Its not the jeans that make me look fat -- its the FAT!!!

Trudging along

jayjay55 — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 19:56:53 +0000

Friday was a good day — although we did go out for dinner with friends to a Greek restaurant. I made a good choice and left most of the starches behind (rice and potatos is crazy) but the waitress brought us a dessert as a gift from her and no one else was eating it — I had to be polite (and it was GOOD) and I just sort of picked at it -others did join in but we still left half behind. I wasn’t feeling well when I left the restaurant -ate too much. Saturday was an amazing day. We had some upset in the morning (gotta love family drama ). We had booked ourselves in separate yoga classes in the afternoon. Mine was a 90 minute yoga experience class that started at 3:00 and my darling husband registered in Yoga for Stiff Men at 5:00. When I got to the studio I saw a note that the 5:00 class was cancelled. I asked the instructor if my DH could join the yoga experience class — he said yes and timing was everything DH was at the bank around the corner. We had the most fantastic yoga experience together. It was truly special. The class started right at 3 and I couldn’t believe it when he said that was it for the class and I looked at my watch - it was 20 to 5. I am a great believer that time passes quickly when you are enjoying something and this was really enjoyable. Next week we will be back to separate classes but once we finish those we most likely will do the couples yoga that take place every other week. Funny thing was I was hungry and thirsty right after the class - not really hungry but needed something. I had some almonds and popcorn as my afternoon snack. After that I wasn’t hungry at all. About 7:30 I got myself a bowl of grape tomatos and baby carrots and that completely satisfied me.

Lets see how Sunday is - we are off to the tennis club. My DH is playing with my BIL and if the weather is nice I will go walk along the beach - I loaded up my new IPod last night - so I am hoping for the rain to stop - otherwise I will just read and listen to music until they finish playing. And no I will never play tennis at the club. I don’t mind tossing the ball around on the community courts but the club is rather — not for fun

Sunday wasn’t the best of days. We needed to go shopping but didn’t get going fast enough. I thought I had a decent amount of food for lunch but by the time we ran to the mall (wasted time). Then drove out to the tennis club I was hungry again. I tried having a cup of tea to settle my tummy but by the time the guys finished playing tennis and we sat around having more tea my tummy was so miserable there was no recovery. I hate when that happens. I do my best to not let it happen but once I get too hungry there is nothing I can do to rid myself of the misery. Sadly I have to carbo load to get some sort of relief - it SUCKS!!!! No idea of my calories for Sunday - not even close to being good I don’t think. But that was yesterday and I have another day ahead of me.

Not keeping track of days — yet

jayjay55 — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 18:01:58 +0000

Yesterday was a strange day - eating wasn’t horrid but I was thrown right off schedule. That’s my only problem with all of this - I am fine as long as I can get up on time - eat my breakfast - have my snack about 10am - eat lunch between noon and 12:30 then afternoon snack about 2:30 - work out at 4 and then dinner about 6:30. Take out any of these from my schedule and I am thrown off. Yesterday I had to go do some work in one of our labs about 12:30 so I decided to hold off on my lunch until after I had returned. Just as I was coming back to the office I was taken away again to help set up a display for an info session. That was over 90 minutes of running around moving tables - moving boxes and generally working up a sweat - which sucked because I was dressed up for an awards ceremony later in the afternoon. I finally said I had to leave at 2 so that I could get something to eat. I totally loath being this large person complaining to everyone else I have to leave to eat - I am sure I could survive into the new year if I didn’t eat another meal . Nonetheless I physically hurt if I don’t eat and because I had the ceremony at 3:30 I wanted to be comfortable. I was honored to present an award in the memory of my dear friend that passed away three years ago from Breast Cancer - we worked hard to raise the money and this year the student was so thrilled to receive the award.

By the time I got home it was after 5 - I was exhausted and I just had some nuts to hold me over until dinner. Eljay if you are seeing this yesterday was one day I wished I had my PDA with me - just to see how I did with my eating. Not measuring my food is my biggest danger - that and not eating on time.

