lost, a little empty inside. I guess ultimately I am never really fully satisfied with who I am. I wonder what woman I will have to morph into next. Why can’t I ever be pleased and accepting of myself. I shouldn’t need anyone’s approval. I should be happy and grateful everyday in every way, but I am not.

SIDE NOTE: I came here today to write out my feelings simply because I am too far away from my journal right now. I don’t need anyone’s acknowledgement that you were at my page. It’s become clear to me that people on this site have their own “clicks.” Which is great if you want a good support system in your weight loss. However if you are here, feel free to use my site as a tool to help you along your way. MOTIVATION TO MOVE YOUR ASS has some nice blogs I previously wrote. So that being said, “Good luck to you in shedding your excess fat :)” Lord knows it isn’t easy.

So I guess what I’m basically saying is I’m in a funk today, but I’ll get over the tall mountain. I wish peace and love on myself. I believe in myself that I can do what I put my mind too. Therefore I will be successful at anything that I work hard at. The key to success is determination and hard work. Surprises will come along the way, but that’s to be expected. No one ever said life was easy.

Weight Update/Weight Loss Plan

kiki — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 19:22:17 +0000

So I went to the doctor today and I gained 4 pounds over the last month. That’s not so bad. The key is to get back to where I want to be. I’m so shocked that I didn’t put on more weight than that. I have been eating extremely bad - especially the home made pecan pie!

But the good news is I had enough courage to go and get the update VS using my own scale. But the two usually average out anyway. At this point in the game and being as though it is so close to the holidays where people go ballistic and self control gets thrown outta the window; it is time to buckle down EARLY and get serious. So here’s my weight loss plan:

Start a new Food Journal - Being sure to write in the book what is about to go in my mouth. What time, and WHY I am eating it (this includes water intake).
NO SWEETS/SUGAR (candy, desserts, chips etc.)
No eating past 8PM
ABSOLUTELY no eating in the middle hours of the morning (yep I have started that back up)
No Milk
Workout 4-5 times a week
Research gym prices in the area
Submit an eating plan each week to my former trainer

SHORT TERM GOALS

Lose 2lbs by next weigh-in (Friday, September 19th)
If that goal is met by something in a size 8

LONG TERM GOALS

Maintain a healthy eating regimen
Never DIET again in life
Excercise on a regular basis
Maintain weight between 155 -163

Well, I think that’s it for now. Enjoy your weekend ladies!

Feeling…Blah

kiki — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 15:25:40 +0000

Hello All (if anyone is reading)

I really just came to vent my frustrations, but not to anyone in particular. I am not myself today. My eating for the past 2 months has been psychotic and I should know better. It was hard work shedding 20 pounds. It can be so easy to put it back on, so I have to watch myself starting today. When you get in that place of saying I’m start tomorrow, I’ll do it next week, I can gurantee you - you are setting yourself up for failure. I need to sit down and write a plan down on paper and stick to it. I also need to keep a food journal again. I can’t tell you how much that helps. I no longer have a personal trainer, actually I think the last time I worked out in a gym was in July. So, I may consider joining another gym as long as its not too expensive or two far from home.

Anyways, I hope everyone is doing well. And I will do better with updating my blog. Summer months have been crazy and work is a whole other story. Too long to type, but I’ve been busy as hell.

Take care everyone, I will write again soon!

Kiki out.

So Sleepy…(yawn)

kiki — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 02:41:38 +0000

So it’s pushing waaaaaaaaay past my bedtime. I just came back from a late dinner with a bunch of my cousins. I had crab dip with bread, garlic toast, 4 hot wings (as in buffalo wings with blue cheese dressing), 2 sips of raspberry iced tea, 6 fried shrimp, 7 french fries, 4 forkfuls of cole slaw, and a bite of this and that. DAMN. I am SO tired and full! Not stuffed, but full.

I ate way too much cook out food this entire week. I can’t even look at another hot dog. It’s a good thing I got my workouts in every day - including at 6am this morning! All I can think about it getting a good workout in tomorrow AM. At this rate, I may workout twice!

Good night everyone!

