song of the road

Well… first the good news. I am 69.6 kgs today. yessssss!!!! It was so good to be out of 70s again soon. Now I need to stop screwing up and keep losing. I think it helped that I skipped evening snacks yesterday. I was not feeling hungry. I have brought two apples for today and hopefully will avoid snacking on junk today as well.

Even exercise wise I did better. I managed to do 30 mins of cross trainer, 15 mins of cycling and 30 mins of treadmill. It was better than other days. I sweated quite some.. maybe that’s why the loss. I did fewer squats and partially skipped the ab workouts. However will make up for that with S tomorrow. Hope I can keep the momentum and lose some more weight soon. I have lost about 11-12 pounds in last 6 months almost. Which is good but needs to bettered.

Apart from that nothing much. Had a fight with R yesterday! That guy can never answer a straight question or an honest suggestion simply. I guess it is not that great an idea that we work at the same place and me being his team lead. Well, let me hang on for a few more months. By then, the future of this thing should get settled for once and all. Aftre my initial flare-up I was quite professionally nice rest of the day. Today I would have to sit with him for his appraisal discussion. I know it won’t go very well! He has done very well and I have said so too in the comments but he won’t notice the nice things and just fight about the unimportant things. Anyway what has to be done. has to be done.

My appraisal went okay yesterday. No fire works! but no bad comments at all. Soem quite good ones too! Hopefully I would be able to show more impressive work by end of year. Else it will stay steady good work. Hopefully!

Well, that is all for today. Everyone have a great day!

Only a quick one now…

Went to gym today. Weight again 70.3 kg. Again need to work on getting back to 69. Somehow feeling it will happen soon. But I should not have gone back to 70s again.

Anyways, workout was light today. I was sniffling. S is not fully recovered yet. He is looking far too skinny. He apparently took some alternative medicine for a small skin problem he had. Something completely unnoticeable on his face. Then this alt. med. reacted so bad, it’s like almost his whole face has got burned. It still looks awful even though it is obvious that it has mended a lot. I think that intense pain caused the fever and then that stay in the farm house in the jungle. All bad things came together.

Anyway, the good thing is he is back and hopefully will stay put for some time now. I need to exercise hard and lose a few pounds at once with one hard push. It was funny today in gym. With everybody asking S about his face. The poor guy was tired explaining the same thing over and over again. I pulled his leg about how popular he is and how all his sisters :) in the gym missed him.

Okay, that’s all for now. Will post later about how the day went.

A sunday here again. Makes me think more of tomorrow - the beginning of another work week. I have so much work pending on me, it gives me creepies. Maybe I will try to do at least one piece from home now.

Friday did not start well. I could not go to gym. I was feeling very sleepy and tired. Then I had a big bowl of noodle soup (of all things) for breakfast and started to read a smallish novel. So about 11 finished and ran to get ready for office. It is okay for us to get to office a little late, as we almost everyday stay late.

That was ethnic day at office. So mom and I got together and I wore a Sari. In one sense it was nice, because I was looking thinner than earlier and I felt good about that. But I was still feeling uneasy and uncomfortable. Anyway, just as I step in to office, there was this huge argument going on between two of my team members. I had to mediate and it made me more tired. Then we went for lunch. Had a dish of spicy rice with lentils, salad and spicy yoghurt on the side. It was good. Kept on fidgeting all the while. After we came back from lunch, started on my work. But by then I was too restless. Made a few unnecessary sarcy remarks. Talked to my manager and left for the day.

Was planning to work from home. But that didn’t materialize. Had long chats with mom that evening. That settled me down some. Also had a long chat with bro. He also is having a hard time in his new job. They are making him do something completely different from his line of work. He is doing very well in this new thing too and so they are not at all ready to move him back to his thing. But he is losing out on gaining experience for what he really wants to do. Looks like time for a new job for him. 

Had an ok dinner. Then watched ELR again. I think I had some crackers again. Can’t remember clearly now.

Saturday - I slept actually till 10:30 am. Then mom woke me as we had to go to the post office about some savings transfers that were made earlier and which had not yet processed. I didn’t feel like going but saw mom was already all ready to go. So I too got ready and took out the car. Finished a few more chores on the way back. Had a late brunch by 12. Very unhealthy brunch, I might add. Then slept once again till 3:30. Even then woke up only because R had got tickets for a movie.

