This Chickie

So, I’ve decided to start up a new column in my blog.  It’s mostly for my own benefit to get all the “bugs” out of me, but if it helps anyone else that’s cool, too.

I was watching an episode of Oprah the other day.  Bob Greene was talking about his book “Best Life” and invited several people who have successfully lost large amounts of weight.  One of the ladies commented that it was all up in her head.  Once she had her head, her heart, and the decision to lose weight everything else followed.  I know this is true for me.  I know that I am an emotional eater and whatever is “eating at me” ends up in some form of food going into my mouth as a means to comfort myself or fill up empty time.  So, this space is for me to unload whatever is clogging up my mind, causing emotional upset.

1.16

I’ve started tracking again. I have a Franklin Planner and now they have unique inserts where you can keep track of your food and exercise. This system has been pretty good to keep me more regular with my tracking. I still struggle though. I’ve been pretty good about writing down what’s going into my mouth. I’d like to track the calories (or points) but there isn’t any room. I try to abbreviate but I find that to tough on some foods. I’m just glad that I’ve kept up with the tracking. Although, I’ll admit that sometimes I’ll miss 2-3 days and will go back to recall what I ate but by that time I’d forgotten. A lesson on keeping up with it so I don’t have to take the time to “forget”.

Diet. DIET! DIET! DIET!!! Bleah. This word haunts me. It annoys me because it is temporary, limiting, 4 letters (does that make it offensive?), sacrificial, depleting, and I have failed at it again and again and again. I’m so tired of failing. Maybe dieting works for the people who only have 5 or 10 pounds to lose but I definitely have a “little more” than 10 to go. It’s no longer about losing weight or getting that sexy figure or trying to be those skinny models in the magazines. It’s all about my health.

11:59:59 is a perfect moment. It’s that moment on December 31 when you get to say goodbye to all the lousiness of the past year and it’s the moment of anticipation where you are refilled with the hope and desire of a new year. That’s how I feel this year. I have said good riddance to all that’s in the past and I am determined to make a difference in my life during this new year. Don’t I say this every year? Perhaps. But right now, at this moment, I know I have done things today to work toward GAINING HEALTH. I don’t like the 4 letter word I mentioned earlier and I’m tired of “losing weight” because I’ve failed at both of them. So, the opposite of those two words is “gaining health”. I like the word “gain”. It means you’re going to get something from it. You’re going to be richer than you were before in some way. This is something I can do and think about. I know how to “gain”. I’ve been successful at it for years. I think I’m better at trying to “get” something than to “lose” it.

In order for me to gain health…

1. I have to eat (my favorite word) but what I have to eat has to be balanced, nutritious, and strengthening to my soul. This means fruits, vegetables, fish, etc. because when I eat these foods I feel light, fed, stronger, and FRESH. My skin gets smoother, I feel more awake, I have more energy, and I don’t feel enormously full ALL the time.

2. I have to drink a lot of water because it makes my skin feel good (not itchy or splotchy) and (sorry to be gross) my pee is clear. A sign of hydration.

3. I have to exercise. I haven’t been exercising so I lost my breath easily, I’m tired all the time, I don’t sleep well, I feel physically weak, and I seem to get depressed easily. So, though I hate it, I am determined to fit in activity whenever and wherever I can. Even if it’s only 10 minutes in the morning or a quick walk at night. I’m also aiming to limit computer and TV time in the evening to allow for reading, movement doing chores, and resting my eyes and hands (which are usually stuck in front of the screen all day at work).

4. I have to eat breakfast at home. This has been my biggest success so far this year. For the longest time I ate breakfast in my car. I would go to through the drive thru or stop off at Starbucks because I “didn’t have time” to make myself breakfast. For almost the last 3 weeks I have forced myself to carve out 10-15 minutes after I get ready and before I leave for the office to fix and eat my breakfast at the kitchen table. Usually it’s cereal or oatmeal or an egg scramble. I’m not too strict on what I eat at the moment as long as I eat it at the kitchen table but I’m finding that because I’m not being strict with the foods, I’m choosing healthier foods anyway. Forcing myself to sit and eat makes me calmer, slows me down (a BIG change from before), and I’m not eating in the car or at my desk at work. I can enjoy the crunch of my cereal. Yippee!

5. It’s all in my head. I have to do this for me. Gaining my health is only for me. It’s not for my mother or for my social life or to gain the attention of a man (which I desire but don’t get) but purely for my longevity and being comfortable in my own skin. But, I know it all starts in my head. Since I was a teen, I have perfected that special talent of talking down to myself and I still catch myself in that mode. But, more times than none, I find that I am now able to turn whatever negative talk around and reassure that I’m alright. “Everything is as it should be, right now”. It’s taken some practice to speak these affirmations in my head but I’m definitely getting better at it. Wahoo!

6. Energy and endurance. It’s a long road ahead but I’m not going to think about it. I’m going to focus on gaining health today, right now. And, I’m going to lean on my faith for support during those moments when I must endure the difficulty.

I weight myself a few days ago. I was 242.6. I want to judge this weight right now, but I’m going to refrain from saying anything other than it’s a factual point. I’m 242.6.

“I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead” (Phillippians 3:13)