Losin it in Paradise

10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE ‘ESTROGEN ISSUES’

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You’re adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelette.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You have the air conditioner on high and are sweating while everyone else is wearing a jacket.
6. Everyone’s head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from ‘outer space.’
9. You’re sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

 On that little note :)   I finally went and saw a doctor, a real OBGYN, not my family doctor.  No bad against my family doc but he is a he and he is not an OBGYN.  Now why in hell I put it off as long as I did, I will never understand especially when I came out of that appointment educated, listened to and involved.  How simple is that?

I went and saw one of the female OBGYNs that work here and who I really like.  I told her about the problems I am having and about being on premarin.  Here is what we talked about and it really is a no brainer:

1.  hormones doses are NOT a one dose fits all.  And it seems that the entire female population that is on Premarin is on 0.625mg once a day.  Not all woman are alike so why should their hormone needs be alike??  

2.  lots of options besides Premarin and they are not animal products, but are bioidentical which means they are like what WE humans produce.

3.  Woman also make testosterone not just estrogen, so when we have no ovaries we don’t make either, so why do doctors just put us on estrogen?

3.  The first dose of hormones that a doctor puts you on is just a trial.  It takes testing and tweeking to find the dose that FITS YOU.

4.  Just having a hormone level that is ADEQUATE FOR YOUR AGE, is not appropriate.  It is good to have a hormone level that is healthy as it was before you were post menopausal….OR MY AGE!

5. Men will NEVER understand even if they are men doctors.

So she started me on Divogel at triple the dose of the Premarin I was taking.  I used the gel once a day.  I am also on low dose testosterone cream once a day.  And progesterone cream for 6 days a month only.  This is what I have noticed already………..I have some breast tissue again, not just two tube socks hanging on my chest.  My hair is no longer falling out in hand fulls.  I have not had a hot flash or night sweats since Monday. 

What I have not noticed yet is an increase in my libido, an improvement in my irritablility or moods, or improved insomnia.  She said that can take a while, so we are to give it 3 weeks on the same dose before we start to tweek it.

But bottom line is that I am feeling better.  And I have faith that she will help me find what is right for me.  Finally after 6 years of doing the Premarin battle, there is hope. 

So if anyone out there is on Premarin and doesn’t feel it is working for them or you are worried about the problems associated with Premarin, see a OBGYN and talk about biodentical hormones.  And if they won’t talk to you or listen to you, go to another one until you find one that will listen and talk.  Trust me it is so worth it.  No one should have to live in hormone hell…ever.

AND, she also told me that Premarin cause weight gain especially in the stomach area!!!!!    WTF, I thought it was the chocolate chip cookies

…..well as long as it is an old fat fiddle

Knee healed, have the day off, so after I sleep I am going to go for my first run since I hurt the damn thing.  Will start with a bike ride and go from there.

Got a little better with the diet over the wkend.  Had a real craving for sweet potatoes.  So stopped at the store on the way home from work yesterday morning, and bought sweet potatoes, turnips, and spagetti squash….yummy.  Stayed up most of the morning and cooked veggies so would have them for my lunch at work that night.  So did not get to bed until after 11am and then had to read a bit as usual and then up at 3pm cause I can never sleep longer than that…. surprised I am not dead tired, but I don’t feel tired at all.  I will though around noon.

So meals yesterday were:   special k w soy milk for breakfast.  Then for my dinner I had asparagus and turnips and sweet potatoes.   Snack was some mango.  And I also had my chai tea.  I am totally hooked on chai tea and vanilla soy milk.   I guess I am replacing it for my soda and coffee that I no longer drink.   I only ever eat 2 times a day with a snack, cannot fit in three meals between working 14 hours and sleeping

Hope everyone is doing okay.  SIL still here and today is DH b’day, so will pick up a cake on the way home from work.  I will buy chocolate cake cause I don’t like it….kidding…it is DH’s favorite.  Not kidding that I don’t like it thou, I only like angel or carrot cake….damn fussy ain’t I?

