Girls, I had to share - today I had a “first time” experience.

My boyfriend works at a cinema and has made some good friends there, mentioning just in casual conversation where I work.  Turns out one of his friends saw me at work during the midnight opening for Gears of War 2 and said to Will:

“F*cking hell you’re not doing badly there are you mate?  Shot that one above your head!”

Which loosely translated from local slang equals “Wow she’s pretty good looking - what’s she doing with you?!”

Now, Will is an extremely handsome guy.  I’d give him a 9 on a bad day, and apparently all my friends concur!  So I am used to hearing from my friends how good looking Will is and how lucky I am.  This is the first time ever someone’s said the same thing to one of my boyfriends!

It might sound childish but this has boosted my mood so much :D  Guess I’m not totally invisible after all!

Well girls, finally, finally there is a change on the scales!  I lost 1.4lbs this week, which sounds much more impressive when you say “I went from 10st 10.4lbs to 10st 8.8lbs” - at least the second digit is in single figures now!

I’ve had a rocking day today - got my first assignment back today and got an A!  Not many people did and I am so pleased because I worked so hard for it.

There’s some changes on the measurement front too!  Lost a quarter of an inch off my tummy, three quarters off my hips and a quarter off my right thigh.  I am very happy today

I went to the doctors today.  I’ve been concerned about not losing weight and my persistant apathy.  I have been treated for depression before with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) which provides you with self-diagnostic tools and stages to follow when you begin to experience symptoms.  I had to follow the final stage in mine today and go see a doctor.

She was really nice and helpful.  Because all the women in my family are overweight, she reckons there may be a hereditary thyroid issue, however if it exists in me at all it’s so minimal it wouldn’t be worth treating.  There are some other possibilities we went through as well but essentially, I just have to persevere and concentrate on a body goal rather than a weight one.

I have to go back next Tuesday, but she thinks I may need to go on a minor prescription of anti-depressants on a very low dosage; just enough to restore chemical balance and help me function.  I don’t think my mum is too enamoured with the idea, but I think it is the right choice to make.  I’ve no issues to work through, no particular reason for my low mood so CBT would be a waste of time and NHS resources (my words, not hers).  I have a lot to worry about right now: weight, money, family, studies, work, it would just take one thing off my hands and leave me more capable to deal with the rest.

I had my weigh in today as well.  I only lost 2 ounces.  However, my measurements are much more positive.  Since Friday I’ve lost the following:

• Chest - I”
• Waist - 1.5″
• Tummy - 1.5″
• Hips - 0.25″
• Right Thigh - 0.5″

That’s a 4.75″ loss overall and really good for just a few days!  I’m glad I decided to restart taking measurements, because it shows me I am making steps in the right direction even if I’m not losing weight I’m losing size!  It’s given me a boost to my motivation and I’m proud of myself for achieving that.

Wow, I was seriously dispirited yesterday, and in fact pretty much all day.  I’ve eaten horribly; not even taking into account what’s going into my mouth, just “rebelling” against the source of my frustration.

Until about three minutes ago.  You see, using the weight watchers forum I found a buddy who could help nudge me along.  Who I could moan to, or email in an attempt to avoid a binge, someone I could get to know, but I wasn’t going to have to face everyday with my successes/failures.

She just sent me a really motivating, encouraging email and it’s really picked me up.  I am ready to get back on track now.  I’m actually looking forward to eating tomorrow.  And eating healthily.  I might have a sandwich for lunch, and I think I’m going to make tagliatelle with grilled vegetables and green pesto for my tea and I’m excited about this healthy meal.  I’m ready to get back on track again.

And, because while I professed I was losing no inches, I hadn’t checked them in a while so now I’ve got some brand new measurements as a baseline on my Weigh-Ins page.  So hopefully, even if the scale doesn’t budge an inch, my waist/hips/thighs will!

Inspiration - we all need it sometimes.  And the funny thing is, while I’ve never met her, my buddy is more spot on with her encouragement than anyone I know.  So to her, I promise, I WILL TRY HARDER!

Hello all.

It’s grey, rainy and miserable today, and my mood is exactly the same.

I had a horrible night last night.  Due to the day most probably.  I was up from 7.30am, doing labs straight from 9 till 12, classes 12-3, more labs 3-5, 40 minutes for tea then first aid course till 9, and a midnight opening at work for Gears of War 2.  I got to bed about 3am.  I felt awful.  Sick and disorientated - like when you’re drunk but I was as sober as a tee-totaller.  Still not feeling great.
Had an off the wagon day too.  But today I’m wondering why I care.  I’ve not lost any weight in 9 weeks when average out.  Now, even when I do all my exercise and eat exactly right I lose ounces?!  I have to wait till the end of the November to see if I lose weight before a doctor will do anything.  But what’s the point?

