I have decided if one more person bring us some damn candy or chocolate for Christmas I will scream.  And of course that is also including the cookies and the caramel popcorn and all the other junk food.  And most of this junk is coming from the doctors!  Don’t they know what the hell healthly treats are?    Don’t they know I cannot control my mouth?  Especially when I see butter glazed crackers…..OMG it is a conspiracy!   They want us fat, it is job security!!!

 Trying to be good, I packed a huge salad, a string cheese stick and some fresh blackberries for my lunch tonight.  I came to work with my little lunch bag all set to face the hordes of junk and stay strong.  I brought my lunch to my office and stashed it in my fridge and mixed up a fresh drink of vita-rain and was ready to go.  All of a sudden a code blue is called in the ICU, and I am off to a running start on my shift.   I take off down to ICU and after about 35 mins we call the code.  As I am leaving the ICU, Dr S comes running up to me, “Shannon, wait I have something for you.”  OMG, the hair stands up on the back of my neck and I freeze.  Sure enough, she hands me a bag and in the bag is fresh Hilo made Angel Crunch Butter Glaze Crackers.    I smile graciously and thank her, the entire time silently plotting her demise in many painful ways.  There goes my points for the day, BOOM out the window in a bag of ANGEL CRUNCH BUTTER GLAZED CRACKERS…excuse while I wipe the crumbs off my computer.  ( Blush)

I made a conscious choice to eat these crackers CAUSE NO WAY IN HELL WAS I GIVING THEM UP, THEY ARE MINE!….she says as she growls while standing protectively over her crackers.  So I will have to accept the wide fat old hip and flabby thighs that go with them.  And no my salad will not balance out the crackers, I already tried that.  I was hoping having to do CPR would work them off, but I only did the drugs tonight not the compressions, so no physical stuff either.

Sometimes I just cannot say NO to certain foods even thou I know I will feel guilty and disgusted with myself for eating them.  I will beat myself up and wish I would not have done it, but at the time I don’t stop.  Does anyone else do that, eat as if you were starving even thou you really don’t want or need it?  And then feel really bad about it?

My intentions are really good, and then we all know what they say about good intentions and the road to hell…

Good thing tomorrow is another day.