If you want to do something you’ll find a way. If you don’t want to, you’ll find an excuse. -source unknown

OMG, I am so fookin stressed right now. Here it is 0630am and I am NEVER out of bed at this time of day, unless I have not been to bed yet. I hardly slept a wink last night and have been up since 5am.

WHY? I have to go to Oahu on Weds for an ACLS instructor’s course on Thursday. For the layman, ACLS is Advanced Cardiac Life Saving. I am going to be the instructor for the hospital I work at. That part does not bother me, as I am already the BLS instructor there…..BLS being Basic Lifesave otherwise known as CPR.

I have to study and get ready, no biggie as I do know my stuff. Have to know it or I would not be a House Supervisor. I also have do do an online “Core Instructor Course” again no biggie.

BUT, I also have to do a 20 min class presentation………YES, OMG! I am getting palpatations just thinking about it. I don’t know why I am, cause I teach twice a month now and that involves public speaking, and that does not scare me. Maybe it is because I will not know any of the others there…..what if I am not as good as they are? What if my presentation sucks?

I have to do it on Acute Coronary Syndrome…again no biggie, BUT I am so stressed I cannot sleep! I don’t want to do this, I am really scared. Everyone will be watching me. I cannot believe this is doing this to me. I am a damn good instructor, I love doing it, so why am I so stressed about this presentation??? WTF

I was so looking forward to going to Oahu, having a day to myself away from home. And a day in the big city. I could shop, get a pedicure and just be with ME for a while, but now I am so stressed I don’t even want to go :(

And of course because I feel stressed all I can think about is fookin food! Gooey food! Comfort food! I am staring at that picture I took of my fat belly and refusing to give in to my cravings.

So I guess now that I am up and sleep is out of the question, I will do the on line course, get that out of the way. Then I can study and not feel like I cannot go out for the “anniversary” supper tonight. Another stressor, hubby thinks it is so great, five years together and he thinks they are such great years, while I think I am barely holding on.

Why am I making such a mountain out of a mole hill?