Well here I was all proud of myself cause I finally got the format for the presentation I have to do in Oahu on Thursday, bought my little markers etc.  Had the outline done and was ready to rock it together tonight at work…………………THEN

I get to work and there is an email from the lead instuctor telling me I was given the wrong topic for my assignment and would I MIND changing to the one I should have been given orginally.  And of course being the big boob chicken I am, I said of course I would not mind!  So I am starting all over with a new assignment topic.  Now the good thing is that the new topic they gave me is a breeze.  It is one that I am very up on and will not take a lot of research, so I guess it is DAMN and YIPPEE!

Things are pretty busy here tonight and unfortunately one of the nurses I cannot stand is working in the ER tonight.  She is such a miserable unhappy crabby old whiner, she drives me nuts.  She is rude to the other staff and does nothing but complain.  We have had it out a couple times and the last time I worked with her I almost sent her home on suspension.  She is better around me now, but will not look me in the eye and only will speak to me if I speak first.  No biggie, I would rather not talk to her at all.

My anniversary dinner:  diet wise I did great.  Had a big caesar salad, no champagne, and then angel hair pasta with shrimp and scallops.  The dish only had a total of 3 scallops and 2 shrimp…WTF, and it was 29 dollars!  I ate the seafood and 1/2 of the pasta, so basically paid 29 for a bowl of pasta!  But did have a bailey and coffee after the meal.  But as far as being an anniversary dinner it was no different than just going out any other time.  Nothing romantic, no long walk after dinner, no holding hands…nada.  We came home immediately after eating, and hubby went to bed and I stayed up and watched TV and read…..sigh!  I don’t know why I was hoping for more.  I know he is not romantic or passonate at all, never has been.  I remember complaining to him once, and he had the nerve to say to me, “I used to be really romantic with my ex wife, but I guess I lost it after her.”  OMG, that was such a nice thing to say to me, so he was romantic with the ex, but I am not worth the bother!!!!!  He has never been sexual with me (he says he was with her!) and of course he has every excuse in the book for me.  Too tired, too stressed, too this and too that.  I asked him to see a doctor but hell no, there is nothing wrong with him.  I used to complain and then for a couple weeks he would act like a sex maniac, but as soon as he felt that he had proved himself he would just quit again.  So I don’t bother saying anything anymore, no worth it.  I don’t want him to make love to me to prove what a man he is, I cannot feel that he is sincere anymore.  In fact part of me believes he is gay.  He will never admit it even if it was true, never, as it would kill his family.  They would totally disown him, no doubt there at all.  So now it has been almost two years since we have had sex of any kind.  And the funny part of it is he is younger than me, it should be me that is not wanting it, but he has always been this way.  I just thought it was because he was shy at first, but I know better now.  I think I thought I could change it, or maybe I believe his excuses, I don’t know, but it hurt, doesn’t anymore.  I am so over it.  But still some kind of intimacy would be nice.  I feel married to a room mate, not a partner or mate, just a room mate.