Good Morning Everyone!  I’m very excited for Monday.  The kids are heading to school and the husband is heading to work!  I will have the house to myself….thank goodness.  After the very busy weekend we had, I need it.  I ended up getting a head cold Sunday morning.  I felt it coming on last week and then it just got worse by saturday night and by sunday morning….full on!  This weekend, my nephew came over and stayed with us all weekend.  I love my nephew, but when he leaves, he truly makes me appreciate the two kids that I have.  It just seems much easier with two vs. three.  Saturday we went to the pumpkin patch in Rice Lake, WI.  It was very nice.  The kids had a blast.  We ended up getting a kitten and a baby bunny! Lets just say it’s been a chore getting the dog and cat to get along….we still aren’t there yet.  I am hoping eventually they will just leave eachother alone.  They certainly don’t have to be best friends. 

After we got home from the pumpkin patch, we did cake and presents with my parents and the kids and that was that.  Sunday, we all got up again and got preparing for the husbands’ side of the family to come over for the day.  We had a spaghetti dinner and cheesecake.  It was pretty darn good.  Things went well.  But, like i said, i’m glad it’s all over.  Now time for some R&R!

My diet?  Well, to be honest, it was pretty much thrown out the window.  I mean, I didn’t do bad all the time, but I did eat more of the cake than I had hoped and more of the cheesecake than I had hoped.  I felt like crap afterwards and I ended up just throwing them away.  That stopped the temptation totally.  I should have done that earlier!  But, it’s monday morning and i’m ready to jump back on the train. 

BREAKFAST:

1 Bagel………….230 calories

1 oz. cream cheese…………70 calories

1 Tbsp. strawberry jam……..50 calories

1 Large cup of jo…………..4 calories

total: 354 Calories

LUNCH:

1 whole and 2 egg whites……..102 calories

2 Tbsp. salsa……..10 calories

1/4 c. shredded cheddar……110 calories

1/2 c. black beans…………70 calories

1 tbsp. sour cream……..30 calories

total:676 Calories

DINNER:

1 cup Stoffer’s Lasagna……..280 calories

1/2 c. green beans…….25 calories

1/2 c. cottage cheese……..90 calories

total:1071 Calories

Well, today my daughter, Maddy, turned 6-years-old!  Yaay!  Her conferrences went well.  I stayed up last night and made up her cupcakes for her treat day at school.  I made chocolate cupcakes, with creamy filling and chocolate frosting…oh and of course, sprinkles.  lol.  I packaged them up in a bakery box, made sure they were all sitting just so and then babied them on my lap all the way to the school.  We made it! We are standing in the hallway waiting for the teacher to arrive to let us in the classroom.  I told my husband he should really set those cupcakes down on the floor, so he wouldn’t drop them.  “Nah”, he says.  Fine.  He starts messing around with the kids, holding the cupcakes with one hand.  Teasing them with the box filled with goodies, that I worked hard on.  I told him a couple times to stop, but he didn’t listen and then next thing you know….my daughter wanted to stop him from teasing her with the box, so she could see what they looked like, so she tried to stop the box with her hand! The box of cupcakes fell to the ground…all of them turned and stuck together.  Ugh, I was not happy.  But, thank goodness, they were all pretty much okay.  Edible anyways, lol.  Boys, I tell ya.  I feel like a single parent with three children sometimes! lmao.

So, that is how my morning went.  I feel pretty good this morning.  Yesterday, that was a bad day.  I was soooo tired and not feeling so great.  I think I am fighting off a cold.  I got some sleep last night.  I feel very energetic this morning, which is good, because boy, I have a lot to get done before 4pm this afternoon.  I won’t be recording my calorie intake on here today or the rest of the weekend, just because I won’t be at the computer.  I have a notebook that I also keep track of my calorie count in, so that is what I will be doing.  I will share with you on Monday how well or bad I did lol.  Okies, well I hope everyone has a terrific Friday and a wonderful weekend!!!!!! Until Monday!

Ugh, it’s morning!  I had such a hard time sleeping last night.  I am not sure if I am just anxious about these next few days of getting things ready for a busy weekend or what, but boy, can’t have anymore of those nights!  lol

Last night, I gave into my overeating part of me…i made our family fav. hotdish, at the request of my son, and i ended up going over my portion size.  I just scarffed it down, and even though I was feeling full, I ignored and continued.  Wow, you know, that is hard to admit.  Why is it so hard to admit when you have gotten off track from your goal?  It shouldn’t be, it’s human nature.  Every single person in this world, no matter what the goal, has veered the other way a time or two, even if for just one moment in time.  I’m upset with myself a little bit, but yet, I know, that one bad moment in the day will not wreck the WHOLE day, nor will it wreck the outcome of my goal.  Also, I have recognized my fault in my action, so that should say something. 