Nah, not so fussy or I would not have an ass that looks like 2 puppies fighting in a burlap sack when I walk…..

Sorry I have been MIA, but life has a way of getting inbetween me and my computer.  I am doing alright.  I am power walking, not running yet, but in another week I will spread my wings. 

My DH sister is visiting……I am working the entire time she is here, so will hardly see her.  That is okay, we are not close and  she came to see him not me.

My diet has been awful…..dreadful……….WTF.   I do so well and then boom………pig out.  I am not sure what the hell is wrong with me.  Being fat is sometime I can control if I make the choice to do so, but for some reason I just cannot seem to get a grip on it.  Why does food seem so fuckin important?   Why can I not be satified with a taste or a bite?  Why do I have to gorge until I am so full I cannot move?  Why do I like sugary stuff and sweet stuff and too much salty stuff.  Why can I not control this raging fucking appetite of mine?  What is missing in my life so much that I have to overcompensate with food?????  WHAT?

This is how I am feeling:  mood swings big time, total loss of sexual energy, ithcy skin, insomnia, night sweats, irritated 24/7, mildly depressed………….WOW, sounds like a huge hormonal swing.  How can that be I ask, the doctor put me on Premarin, so it must be all in my head.   So I have been doing a lot of reading regarding hormones and guess what???  Not only is Premarin not a natural human hormone, it is made from horse urine, no hormone is a one dose fits everyone.  I am probably on the wrong hormone, and most definitely on the wrong dose.  And because I don’t have a uterus anymore I am no longer producing any testosterone either!  So I finally called a female OBGYN I know and cried over the phone as I blubbered my problems and symtoms and told her I was losing my mind.  She laughed and told me I need a different hormone, a different dose and probably some low dose testosterone…………….OMG………….didn’t I just fucking read that somewhere??  I wanted to call my regular doctor and read him a riot act but decided against it for two reasons: 1. he is a man and they all think this hormone thing with woman is no big deal, all part of aging…….BULLSHIT.  2.  he is not the only doctor that simply put woman on low dose premarin.  It is the most common hormone and 99.9% of doctors don’t regulate for the individual woman.  Thank gawd I can read and investigate.  I am also looking into HGH…human growth hormone.  Going to get a blood draw and make a decision from there.

Anybody ever read Suzanne Somer’s the “Sexy Years”   If you are perimenopasal, or post menopasal….read it.  It is an excellant book and so is her new one.  Lots of great info regarding hormones and bioidentical hormones vs synthetic hormones.  A real eye opener for sure.

Anyway I am trying so hard to get my life on track.  Diet wise, exercise wise and hormone wise.  I have spend the first 50 years wanting balance, now I just have to get it……..I NEED to……….

Basically I feel like shit…my head is all congested and my throat hurts like hell.  I have been fighting this grud all week and now it has beaten me.  Of course it did, it is my weekend off starting tomorrow.  It is the first July 4th I have had off since moving to the US ten years ago.  And now I feel like a droopy bag of poo…..

I never get colds, I am always able to fight them off, but boom….did this sucker get me.  And I am at work, and I feel awful and I have 7 more hours to go and I have already done 7 hours.  And it is busy and all the crazies are out in full force….

Waaaaaaaa!

I don’t feel good :(              sniffle……cough….cough!            sniffle…………….

Ow, and double ow. ……fuck!   I blew out my knee on Saturday while running.  My own fault, I could feel it getting sore, but would I stop?  Hell no, that would have been too intelligent.   So now here I am can hardly stand the pain, haven’t been able to stay off of it cause too damn busy and can barely weight bear at all.   Shit this hurt :(   Not to mention now I screwed up my running and when this finally heals I have to start all over again.  Cannot even ride my bike …WTF!

