Sorry I have been MIA, but life has a way of getting inbetween me and my computer.  I am doing alright.  I am power walking, not running yet, but in another week I will spread my wings. 

My DH sister is visiting……I am working the entire time she is here, so will hardly see her.  That is okay, we are not close and  she came to see him not me.

My diet has been awful…..dreadful……….WTF.   I do so well and then boom………pig out.  I am not sure what the hell is wrong with me.  Being fat is sometime I can control if I make the choice to do so, but for some reason I just cannot seem to get a grip on it.  Why does food seem so fuckin important?   Why can I not be satified with a taste or a bite?  Why do I have to gorge until I am so full I cannot move?  Why do I like sugary stuff and sweet stuff and too much salty stuff.  Why can I not control this raging fucking appetite of mine?  What is missing in my life so much that I have to overcompensate with food?????  WHAT?

This is how I am feeling:  mood swings big time, total loss of sexual energy, ithcy skin, insomnia, night sweats, irritated 24/7, mildly depressed………….WOW, sounds like a huge hormonal swing.  How can that be I ask, the doctor put me on Premarin, so it must be all in my head.   So I have been doing a lot of reading regarding hormones and guess what???  Not only is Premarin not a natural human hormone, it is made from horse urine, no hormone is a one dose fits everyone.  I am probably on the wrong hormone, and most definitely on the wrong dose.  And because I don’t have a uterus anymore I am no longer producing any testosterone either!  So I finally called a female OBGYN I know and cried over the phone as I blubbered my problems and symtoms and told her I was losing my mind.  She laughed and told me I need a different hormone, a different dose and probably some low dose testosterone…………….OMG………….didn’t I just fucking read that somewhere??  I wanted to call my regular doctor and read him a riot act but decided against it for two reasons: 1. he is a man and they all think this hormone thing with woman is no big deal, all part of aging…….BULLSHIT.  2.  he is not the only doctor that simply put woman on low dose premarin.  It is the most common hormone and 99.9% of doctors don’t regulate for the individual woman.  Thank gawd I can read and investigate.  I am also looking into HGH…human growth hormone.  Going to get a blood draw and make a decision from there.

Anybody ever read Suzanne Somer’s the “Sexy Years”   If you are perimenopasal, or post menopasal….read it.  It is an excellant book and so is her new one.  Lots of great info regarding hormones and bioidentical hormones vs synthetic hormones.  A real eye opener for sure.

Anyway I am trying so hard to get my life on track.  Diet wise, exercise wise and hormone wise.  I have spend the first 50 years wanting balance, now I just have to get it……..I NEED to……….