R had lots of chores to run the whole day. I don’t know why he doesn’t ask his bro to do some. Well, it is between them and I really should not bother. He could make it to here only by 5 and the show was on from 6. There was quite a lot of traffic on the way and it took us long to park the car. I was feeling resentful all the way. Was critical of his relatives who again I feel are pile-ons (I am not nice), his roommate. Thankfully did not say too much, I think. I guess however much I am denying, his going home is tensing me up too. He also is very worried about it. But would not think or talk about it. which is rather the correct thing to do, I guess.

Anyway, the movie was good. Though got a little irritated of R’s predicting what’s gonna happen next. But it was ok and he was kinda sweet. We had two veggie rolls before going in for the movie. That is one more great thing about R is that he is a vegetarian too, far more strict about it than me. So if we get married, I won’t have to change my food habits yet again.

It was good for us to spend at least that much time together after quite some time. I was again feeling low on the way back, thinking what’s going to happen after his visit home. Anyway, why worry!! I would have to deal with it then and it won’t be my first time dealing with disappointments. It eats me at times, if there is anything that I should do which I am not doing! I don’t know. I don’t think there is anything I can do apart from being patient. Maybe I should be more supportive but the future of this is really scaring me. That is why I was spending less time with him, avoid thinking about him so I wont remember to be scared and wont yell at him for doing nothing (according to me). Anyway enough of that.

Yesterday dinner was again okay. Watched the last remaining DVD of ELR. Then started with M*A*S*H first season. That was sooooo good. :) Loved Alan Alda and all the rest of them. I need to go and buy more DVDs of it.

Now is Sunday morning. Planning to ctach up on some work from home. Cook a bit. Wash the car. Not eat too much junk. Let’s see how successful I would be. At least I am feeling rested. Hope S returns tomorrow. I must salvage my exercise routine.

Everyone have a great weekend and a greater week ahead.

Well… Another day ended. It is already nearly twelve. Must wrap up soon and hit the bed.

As usual woke up tired. Again managed to drag myself to gym. Today 45 mins cardio but very less otherwise. Weight also went up to 70.3 kg. Hopefully it would be ok after t.o.m.

Foodwise it has been okay today. Except I am having a cracker and a slice of cheese now.

Workwise today has been much better. Finished filling up my appraisal form and sent to boss. Finished one online training too. Need to start putting comments on my guys’ appraisals. Need to set aside some time to think, so I can provide appropriately encouraging comments. They all are good, I need to be careful that I don’t screw up their motivation and tempo. The training that I did today talked about how we should identify each person’s motivator which could be five (broadly) - recognition, responsibility, remuneration, security and status. I need to sit still and identify who’s what in my team and comment accordingly. Also made some head way in to my work at last today. Provided solution to a client with some on my feet thinking. Feeling good. Still need to get more organized and get more done.

 Love life today! Will call bro tomorrow to say hi! Just want to hear his voice. This is month end for him and he would be very busy. Hopefully I would be able to catch him on one of his relatively free moments.

Oh, did manage to go to the hospital and check out the options. It sounded good and comprehensive. Will take mom some time next week. When ran it by her, she was enthusiastic too. Though she seems to be again warming up on the topic of my marriage. That can lead to some trouble. She sounded lot mellow though. Hoping she won’t get too worked up. Miss Dad!

Well… let’s see. I went to gym today. Was very tired and struggled hard to get up by 7:15 am. So was late to gym. Did a shorter workout today. 30 mins cardio with less warm up and cooling down. Weight - 70 kg. I think it will be lower tomorrow. Let’s see. S should be back by next week. He sounded much much better yesterday. I think his strong constitution kicked in and pulled him out sooner than expected. Meanwhile I need to hang on and get myself to gym everyday at least till Friday.

Have planned to go to the hospital tomorrow. Roped in R (boy friend) to come with me. That way I wouldn’t come back with incomplete information. Based on that need to schedule the appointments for mom and me on Saturday. R is hell bent on watching some movie on Sunday. So I think I will end up going out both days this weekend, which I loathe to do. He would be going home in November to talk to his parents yet again about us. I am surprisingly not worried this time.

I did ok food wise today. No sweets, no snacks. I think blogging at night helps. Unless I am dead tired, I should do this everyday.