So I am sitting on the pitty potty big time right now.  Came to work at 8am and it is now 8pm and I still have 4 more hours to go before I can get off of this damn leg.  Thankfully I don’t work Thursday or Friday, so it will be rest, ice and elevate for the next two days.  I don’t have a darn thing I am going to do but make some Mango Salsa and laundry, and the laundry can wait.  I just hope it is a sprain and that I did not tear anything….fuck

And it hurts…..fuck!

Ok I don’t even know where to start!   It has been a rather nasty week.  I am starting to come down with the grud that seems to have infected a lot of us here on the blogs.  Feeling rather ugly, both inside and out.  Also feeling grumpy and a tad sorry for myself.

I haven’t let it affect my running and still managed a good strong run on Weds and even upped my run time by another 10 seconds (doesn’t sound like much but multiply that by 10 cycles and I was pretty winded)  elated but winded.  I didn’t run Thurs as had to teach ACLS all day Thursday and Friday morning and then work at 8pm Friday night.  So will run Sat and Sun.  Didn’t get 4 runs in this week but did manage 3 with 4-45 min bike rides.  I am feeling really good about all that I have done regarding exercise this week. 

BUT….  now here is the OMG.    I have been feeling a bit nasty towards my DH.  As you may have noticed I am not too happy with the state of my marriage.  Instead of talking to him, I have been a bit terse.  Tonight it went past terse

He had the nerve (I took it that way) to ask me if I had enough hours in this pay period as he wanted to buy some new golf clubs!!!!!  WTF.  I asked him how come it depended on MY hours, and that the way I was raised if you wanted something you worked for it.  He came back with, “I do work, but I don’t make as much money as you do.”  No fucking kidding…OMG I saw red.. and I blew.  I told him that if he would just man up and do something with his useless life that maybe just maybe he could make some money.  Told you it was nasty :(  He looked at me like I was nuts which pissed me off even more so I let him have it with both barrels.  Told him I was sick of his always beening around, never having any time away from him, sick of his dead end useless job and how he was just basically sitting around rotting.  I told him that if I didn’t get away from him, I was going to divorce him.  I told him that I felt if I told him I was going to stop working so hard and just work part time that he would probably leave me anyway.  I told him that he was a responsibility to me, not a husband and I felt like I was a provider and that he needed me but did not love me……did I mention it was NASTY?  I told him that he need to grow a set, and stop looking at me all the time to fix things or buy things or always be the solvent one in this relationship, that I was sick of being his MOTHER.  WTF!  I told him I was unhappy, that I felt we were on a downhill slide with no way out.  I basically told him exactly how I felt and pulled no punches.

He surprised me and actually listen without getting defensive which is his usual tatic.  Then after I had my tantrum and said my piece, he got up off the couch and left….   So I got ready for work and thought, “wonder what is going to happen now?”

Well he phoned me at work about an hour ago.  He called his boss in Oahu and told him that things were going to change if he still wanted him to work for him.  He said that this is what he wants:  1.  A significant raise 2.  he will be coming to Oahu to work 3 to 4 days a week or up to 15 days per month 3. he want benefits and a pension plan 4. airfare to and from Oahu will be paid for by the company

His boss was thrilled.  He has wanted Steve to come back to work in Oahu ever since we moved here.  He used to work in Oahu with this same company, but when I got a chance at this job he moved with me. His boss did not want him to quit so they worked out a way he could work from home and not have to quit.  Orginally he was suppose to work between here and Oahu, but he always found excuses not to go, and then his boss got sick of asking.  The down side for his boss is that he doesn’t get to be away from the shop at all because Steve is not there to oversee things.  He hired Steve as a manger so that he did not have to be there all the time, that Steve would run things, which he does now from home, but that doesn’t help his boss get away from the office because someone must be there to make sure things are running smoothly and that the employees have some one there .  And the purpose of hiring Steve was so that his boss did not have to work everyday.  That is one of the reasons he has not given Steve a raise.   Steve was not meeting his needs.  Now that Steve has finally pulled his head out of his a** and realized that in order to not only save our marriage but perhaps his job, his boss is delighted.   So they are going to work out a salary, benefits etc.  That means that Steve will be in Oahu Monday, Tues and Weds and work from home Thurs and Friday.  That means I will get my needed space.  Steve will get a raise because he will be doing to job he was hired for.  Benefits I don’t care about because we get great benefits with my job.  

