Went to the urgent care today cause my mouth and tongue are still bothering me and it is weeks now.  Seems I have “thrush”  from all the antibotics I have had to take due to my diverticulitis.  Figures

Well the nice and friendly divorce that the kids were going to have lasted all of a week and has now gotten down and dirty and I knew it would .  I have been there, done that and got the fuckin t-shirt.  It is all full of he did and she did and she said and he said, and both are forgetting there is a poor baby girl involved in this whole mess.

I am trying to stay out of it, no let me rephrase that, I AM STAYING out of it.  I will continue to love both of them, but I refuse to listen to them bad mouth each other.    My concern is for my grand daughter, and of course if push comes to shove, I will never turn my back on my son ever.  My DIL is getting very nasty, saying and doing things that I never expected of her, and right now I am putting it all on the fact that she is hurting and in pain and she will be okay, but I am shocked at some of the vileness coming from her mouth and in front of my grand daughter.  She is doing everything that she said she would never do, and in doing so is also forgetting that this is my son.  I am really trying to be neutral, so right now I have just decided to not phone and to only be here if they call me to talk but to not listen to any neqative talk.  My son has said nothing bad about her at all, but she is really full or rage.  He said she has been like this for a year and I feel this is part of the depression that she will not get treated.  I worry about her.

But I have to step back, they are adults and I cannot run their lives or tell them what to do.

In the meantime, my diet is non existant, I am eating whatever I can stuff into my fat face.  Which because my mouth and tongue are so fookin sore is yogurt and soup, and I am still gaining weight and bloated.  I am lucky if I can sleep more than an hour at a time.  My hair is fallling out, I am the bitch witch from hell, I am getting hives. I am having hot flashed and horrid mood swings and I am already post menepausal and on HRT.   I cry all the time (WHICH IS SO FUCKING NOT LIKE ME)  I am so tired I cannot stand it, but cannot sleep.  DH is leaving tomorrow for 2 weeks.  I have thrush and I hurt :(               I feel like a big bag of poop!

Either I am so stressed that I am falling to pieces faster than I can pick them up, or I am in the middle of a thyroid storm and I need to have my thyroid checked and that is why I am not handling the stress and am falling to pieces.

I am going to the doctor on Monday and have my TSH levels checked to find out what the hell is going on…… WTF!

I so still want to be a wolf in my next life.  I want to run in the woods and bay at the moon.  And rip the throat out of the next SOB that pisses me off………….ah that felt good :)