I feel disillusioned.  I’m sure I’ll shake myself out of it but right now, I’m sick to the back teeth of doing my best and getting no where.

It’s official - the world is becoming a better place thanks to one man: Barack Obama.  I may not be an American, but as our closest allies, I am just as happy as any American he has been made president.  Change has come and our prayers have been answered.

Congratulations America and congratulations all of us, the world is going to change and it’s starting today.  Ever heard rumours about one person not being able to change the world?  Obama’s proving them wrong, right now.

Be at peace people - let’s help him to make our world somewhere nicer to live.

Well I had my week 2 weigh in today, I gained nine ounces making it a 4 ounce net gain.  However, I did have a rather extravagent weekend at my parents, so I think if I had been “good” I would have maintained.

I get a hormonal injection every 12 weeks to control my menstrual cycle.  One of the side affects of it is weight gain, though over the last 12 weeks I’ve only gained a couple of pounds.  It works by including a hormonal steroid that increases appetite, so it can sometimes be hard to distinguish this effect from just bad habit.  There’s not meant to be anything that’d cause impaired weight loss though, so I asked the nurse when I was getting my injection today.  All she said was “I don’t know”.  Helpful.  I’m going to try for another 4 weeks, and if I haven’t lost anything by the end of November I think I’ll go to the doctor and see if there’s anything else I can do, or anything I should maybe get tested.

I don’t know.  Nothing else to really say just now!

Well I have had some physical and some psychological successes today.

As you may have noticed, I seem to do a lot of reappraising.  I am the kind of person that constantly needs to know where I am and where I’ll be next (unless I’m being impulsive and decide to go for a wander).  I think, essentially this is where a lot of people struggle with weight loss.  They like to know where they’re going, and plan.  So you can plan “I’m going to lose 1 or 2lbs this week”, but then if it doesn’t happen you’re adrift and feel somehow - unbeknownst to you - your compass has gone severely awry.

That’s what’s been happening to me I think.  I’ve been making these plans, and following my map, but somehow I’ve still gotten lost.  But when I actually look back at the path I’ve taken I discover a few things.  There’s a few landmarks I’ve missed - some essential things I’ve overlooked:

• Losing ounces IS STILL LOSING! I haven’t gained or maintained I have still lost.  I MUST drum this into my head.
• Little things, like olive oil in cooking etc. all count towards points but they’ve sneaked away from my WW points tracker.  Just like every step counts, every calorie does too.

But one of the biggest things I’ve missed, and perhaps to my detriment, is my end destination.  Yes, I had a sub-goal of 9st 2lbs by 21 January 09, and no, it doesn’t look like I’ll make it.  But my true goal doesn’t have a weight attached to it at all.  It’s a body shape, and muscle and tone and happiness.  There’s no numbers involved in that other than those spent on my new wardrobe!  How could I have missed that?  It’s one of my fundamental values but I skated on past it.

So reappraisal it is.  But there’s been success in the real world too, not just my head.  I got my mum to sign up to Weight Watchers as well which is great.  She’s been a bit overweight and unhappy about it for a long time, but hopefully with the two of us working together that’s exactly what we both need to spur each other on.  I’ve set it up so our weigh in days are the same and we’ll work collaboratively.  Good stuff! 

Ok, apparently I’m going to have to tick to measuring my weight loss in ounces.  Really?  This is going to take forever.

I stepped on the parents’ scales, and I’ve lost 3 ounces.  How is this happening?  I am eating well, staying within points, doing a good amount of exercise, drinking lots of water and only losing ounces?  I checked my measurements too, just in case.   Nothing there either.  Seriously, what is the deal with this?

I have a friend who started weight loss 3 weeks ago, and she has lost 7lbs.  She weighs less than me now.  She has officially overtaken me, by doing no exercise and just eating a bit less.  What’s wrong with me?

I have 4 weeks left of my first semester of third year.  Scary anyone?!

But hey, winter is a time for people to get closer, and typically put more weight around their middles.  Not for me this year!  I’m keeping up with the exercise, and my muscles are still achey from my street dance class but that’s a good sign.  I’m within my points this week - also good!

I’m staying at my parents’ this weekend and it’s nice to spend some time with them.  They have a lot of trees around where they live and it’s so pretty with all the reds, golds, and still some greens too.  And they have cats too so at least I don’t miss mine as much!

Again, I don’t feel like I’ve lost much this week and am expecting to stay the same or maybe gain the half pound back.  I’m not being defeatist,  I simply suspect this is the case.  I might steal mum and dad’s scale to see where I am at….