Now the most important things are: a) he cared enough to see how serious I was and did something b) he is finally getting off his ass and out of the house c) looks like he is finally growing a set

The only thing he asked of me is that he could join a gym while in Oahu cause he lifts Monday thru Friday and doesn’t want to stop doing that……………OF COURSE HE CAN JOIN A GYM.  More power to him, I am thrilled he is working out.

He said he realizes how hard I work, and how I am away from the house so much, and what a pain it is to have to drive 45 mins one way.  He said he has gotten lazy, never leaving the house, some days not even combing his hair or shaving.   That he has not been holding up his end of the marriage, but because I am so strong that he never feels needed, and he wants to be needed as well.  He also said that he knows in order to get a raise and be paid the way he should be for the job he is doing he has to make some sacrifices.  And if one of the sacrifices is that he has to be away from home for a couple days a week so be it.  Unfortunately with his job being on another island he cannot just commute to work, he has to fly.  But he has a chance to go places with the company IF he will just get off his ass, which according to him, he is going to start to do……  That is all I have asked of him.  He doesn’t have to make a trillion dollars, but he should get paid to do this job he was hired to do, but most importantly he should DO the job he was hired to do.  He has sat around and stagnated long enough………..we will see.

Little steps, little steps but so important……

HE LISTENED TO ME!

Today was a milestone for me.  Today I was able to wear a medium scrub instead of a large…..no more large scrubs for me!  Yay medium.

I went for another run yesterday, and just before my run I went for a nice 45 min bike ride.  I think the bike ride was a good way to warm up the leg muscles.  I feel great today, no shin splints, no muscle pain.   I did a lot of reading regarding running injuries specifically shin splints and one of the things that was suggested was to ice the shins immediately after running.  I did that and no pain.  So I don’t know if it was the ice, or if my form is getting better so I am not hurting the shins anymore.

So my DH has been acting as my coach.  He used to run a lot, but hasn’t for a long while.  He really doesn’t get off on it, he prefers lifting.  He started to lift again just after Christmas and has been faithful as can be and lifts 5 days a week.  He has not changed his diet at all, still eats junk all the time and about 5000 calories a day,  and would probably go into cardiac arrest if he ate a salad….BUT DAMN, HE IS LOSING WEIGHT!    Why is it that men can lose so easily?   Anyway, he is acting as my coach and is teaching me proper form etc.  So because of this he has to go with me when I run, and he is doing it without complaining even thou I know he isn’t really into it….well to make a long story short…..I have actually been having fun with him!  Go figure!  He and I really talk when we are out for our run, and we are both in such a good mood after the run that it is kinda nicer around here :)   I wonder if he will continue running with me even after I don’t need a coach anymore.  Part of me hopes he doesn’t cause I like to have ME time, but a part of me hopes he does as well……Gawd, no pleasing me is there?

But I am loving it and hope that he does continue to run with me for a while anyway.  I am running one day and one off for rest and recovery.  So my plan is for 4 runs a week eventually getting up to 24 miles a week or 10K per run.  Hopefully I can be there by the end of 2008.   And I think I will continue with the bike ride prior to the run and if I cannot do it prior to I will ride after as a cool down.

Who would have ever thought I could actually enjoy exercise…..maybe there is hope for me yet. 

I have no idea what that means, but it sounded nice :)  Enshrined

Well the shin splints have healed and I am up for running again tomorrow evening.  I will do the ice and Motrin again in the am when off work and then do a good bike ride before I run to loosen up the muscles, then have a run again.

Been doing a lot of reading regarding running, and I think I got shin splints for two reasons:  1.  over did it  and 2.   my form is wrong, I land on my heels and that causes an abrupt brake and put a load of stress on the legs, so I really have to work on my form.  Believe it or not running is not natural for humans

And another trick is to ice right after a run before the muscles have a chance to be sore…..

