Emerging from the black hole
Have you ever been in that moment where you are numb and in an emotional void? That happens to me sometimes when I’m in my “binge phase”. Should I call it that? I don’t force down hoards of food but I do eat more “bad” foods than my body can really handle. I suppose you could say my binges are high in fat, high in sugar, and usually larger quantities that have now become more of a norm than the exception. I’m embarassed to even admit to these bad habits but I must be honest on this path to good health. I’ve been denying that my problems exist, probably because of the emotional void I put myself into when binging.
Diet in, diet out, diet in, diet out… that’s the cycle. I diet, I fail, I diet, I fail. It’s no wonder I’m the weight and size that I am. This pattern was established at a very young age and only worsened as I got older and grew into an adult. Now, it’s not only habit it’s part of me. A part I no longer want to be a member of.
I want to be healthy. I want to be able to shop in normal stores and wear respectable clothing sizes. I want to be free of worry that I may be at risk of many diseases and disorders because of my obesity. I want to smile and feel happy because I have successfully caused change in my life and reached the lifelong goal of being “normal”. I want to have grin lines that reveal the joy I yearn to feel.
I hate the word diet. “Diet” sounds temporary; a quick fix. I’ve never been good at it as it’s only led to failure in the past. But, I love the word “Healthy”. It’s a lifestyle. It’s strength, self control, energy, life. Healthy means no more extra doctor visit, only the yearly exams to keep me maintained. It means my mother will no longer complain about my size, my saggy boobs, the abnormality of my waist circumference, and the embarrassment of my walking out in public. Healthy means being attractive to other people but more importantly comfortable in my own skin. I can’t wait to be healthy. To get there, I have to first put healthy into my body.
To be healthy. Fresh vegetables, fruit, lean meats, water, healthy fats, nutritious foods packed with vitamins; natural and organic. Little to no sugar, minimal white carbohydrates, unwanted fats, sodas, processed foods. Physical activity is key to keeping my bones strong, my muscles functioning, and the fat burned off. To be healthy also means skincare, haircare, and keeping my teeth clean. It is just as important for me to keep my emotional self healthy with spiritual care, building relationships with family members as well as expanding but nurturing friendships, and intellectual stimulation through reading, puzzles, conversations, volunteering, traveling. There is so much to live for.
Be Inspired.
Be Yourself.
Take action.
I so understand what you are saying! I, too, am an emotional eater. Not overeating just, well, let’s say, heavy emphasis on sweet, wonderful sugary carbs, that are SO bad for me!
I, too, want the same things you want…the ability to be shop for normal clothes, the ability to be healthy, the ability not to be considered ‘obese’.
I also diet on, diet off, over and over again. The longest stretch was when I went from 300 to 167. Then I hit a rough part in my life with my bipolar daughter, had to leave my position and stay home with her, and well, let’s say, I began tipping the scale again at over 300!!!
On November 7 I had a revelation…it is all about me! no one else can control what I think or do and only I can be number 1 in my life! I am not dieting, I am LIVING IT!
You can too, change your mindset from dieting to living it, and you will do it! You are a beautiful person inside and it is time for the real you to emerge and be set free…regardless of what others may say or do!
IT sounds like you have a plan! I am a binger too. Just remember when you put something bad into your body the minute you are done eating is a new minute. SO what if you screwed up? You have an entire new minute to get it right. So don’t let a slip get you down. Just pick yourself back up and try to make good choices for the rest of the day. That is half the key to losing weight. The other half of the key is working out. Find something you like to do and start doing it. Walking is good, running is better. Denise Austin has some excellent workout videos. Stretch out with yoga. Start out with 3 times a week and work up to 5 times a week. If you workout, the pounds will fall off faster. Read everything you can about diet and nutrition…the more you know the better choices you will make! Good Luck! You can do this. Your gonna do great!