Overeating, hard habit to break.  Scarffing food down, hard habit to break.  I used to be a smoker….let me tell you, that was easy to quit vs. this food thing.  I’m around smokers all the time, and it doesn’t bother me like food does.  I need to get it into my head that I am never depriving myself of food, nor the foods that i absolutely love, but that I need to control them.  I need to know that they will always be there and to make a little bit and if I really want more, then make it again a different day.  It seems like I think the food is going to run out, like this one day is the only day i will be able to have this, and that is just not true.  See, it’s logic, but dang, it just seems to get lost in all the temptation and cravings….it’s insane!!!!

Well, anyways, today is a new day.  I’m feeling a little like just stuffing my face until I’m ready to throw up, but I can do this, I will get through this and overcome it!  Getting through this day, just like smoking, will be another notch into making me stronger!  I hope everyone has a great day today and a successful one!!!

BREAKFAST:

2 large eggs…..140 calories

1 slice whole wheat toast…..70 calories

1 slice of cheese……70 calories

1 pkg. deli turkey…..90 calories

1 big cup of jo….4 calories

total:374 Calories

LUNCH:

1 cup hotdish……300 calories

1 large cup of jo…..4 calories

total:678 Calories

DINNER:

 1 big cup of jo…..4 calories

1 cinnamon & raisin bagel w/2 oz. cream cheese……380 calories

total:1062 Calories

I woke up this morning, very hungry.  Usually, I don’t eat until like 9 or 10am, but occassionally, I do get hungry earlier.  I guess this kinda works too.  Have a little something now and then around my normal breakfast time, have a little something more and still stay within my calories.  Yesterday was actually a really decent day for me.  I didn’t really struggle with my cravings.  Towards dinner I got hungry, and I mean, tummy growling and causing discomfort, but I grabbed a small pack of turkey deli meat and that lasted until dinner time.  I probably should have went for a water instead, so that was my mistake, next time that is what I’ll grab.  Today, hopefully will go as easy.  The rest of the week are going to busy days, so that should help.  Okay….my list of food starts here:

BREAKFAST:

1 serving of Cinnamon Life Cereal with 1/2 c. fat free milk…..160 calories

3 egg whites……48 calories

1 tsp. honey dijon mustard…….10 calories

1 tsp. chopped fresh chives……0 calories

3 white mushrooms…..12 calories

1 tsp. veg. oil…….40 calories

total:270 Calories

SNACK:

1 pkg. deli turkey…..90 calories

total:360 Calories

LUNCH:

2 oz. pasta, cooked…..180 calories

1/8 cup of pasta sauce……30 calories

10 black olives……50 calories

1/4 cup diced tomatoes…….12.5 calories

total:632.5 Calories

SNACK:

6oz. fat free strawberry yogurt…..90 calories

1 less sugar choc. chip granola bar…….100 calories

total:822.5 Calories

DINNER:

1.5 cups hotdish……450 calories

1 slice whole wheat bread w/2 tsp. butter…….93 calories

total:1365 Calories

SNACK:

1/2 c. sugar free jello w/ 1 tbsp. lite whipped cream……..20 calories

total:1385 Calories

So, it’s tuesday.  Just sent my kids off to school and hubby out the door for a job interview.  I am so excited.  I sure hope he gets this job.  Anyways, it’s my daughter’s 6th birthday on Friday.  I’m kind of excited about it.  Busy time for us though, holidays and birthdays.  My family doesn’t get along with the husband’s family much, so we have to have two seperate get togethers, which kinda sucks, but ya know, what ya gonna do.  Saturday, we are taking the kids and my parents to the pumpkin patch for the day.  We are all excited, it will be a great time.  And Sunday, the husbands parents come over for a spaghetti dinner.  I will be going over my calorie intake this weekend, i’m pretty sure, but little portions of things, instead of heaping, and perhaps just a bite of cake on saturday and a bite of cheesecake on sunday.  Just so i get the taste of it, so i don’t feel like i am missing out.  We’ll see.  I am going to strive for that though.  I think the more sugar I put into my body, the worse off I am.  I think sugar is an addiction and the more you cut it out of your lifestyle the better off you will be…but easier said than done. I think the only way that is ever going to happen is if I stop buying processed stuff and stick to organic or no sugar added things.  Oh, that day will come, but right now, I have to use what I have. 

