Its not the jeans that make me look fat — its the FAT!!!

Been an interesting week — I decided that I best stop fooling around with my calories and decided on Monday morning to make a concerted effort to keep my calories between 1600 and 1800 (instead of 1800 - 2000).  Did well for the most part even though Wed was the hottest recorded July 11 on record — got up to 37 degrees - blech.  I also decided to attend an out of town wedding at the end of August — several of us are going so its also a good reason to try and get off this plateau (I am bored with the view) and start eating and exercising right.  I was able to exercise three times although my plan for a fourth fizzled with the heat — I am not going to do bootcamp in 30 degree weather (for any of my American friends reading this 30C = 100F)

 Yesterday I also mustered up the courage to seek out our old family videos.  We weren’t much into videos when our son was growing up and last time I even saw one of the videos was several years ago when my husband was in a coma — it upset our son to watch the video so it was turned off and never seen again.  Two things took me by surprise yesterday - first one was hearing my late husband’s voice.  Knocked me for an emotional loop but glad I finally did it.  Second was seeing a video of me taken May of 1997 - I must have been close to 300 pounds.  It shocked me to see myself that huge — pictures are one thing a video was OMG!!!!!  Well one thing it did make me feel was ever so grateful that I have started this lifestyle - -shed much of that weight and do everything in my power to never return there again.  It was a tough time in my life — my husband was suffering from severe clinical depression - -I was so very very lonely and fed my lonliness with food - -yep that worked.  Anyway like I saw somewhere today — I must turn what I percieve as negatives and turn it into positives.  I won’t mourn for how I looked in the video 10 years ago - I will revel in the fact that here I am 10 years older — I am so much healthier and wiser.

Filed under: General on July 15th, 2007