This Chickie

Well, not literally. The scale has been on a downward slope and so were my habits. But, on Friday night I got caught up doing something at work and didn’t leave until almost 8pm. Because I was immersed in doing stuff on the computer, I didn’t pay attention to how tired or hungry I had become. I had a fridge full of leftovers from Thanksgiving that needed to be cleaned out and I didn’t feel like facing it. So, I went to Chili’s and got myself a burger, one of their appetizer platters, and a side salad. The salad was to “balance” out the rest of the food I ordered. I took it home and ate about 1/3 of the burger, half the platter, and all of the salad. This was the first fall off the horse. The next day I decided to “treat” myself and order dinner from a steak place where I ordered ribs, a salad (yet again to balance out the meal), and steamed veggies with a sweet potato on the side. I decided for eating out, I chose some healthier sides but the fact that it was a meal out, I knew it wasn’t the lowest in calories so this was my fall off the horse part deux. These choices have affected my emotional self as well as my physical self. The scale read a whole pound up this morning. Not bad, I’ve had higher weight gains in the past over a weekend of poor eating choices, but nonetheless I’m beating myself up over the choices I’ve made.

So, tonight, as I lay in bed trying to sleep, my mind begins to race and I think about how I am killing myself with all this overeating, poor habits, self hatred, and watching time pass by in a body I can’t stand. I hardly exercised this past weekend. I walked after work tonight but even then I didn’t feel I exerted myself to burn off enough calories.

Getting back on the horse. I can do this. I can get back on the horse. I can make that choice. I know I’m thinking aloud, but I’m needing to get this out of my system so I can go back to sleep and be rested for a new day. I’m writing all this more for myself than anyone else because I want to look back on this and be able to say “ah, yes, messed up thinking. I remember when… now I know better”. Don’t give up on me. I can’t give up on me.

So, I’m wondering, how does one get back on the journey after having fallen off the path and slowly heading back to the old downward spiral I am trying to emerge from. Here’s what I’m going to do…

1. Update my 3 Fat Chicks page to honestly indicate my weight gain. from 240.4 to 241.6.

2. I’m going to set up my Fitday.com page because I need to track the foods I eat and I haven’t been keeping up with the paper/pen version well.

3. I’m going back to sleep because I need the sleep to have energy for tomorrow.

4. I’m going to remind myself that I am a beautiful woman. A woman created by God to be one of His jewels and to be that woman it is worth it to take care of my health. My body is a gift from Him.

I’m doing this. I’ve hit a snag but I’m unsnagging myself and I’m getting back on the road. This was just one day of the journey. Tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow will be about caring for myself and loving myself enough to be healthy.