I am okay. I wasn’t well for a long time. I again managed to lose my confidence. Anyway I feel I am on the mend again. It took me a long time and lot of courage to come back here. I know you are there for me. I shouldn’t think about whether I deserve your love or not.
I love you all. I will catch up with you all soon.
I am doing relatively all right. For some reason my appetite has gone down. I am rejoicing it for as long as it lasts. My mom is making me eat lots of fruit though. In this heat, that’s the only thing that seems palatable. I know I typed that!!!! 
It is unthinkable, really. We are eating a lot of sapodilla, mango, pomegranate, sweet lime, watermelon, papaya, pineapple and bananas too. I am enjoying the sweetness and the juiciness.
It is nearly 30 deg Celsius over here, that too after we had a couple of thunder storms. Before that it went up to 37 deg Celsius and was awfully hot. Actually
Bangalore is relatively cooler. The plains of India are burning up. I was watching a cricket match today which was being played in the beautiful historical city of
Jaipur. The temperature there was 45 deg Celsius and the poor players had to play in that heat for about three hours. The heat there is dry which is slightly better for playing than the humid heat of Chennai (Madras) and Calcutta. Anyway there are more showers predicted till end of May which should keep Bangalore cooler.
Yesterday R’s topic came up with mom. She is much angrier than I am. She had taken the news of his marriage rather calmly. But she is bitter and angry at how R had been flaunting his marriage and how he caused me so much physical and emotional pain. Anyway the thing is that talk with her did not upset me too much. But it will change once I go back to work. R is not some one who will let me alone after what he has done. He will pretend friendship and continuously be making overtures as if nothing has changed and try to get personal information from me. I know it sounds paranoid but he is not a nice guy. But it is difficult for me to stay on guard all the time at work. Anyway I am going to face it all some how and I need to remember how toxic he is.
Nothing much is going on. I am still facing a little trouble in concentrating on work. But I am generally happier. I am watching some cricket nowadays. I have got a lot of good books from library – mostly fast read types. Reading “Mystic River” by Dennis Lehane now. I like his style of writing.
Lots of love to all of you.