I am trying to figure out what I want to have for breakfast.  I know I should have some protein, but I just don’t feel like meat this morning, nor eggs.  I do feel like peanutbutter, but I would only allow myself 1 tablespoon of that, and would that really be enough protein?  I think i’m going to have maple & brown sugar oatmeal with a apple sliced up and 1 Tbsp. peanutbutter for breakfast.  Okay….so here is my list of what I’m having…

BREAKFAST:

1 Large cup of coffee(black)…..4 calories

1 pkt. of Maple & Brown Sugar Oatmeal(prepared with water)…….160 calories

1 medium apple with skin……81 calories

1 Tbsp. Peanut butter…..95 calories

total:340 Calories

SNACK:

1 6oz. fat free raspberry yogurt…..90 calories

total:430 Calories

LUNCH:

Tuna Melt……262 calories

1/2 c. chicken noodle soup(condensed, made w/ water)…..70 calories

total:762 Calories

SNACK:

Turkey Deli Slices(1pkg)…..90 calories

DINNER:

1 cup Philly Cheesesteak Hamburger Helper….300 calories

1/2 cup peas…….70 calories

total:1222 Calories

Good Afternoon everyone.  It’s Monday once again, ugh.  This morning, here in Wisconsin, it was raining.  It was so nice.  I was hoping the whole day was going to end up that way, but as I sit here at my computer, looking out my window, it’s sunny.  Oh well, sunshine is good too.  I hope everyone had a good weekend.  Mine, well it was good, but went by fast.  I kind of sabotaged myself this weekend.  I made cookies for the kids, well, I ended up having a few of those and then I had to make pumpkin bars for the hubby to bring to work, well, we all just HAD to try one of those before we shipped them off!  But other than those two things, everything else went well.  Today, I am back on track.  I started my morning off with a high protein breakfast with a 4 oz. portion of salmon(baked), 2 large eggs and 1 slice of whole wheat toast/no butter.  I like that kind of breakfast, keeps me going.  And it is 12 noon here and I’m looking for something to snack on.  I decided on a fat free blueberry yogurt.  If that doesn’t do it for me until lunch, which is should, then I have reserved myself a low sugar granola bar.  But anyways…Oh! I forgot.  I knew that I was keeping some knowledge on eating healthy in my head when I fell off the wagon, because everytime I took something, I would think about what I was taking and I wasn’t taking in nearly as much as I used to do….well, even though all that was occurring, I was feeling like I was gaining a ton of weight back that I worked so hard to get off…until last night, when I tried on a pair of goal pj pants and I just about got them on!  I didn’t get them on all the way, but up over my big butt and belly, so that is progress made.  I do know, that had I not fallen off the wagon, i would probably be in those babies already, but I do know that I didn’t gain any significant amount back.  So whew!

This morning, I had a talk with myself.  The fact that I do believe my knees are failing me.  They really make a crackling noise when i go up and down stairs.  It doesn’t hurt, but the sound that it makes, drives me crazy.  The talk was, is that anytime I find myself at wits ends with temptation and wanting to cheat, that I just need to take a step or two on the stairs to remind myself of another reason why I need to lose the weight.   I am hoping that once I lose weight that it will get better.  If not, well, at least then i will have lost a bunch of weight and will have cut that step out in towards getting surgery.  If any of you know what this might be, please fill me in.  Anyways, i guess that is it for now.  Will check back later this evening.

Okay, after reading blogs, I realized that a lot of you are posting what you have eaten for the day.  So I decided that it might be a good idea for myself to do the same.  I am currently working on staying around 1600 calories.  So far today I have had:

BREAKFAST

2 large eggs-fried w/pam…..140 calories

4 oz. portion of salmon-baked w/pam…..130 calories

1 slice of whole wheat toast-no butter……70 calories

total: 340 Calories

SNACK:

1-6 oz. fat free blueberry yogurt…….90 calories

total: 430 Calories

LUNCH:

1 flour tortilla…..110 calories

3 oz. top sirloin, sliced thin……172 calories

2 tsp. honey mustard……..20 calories

2 tsp. hidden valley ranch dressing……….46 calories

total: 778 Calories

DINNER:

Sloppy Joe Biscuit Bake…..423 calories

1 cheese slice…..70 calories

total:1271 Calories

SNACK:

1 apple….65 calories

1 Tbsp. Honey….64 calories

total:1400 Calories

So the day is coming to an end.  It actually went very well today.  The meeting at the school went very well.  The rest of the day went by pretty fast.  I managed to stay on track with my food.  I had to leave early this morning, and managed to bring along my breakfast, which was a low fat yogurt with granola and three slices of ham lunch meat. That lasted me until 12:30pm!  So, it was good.  Anyhow, I don’t have much to say, actually kind of shutting down for the night.  I’m headed off of here and going to take a shower and snuggle up in bed and watch a movie!  Hope everyone has a great evening!  Until tomorrow…

Well Good Morning!  I must say, I didn’t want to roll out of bed this morning, but I made it!  Today, I have a meeting with a counsler at a community college to get me enrolled for classes.  I am going for a HIT(Health Information Technologist).  I’m excited, but also very nervous.  This will be the first time in 4 years that I will have to be with people on a daily basis in an enclosed area.  I mean, I have hung out with friends and family, but it’s been 4 years since I’ve been to a schooling or a work setting. 

I’m nervous because of my size.  That’s the first thing on my mind always.  I’m always worried somebody is going to say something horrible or I will be denied.  The other thing I worry about, is if I need an outfit or something and they dont’ have my size, ya know…stuff like that.  It’s terrible how this sickness(that’s what I call it) affects every aspect of my life.  Absolutely, every single thing I do is affected by my weight.  Unbelievable.  I have actually been starting to withdraw from the idea of schooling, but my family won’t let me.  I’m scared.  With low self-esteem, you have very low cofidence…and that’s what I’m suffering from.  I have no confidence that I can do this.  I’m scared of being a failure and living up to what a lot of people look at me and judge me as because of my weight issue.  And I think part of me kinda of believes in that, ya know, because I have failed losing weight on my own, I have failed losing weight with the gastric banding, that I will fail at other attempts of success. 

I’m pretty sure, that once I start this schooling and get over the fear, that things will be okay.  I’m pretty sure that once I start school, that that will help the weight come off faster too, because I’ll have something else to focus on besides food, which will be extremely nice.  I have yet to see, in my 30 years of living, where my potential can take me.  I have held back and have become sheltered in my own body, to the point that i don’t know who I am anymore or what I am capable of.  All I know foresure, are all the things that I can’t do or won’t do because of my fears.  That’s backwards! I need to know ALL the things that I CAN do and face all the fears head on! I’m going to push myself to strive for those two things this year.  That is my new New Year’s Resolution(but starting it now), to find myself worth and to face my fears.  A big change from the norm of “My New Year’s Resolution this year is, to lose weight.” Which in a way, makes that a very small but affective change in my thinking, taking away the issue of weight. 

Well everyone, have a wonderful day.  I will check back this evening and post if there is anything to share.

Good Morning Everyone!  Yesterday went well.  I had my moments of insanity, but I made it through them.  I sure am in a good mood this morning.  I plan on doing some laundry and doing some picking up before the weekend gets here.  I really don’t like to use my weekends with my family for cleaning.  After those things are done, i’m looking forward to curling up in my chair and doing my crafts. 

I applied for a job yesterday.  I am not sure how it’s going to go, but I have my fingers crossed.   If I don’t get it, well, then I’m just going to keep trying and if I do get it….w00t w00t!! lol.  Anyways, that’s about all I have to say for now.  Except, getting totally off the subject here, but I am looking out my window as I am sitting here  at my computer desk and we have beautiful trees all around us and so everyday I sit here and see the changes happening to the trees and foilage around.  Fall is on its way!!! I really truly enjoy fall….what a great time of year.  The weather isn’t too hot, the leaves change color(beautiful), the crispness of the air in the mornings, the pumpkin patches, everything….it’s just wonderful!

Enjoy your day everyone!!!

Okay.  I sat down here because I really needed to do something to get my mind off of snacking.  That’s all I keep thinking about today, is what can I snack on.  You know, that gives you that satisfying crunch and the ability to do it for a good amount of time…like potato chips or popcorn, ugh.  I had Townhouse crackers in my hand, but ended up putting them back because I don’t want to fail.  Then I went for carrots and of course ranch dressing…put the dressing back and ended up with carrots.  I had a small palm full and now I’m done.  I decided the best thing to do would be to come on here and write about what’s going on, that I’m having this urge to purge. 

I think it’s because i’m in a good mood.  We got our electrical poles out of our yard today, which we have been waiting for, for a long time.  Now it’s done, and I feel relaxed and thankful that they are gone.  So, like I have said in a previous post, i eat with emotions…happy, sad, mad, whatever, i eat. 

I am feeling much better now that I have been sitting here typing about it.  Whew!  Okay, I am off to go get some laundry done and get stuff prepared for dinner!  Hope everyone has had a good day!