Long time no show

jayjay55 — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 19:59:34 +0000

And the scale proved it all too well last night. After a few months of dealing with my mom’s health (all good now), planning and executing our wedding I finally settled down and weighed myself last night. Not good back up to 249 — but I am commited (or should be) to slowly and surely doing this right. Doing my best this week to eat right and exercise more. Going to be an ongoing battle with my foot. I was on my Wii Fit last night for 10 minutes and in agony most of the time. Have to figure out how to make this work again.

One thing is I am now married to the most lovely man on this planet - he loves me for who I am inside and out. He will encourage me to lose for my health and happiness but he doesn’t care as long as long as I am happy. And aside from my happiness being his wife I am not happy with myself. I feel sooooo fluffy - bloated and not comfortable. Hard to imagine I was 30 pounds heavier than this at one time but I hope to NEVER go back there.

I will do my best to do a good lifestyle — dust of my PDA — use my Wii Fit more often and if all goes well and I lose a bit I can probably return to the gym - but the extra pounds make my foot problem just that must harder to deal with - -talk about a Catch 22.

Yet another tiny loss — makes me happy

jayjay55 — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 20:17:23 +0000

Time to get caught up - lots to report in my life - not much in the eating and exercising though. I did get up and get on the Wii Saturday and registered another .2 (note the point!!) loss which is good considering eating hasn’t been great but moving has been. Term start up I am running here there and everywhere solid. I also put on my walking shoes and did a short walk to meet up with my sweetie Saturday afternoon. Only 15 minutes but I look at every minute walking as a good one.

Now for the family portion of this program — holy crap how things can change in a minute - ok not that fast. Back story - when my husband passed away for many reasons (valid to me) I wrote off his family. The fact they are in New Zealand made it easy. A couple of months ago out of the blue my mom gets a letter from my SIL asking if she can stay with my mom (my mom met her once 10 years ago for lunch!!). Mom said no that her health wasn’t good and she didn’t know if she would be able to have a guest for who knows how long. We knew she was coming to town and on Wed my son came into the computer room to tell me his aunt was arriving Saturday night. The e-mail he got said she was arriving at 5:30 at the Holiday Inn downtown - end of e-mail. I tried to call and leave a message with no luck - they didn’t have her registered. I even tried calling New Zealand and got her daughter - she had no idea what her mom’s plans were. So I washed my hands of the situation. Only for 10 minutes - then my son called and was in a total panic - his aunt was downtown and in complete panic - her note was her way (stupid though it was) asking him to pick her up at 5:30 He didn’t know what to do so he gave her my address and she took a cab ($70 ride). I am sure her brother is rolling over and calling her a silly b_itch.

I greeted her with open arms and a clean bed to sleep in (we had been using it for storage since my son moved in ) She is by herself today because we all work but my son’s girlfriend gave us the best solution - -she got her a room in a downtown hotel - luxury one at that for a HUGE reduction!!! So we had a nice visit - she really didn’t intentionally mean to take advantage - that family just doesn’t have a clue about things sometimes - the stories I could tell — all I know is when I buried my husband with his father — I knew the two best of that family were together forever.

Needless to say my eating has actually been reduced - I am too busy running here and there - I am making better choices than I have in my entire life. When I feel stressed about something I have two tablespoons of ice cream rather than two bowls and for me that is a success - of course not one that will get me to 140 pounds by year end. But I am still slowly and surely heading in the right direction and as I have said before I have never done this in my life. Being conscious of what I am eating and making sure I do move is the ticket to healthy. My happiness comes from elsewhere and has nothing to do with how I look or feel.