“Sweat cleanses from the inside. It comes from places a shower will never reach.”  Dr. George Sheehan

Busy weekend, OMG, I am sick of this place right now.  I really need a day off :)  And lucky me, I get Monday!  I then work Tues, off Weds and then teach ACLS on Thursday and Friday and then after I finish teaching on Friday, I work nights…..I am tired already

I am so glad Father’s Day is over.  I always find it a hard day.  First is the job of finding a card to send to my dad that will just say, “Hi have a good day”  instead of all the ones that say what a wonderful dad you are…..cause he isn’t…never has been.    I don’t know why I still buy him one, probably cause even after everything he is my dad, and I don’t want to hurt him.  Even after all the pain he has caused me…..go figure.

Diet went totally to hell in a hand basket this weekend.  I had cravings for junk food.  Ate microwave popcorn, chocolate….and even had a soda.  Blew my points right out of the water last night.  I am not suppose to have popcorn, chocolate or soda….WTF……  Lets just say that my poor gut can now put an end to the gas crisis….!!  If I had rollerblades on, I would be self propelled…..GOSH!

Now where did I put the Febreze……..

I went for another run on Thursday so made it twice in a row.  Was suppose to have a rest and recovery day inbetween runs, but because I am working 14 hour shifts on Fri, Sat and Sun I knew I would have no time for a run, so did two in a row.

I did great, but perhaps I did not cool down enough cause now I have fooken shin splints on my Right leg….ouch.  WTF!   I did read in the book I am reading about running, that they are common for beginning runners, but damn they hurt like crazy.

I am really feeling pumped about this running thing thou.  As you all know, I hate to exercise, but for some reason this running does not feel like exercise as all.  I get hot and sweaty but just love it…..so far.   I am suppose to run 4 days a week with a rest and recovery day inbetween except for the last two runs which can be run back to back days.   I am going to also do biking riding on the days I run, and then truly do rest and recovery on the days that I am suppose to.    Maybe in a couple months when my strength is up and I am running 5K a run, I will start to add free weights for some upper body strength.  DH lifts five days a week so I will see if he can start me on a light program.  But not for a while, right now I am going to consentrate on my running and building myself up that way.

I am to stay on this run pattern of 20 min a day alternating running with power walking until I am totally comfortable and feeling no exertion.  Then I increase the run time and decrease the walk time until I am comfortable with that and then I will eventually get to total run time with walk for only the warm up and cool down part.  I should get to a 5k to 10k run or 20 miles a week by the end of the summer.  That is my goal, and then I am going to do my first race…..  

Food wise I am doing okay, trying to eliminate more meat in my diet.  Especially red meat and to eat more fish.  Good thing I live on an island where fish is so abundant.   And that I like it.  :)  I noticed in my running book that runners need to up their complex carbs and flush their simple carbs and not have too much meat, so that is what I am aiming for….the complex carbs are need for the energy and really important to do a carb load before a race.  I can do that, I love pasta

Thanks for all your comments and personal notes regarding my blog from the other day.  You are all so very important to me, and special to me.  And I like soclose would miss you all so much if you were not in my life.  I love you!

First off, I have to tell all…………I did it.  I went for my first ever run.  I managed a good solid 2 miles.   I alternated power walk with running and did great.  I was hot, sweaty and pretty worn out after, but also in my glory….I DID IT!   I felt so great after, wanted to tell the whole world, but no one to tell.   I DID IT.  Talk about runner’s high

So I am going to try for 4 times a week, slowly building up to a solid 20 min run without walking.  Taking it like the book says,  slow and easy.   No injuries allowed.

I woke up this morning feeling great, no sore muscles or knees.  No shin splints…nada!  I DID IT.

Just adding an important message here for all us gals to be on the watch for:

Theft Problem IMPORTANT MESSAGE

You’ve heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves.

THIS IS NOT A HOAX. This is happening to women everywhere every night.