Family, Food, Fireworks & Fun!

kiki — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 01:56:01 +0000

This week has been really interesting. My Uncle’s funeral was on Monday and this brought all of our family out of the wood works. The repass was filled with cookout foods. It was really nice to see everyone and catch up. The work week was short which was a blessing in itself. I went car shopping. I was looking to trade mine in for something more sporty. But so far, I haven’t had any luck.

The 4th of July was filled with great foods off the grill. I’m talking ribs, hot dogs, hamburgers (or in my case cheeseburgers Potato salad, tuna salad, mac and cheese. Wow. I was surprised that the only thing I had were hot dogs and a cupcake. Later that evening I ate way too much stuff though. But it was good to relax and actually enjoy the holiday. (I did get my AM workout in though).

And today there was yet another cookout to attend. Today I ate my heart out though. 2 slices of cake (there goes my workout at the gym this morning), a hot dog, fried fish with bread, a slice of watermelon, yummy! We played cards, laughed and enjoyed the breezy July weather. Tomorrow, all of the cousins are getting together to see Will Smith’s new movie “Hancock”

I hope everyone is enjoying their summer as much as I am. My birthday is this coming Thursday, it would be awesome if I could meet my goal of one hundred sixty pounds :O)

Still I Rise…

kiki — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 15:34:53 +0000

It’s been a LOOOOOOOONG interesting journey being here with you all these past couple of months. Finally eating right and getting in a daily dose of exercise has paid off in a big rewarding way. I am just 4 pounds short of reaching my ideal weight. 160. I could go smaller, but I don’t want to turn into a twig Here is a picture of me, my cousin and aunt from this Monday. I am in the black dress. With a little help and encouragement from friends and family, we can lose this extra weight that we don’t want on our bodies.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes sacrifice, committment, dedication, and all those big words you don’t want to hear, but I promise you in the end it is so worth it. I went from a size 14 to a size 8. I cried a lot, I cheated a lot, but I kept moving forward, until I found the formula that worked for me. Don’t give up on yourself. Even if you have a cheat day, get back on track that same day if possible, if not then the next morning. Just don’t give up trying. I hope you all know that by now, I am here for your moral support. I am here to push you and to cheer you on. Email me whenever you need to. Love you guys dearly!!

Independence Day

kiki — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 15:20:53 +0000

To me, this is more than just freedom to love our beloved country. (USA). It’s more than sparkling fireworks and grilled BBQ cookouts with friends and family. Independence in general is important, perhaps maybe even vital in some aspects. Some time today take time out to reflect on what being independent means to you. Just think, in some parts of the world, you can’t even be a fly @ss woman and change your hair color light pink if that’s how you felt when you woke up this morning. You can’t be free to curse or talk about the messed up president we have without getting your head blown off. You can’t make the decision to VOTE for who you want in office. Having independence and the freedom to express yourself is so cool. We shouldn’t take it for granted.

Happy 4th of July

Weekly Weigh In Stats (Week of June 29th)

kiki — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 23:46:57 +0000

Weight: 165

Chest: 36

Waist: 31

Right Thigh: 22.5

Left Thigh: 22

Left Arm: 11.5

Right Arm: 12

Hips 43

Weekly Weigh In Stats (Week of June 23rd)

kiki — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 18:23:45 +0000

Weight 169

Waist 32.5

L Thigh 22.5

R Thigh 23

L Arm 12

R Arm 12

Hips 43

The Sexiest Thing Walking

kiki — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 12:04:17 +0000

Well it’s official. I am the sexiest thing walking (according to my hubby-to-be). I just wanted to share that awesome compliment with you gals Often times we pick on ourselves and point out our flaws to other people who don’t even notice them. My baby is so proud of me that I am finally happy with myself and following through on my goals of losing weight. I have to give myself a pat on the back because there is no way in hell that any of this was easy.

Tomorrow is weigh in day and I’ll see if I hit the 165 mark. I had a good weekend (workout wise.) Saturday I hit the gym to see my trainer. What a brutal hour workout. My abs are still sore! Yesterday I walked and jogged for an hour total then did more abs. I missed my AM workout this morning but I packed my bag for the gym after work today. I hope I can make it.

Have a great day everyone!