No - 20 is NOT just a number

jayjay55 — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 15:09:22 +0000

Strange weekend after registering a two pound loss on the Wii Fit Saturday - I felt quite good about myself and then headed out dress shopping with my mom. I didn’t know the store she wanted to take me too and I kept asking if they cater to larger sizes. The second store we were going to try definitely did. Anyway my mom felt positive and I waited until we got there. Yes they had larger sizes but NOTHING I even wanted to try on. My mom pulls one dress off the rack and says “just try on the jacket”. Now I buy in Plus Size and yes the sizing is pleasing to my ego. So when I try on a size 20 jacket and can’t even come close to doing it up I am ready to pack it in right then and there. I was furious with myself and with the fashion industry. I was positive I had no right in this store. Of course the owner of the store kept saying “its just a number” - well its a FRIKKEN HIGH NUMBER!!! I worked hard to get out of the 20’s and will wear t-shirts and sweat pants before I go back there again.

My mom was so happy to have me there and the owner was being so helpful I decided to go along with some of the items they pulled for me - oh and remember I LOATH SHOPPING at the best of times. They bring me this one beige dress and this time the 20 was too big and the 18 was just fine. But it was beige and had no shape whatsoever. She then brings me the same dress in navy blue — it look better in the darker colour but geesh my decor is navy blue - white and green. I would look like part of the decor rather than the accent. So I am ready to pack it in - I have now tried on more dresses than I probably have in the last 5 years. Ironically my mom met an old neighbour (I used to babysit her) - they were talking (I wasn’t in the mood LOL). So I decided we were there I should make one last concerted effort to see what was available. I kept being attracted to this darling little dress on one rack - no way it was my size or style but I wandered to the rack anyway and on the next side was this beautiful size 18 three piece dress. In a lovely ice blue - I put on the jacket and it felt good - then I tried on the skirt and top and for the first time since we walked in the store I smiled - I really smiled. I LOVED it!!!!

So I have my dress - its lovely - I am going to leave the length long, even if I am having an afternoon wedding - -I am the bride and if my groom can wear a formal suit I can wear a formal looking dress. Besides I won’t have to wear pantyhose if I leave it long and lets face it that is a BONUS!!!!

Pictures will be posted after the wedding - until then the dress will remain under cover.

Now I can’t really loose any weight nor can I put any on but I sure would like to tone things up - back to where I was last summer before all my (and my mom’s) health issues hit.

Catching up

jayjay55 — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 15:10:36 +0000

Stringing together a lot of very good days with my eating. I am amazed at how well this is going. I am not being perfect by any means but keeping the fridge stocked with good choices and keeping the bad choices out of the cupboards is the best bet for me. I look back and think of what I used to do on a regular basis that don’t even clock in on my eating radar now.

The weather has cooled off and with that my moving will increase so I am looking forward to slowly and surely seeing some improvment. Yesterday I got home from work and my sweetie grabbed the car keys from me and went to his chiropractor and massage appointment. I started to tidy up the kitchen and then decided that it was so nice out that I would walk over to the chiropractors office and surprise him. It was a lovely walk - only about 15 minutes but that to me is better than nothing. The look of surprise and happiness on his face when he saw me waiting for him was WAYYY COOOLLLL.

We are heading out for dinner with his uncle from Australia tomorrow and for the first time ever I am not obsessing about what I am going to order - I will eat what I feel like eating. I will go armed with the calorie counts and that will help me make choices but the bottom line is I will eat what I want - just not be foolish.

Feeling Good

jayjay55 — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 15:14:17 +0000

Feeling really good about my eating right now - I should fire up my calorie counter but I know I am doing well. The other day I decided to measure out my cereal because I felt like I was pouring out extra each morning. I was amazed to measure out the cup and find out it was pretty much exactly what I was pouring on my own. I guess that is part of my success with the tiny losses. Once we get through this heat wave I will be able to get moving even more. Neither of us have felt like going out and it doesn’t cool off until after 9pm and by then we are just too tired.

Got my engagement book from Shutterfly yesterday - I was pleased how it looked online and the real thing is even better. My son was so impressed - I can hardly wait to start working on his book for Christmas. I am going to compile all the pictures of him and his dad (some with the three of us LOL). It should be a nice keepsake for him. I have also asked my mom to get all her old favourite family photos (really old ones) and I will scan them and write down what they mean to us. Cool projects - sort of like scrapbooking but no glue - YAY!!!

