Well the saga of my son and DIL continues.  They have decided to get a divorce.  They don’t want to be married anymore.  They don’t want counseling.  They love each other but they don’t “love” each other.  They are not interested in anyway in staying together.

Most of this is my son.  He just doesn’t want to be married to her anymore.  She blames him 100%, he blames him 100%.  They have become so vicious and mean to each other.  Hateful.   All I heard from her was constant belittlement and criticise, and he just totally shut her out both emotionally and physically.  How can you love one minute and be so indifferent the next?  I did, I left my son’s dad when he was only a year old.  The same age as my grand daughter, so why am I so hurt and surprised by it all?  Because I wanted more for my son, for my grand daughter.  I didn’t want her to grow up in a home without a dad, or be a step child. 

Why?  I dunno.  I have seen many very loved step childred.  And I grew up in a home with a dad and I wish I would not have.  And my son grew up in a home without a dad and he did fine.  And my son will always be there for his daughter, they are going to share custody.

What do I fear the most?  I love my DIL.  I am more a real “mom” than a mother in law.  The only one she has, so I don’t think I will lose her.  I know my son would never want me to not love her, even thou he does not “love” her anymore.  The loss of my son.  I fear that he is taking a path that is not right, that is filled with wrong choices, but he is 32 years, what can I do?  I spoke my fears, disappointment, and displeasure, but almost my unconditional love.  No, I fear the loss of my grand daughter.  I have seen so often the mother losing her grand children to the “new” family if and when the DIL remarries or when the bitterness makes the DIL start to pull the child away.  

Right now they are talking and being so “adult”  Not wanting to hurt each anymore that what they are.  Wanting to remain friends, wanting to end the marriage now before they hate each other, wanting only the best for the baby and each other, but how long will that last?   When will the fighting start and the anger, and when will the pain and the reality set in and they will want to hurt each other.  When will they realize this is real, not a game and then they will not be so “adult”  or will they?   I was 17 when I married, 19 when I had my son, and 20 when I divorced.  They are in their early 30s, so maybe they will not tear each other to shreds, maybe they will be adult.  Maybe a family will be broken but left intact…maybe.

 I know my heart is broken, and I have cried a lot of tears, and when I talked to my son today, he too was crying, so I know there are a lot more tears and a lot more heart ache and pain ahead for all of us.  But I suppose we will heal, and we will move forward, and perhaps Courtney is young enough that she too will be okay.  After all she has two parents that love her to pieces even thou they no longer love each other.  And I will protect and look after her with my life, always.

I never thought my son and DIL would ever quit.  They have been together since they were kids.  I thought they were going to be a sucess story.  They were my magic fairy tale, better than Cinderella or Snow White.  I had such faith in them, they gave me hope, they were going to make it.  I didn’t, but they were going to.  Now I don’t think I believe in marriage anymore.  I don’t think that ceremony means anything.  I don’t think humans are made to mate for life, so do, some are lucky and find their soul mate, but does marriage give us a promise that it will last.  The single piece of paper that we sign with our solemn promise to forsake all others, to honor and cherish, in sickness and in heath………..until death do we part..

Yah, right….now if that is not the biggest fuckin lie in the world, right up there with the check is in the mail.

Nothing lasts forever, and promises are only as good as the paper they are written on……….

Life sucks!