Another tiny loss - its a good thing

jayjay55 — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 14:54:34 +0000

Ok another teeny tiny success — I finally stepped on to my Wii Fit Saturday morning and was ready to see a gain but registered a loss — tiny but its a loss. Its proving to me that my paying attention is helping me out somewhat. It also proves to me if I paid even closer attention I would be registering losses. I will take this .4 loss as a sign to get moving better. I have no excuses anymore - well except the stress that will pile on soon with the start of the new term and the looming wedding date (that is GOOD thing!!). Moving more is the key - I am still having some problems moving like I used to. I can walk for about 20 minutes before I have to sit down and let me foot rest. But at least I don’t have to stop completely - I can walk for about 20 minutes then relax for 5 then walk for another 20+ and as long as I ice my foot when I get home its all good. Nothing much I can do — its chronic - I wear the orthotics it works to a certain degree but its not like it was last year - or will ever be again in my life. But it could be wayyyy worse.

Here we go again LOL

jayjay55 — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 15:13:58 +0000

Ok how cool is this - I forgot that I wanted to make August 5th my day one (yet again LOL) and guess what it was!!!! I got up yesterday and packed up my lunch and made a concerted effort all day to eat right. Didn’t move too much at work which is unusual but we did get out for our evening walk. It was still warm and uncomfortable at 8 but we did it. We are going to do our best to set aside an hour in the evening to either do something on the Wii or get out and walk when the weather is nice.

Yesterday was the first day of my sweetie’s new job. He walked to work in the morning and I was able to pick him up - -its reversed now. For now the shift he is on I can drop him off but he has to walk home. We are doing our best to make up for not car-pooling. We may not be car-pooling to perfection but we are saving almost 4000 miles a year on the car with his new job. Also with the added extra time at home we will use that time to our health benefit. Funny I would get home at 5 before and graze until dinner time. Yesterday we got home at 4 and I ate my normal 3 o’clock snack and had dinner an hour earlier so this should save me quite a few calories in the day.

I was watching Dr Phil yesterday about fat abusers (miserable spouses). One fellow was 305 pounds and ate a horrid absolutely horrid diet. It was pointed out to him that all he had to quit in his day was the Mountain Dew and ice cream and he would drop close to 100 pounds. Its stuff like that that pisses me off to no end. I stop almost all my crap in my daily diet - work out like crazy and end up dropping nothing in a year. I HATE that math - this guy can still eat his cheesy fries (according to his calorie intake) but only had to stop one treat and lose weight - ARGHHHHH Ok enough of that rant. I must keep going the way I am going my goal to lose the 10 pounds before the wedding is slipping away on me but I won’t put 10 pounds on - I refuse!!!

Maybe next week

jayjay55 — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 16:30:54 +0000

Still fluffy but will be getting back to “norm” next week. Hoping to make August 5th day 1 (yet again). We will be getting an extra hour to hour and a half in our day at home now. Both of us would like to use that time wisely for both our health benefits. We will play with Wii on bad days - go for walks on nice days - just hopefully do what we need to do and I have to get back to weighing and measuring. I am not being horribly bad - but not being great either. I will admit yesterday I was jonesing for a treat when we went shopping. I bought my sweetie two huge cookies and wandered through the bakery section looking for something. Thank goodness for the calorie labels. I had one delicious looking chocolate mousse cake in my hands — I turned it over and it was 770 calories!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Back it went and I bought a small slice of carrot cake (that’s healthy right?? LOL). At least it will take about three sittings to eat the cake - probably about 300 calories a sitting - so much better — right??? LOL

My mom wants to take me dress shopping - so I will have to suck it up and buy something fabulous - it just won’t be a size 12. I saw one style online the other day that looks gorgeous - hoping I can find something similar to try on. The wedding is becoming a larger monster than I had hoped for - my list is getting longer and the date is looming. Just have to breath and get it done - before I know it, it will be Oct 19 and it will be all over but the bills to pay