Oh well, that guy joined us today. He seems quite cool and nice. Hopefully he will pick up the technology soon and pick up some work load. I need to spend so much time, sorting out things for my team members, I hardly get to do my work. Things should fall in to place soon.

I think I will check out some forums today for those south beach diet recipes suggested by Ruby Jean. I will have to find out more time to spend here on 3FC. I just love it.

Good night!

Well, made it to the gym today as well. So far so good this week. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed for the rest of the week. Even yesterday nigt after dinner, I was feeling restless and started to watch an old DVD - 3rd season of “Everybody loves Raymond”. Still somehow managed to get to bed by 11:30 pm. Went to gym a bit late, but made it. I need to wake up at least an hour earlier to be on time. I am keeping that on hold till S returns. Meanwhile I need to at least go everyday.

Today went back to 70 kg but I think that is because my periods should start in a day or two. So can wait a bit before panicking. Today also could cram in 15 mins of warm up, 15 mins of abs and 45 mins of cardio. Though I am doing fewer squats (that too without weights), need to go up soon. They have misplaced my exercise card in gym too. I will let S deal with that once he is back. Talked to him and he seemed to be feeling somewhat better. sounded exasperated.

Also I need to tackle my second biggest problem of after dinner sancking. Must must stop. It is so unnecessary. I still feel it is my blood sugar medication. Need to go to the hospital sometime tomorrow or day after and check out their schedule. Must take mom and myself there this Saturday. Also have my massage appointment Saturday afternoon. Somehow need to juggle all that. At times life feels nothing but a never ending list of chores. Doesn’t look like I will get on top of it soon, either. But I am hanging on, things should be better.

I think I would check out the CBTs available on time management on our company website today. It might help. I am already feeling a little bit overwhelmed by the things I anyway need to do at work. Yes, Ruby Jean, you found me out - I am in IT. :)  Anyway, I mostly make a list of things to do and keep on doing them one by one without stopping to think which panics me. I tell myself, the most I can do is work hard for 8-10 hours a day. Whatever’s still left - well, I will try to either delegate or they will have to wait. God, I spend so much time only mailing and meeting. :)  But that’s why they pay me.

I have bought two packs of flavored tea bags yesterday. One is plain lemon which is good. The other one is an organic tea which has quite a few herbs and spices. It is really aromatic and nice. I specially love the smell of cinammon. My work drawer is smelling so nice too because of it. That’s the other thing - need to clean the pile of junk stashed there.

Well… that’s all for now. Everyone have a good day. Soclose - thank you sooo much for the lovely book recommendations. I am jotting them down for my next visit to the library. That reminds me - Ruby Jean, have you read Amy Tan? I think you will love her.

This needs to be a quick post now. Have tons of work to go back to. The week has started on a good, bad and funny note.

Good - Went to gym today. Worked out for around 1.5 hours which had 1 hour cardio, 15 mins warm up and cooling and about 15 mins of abs. Felt good. Weight 69.78 kg. Not good. but not so bad either. Though I should try to step up on my rate of weight loss. But maybe losing slowly will make my maintenance phase easier.

Bad - S is violently sick. He went to stay in a farmhouse in the middle of a jungle. Just as guys generally are, I think they did not have enough mosquito repellents on them when they went around. Result - he is down with severe fever. Doctor is observing him. They are not yet sure what is wrong. Hope they will do the blood tests today. I am quite worried. His small home town is not the best place for medical care. He sounded very weak and poor guy became dizzy just after a few minutes chat with me. Now I am not even worried about my exercise routine. Hope he just gets well soon. Might call him sometime again tonight.

Funny - A new guy was supposed to join my team here today. He came down, but won’t join today because apparently today’s day is not auspicious enough for him. Okay, I guess it is not funny when he is so serious about it. Though my boss feels he might holding out waiting for an offer from another company. Let’s see how this goes.

Well, that’s all for now. Hope everyone has a good day!

Feeling so very sleepy. Did the stupid job of cleaning up my mails from some email ids which I don’t check so regularly. Had to go through some 400 old emails. My head is truly spinning. Just don’t have the energy to write anything now.

Had a sort of an ok week. Though very bad exercise wise and not so great food wise either. Let’s see how much I weigh tomorrow. Good chance that I might be back into 70s again. Hope that won’t happen. Though whatever is logical will happen.

Took mom out to the festival yesterday. So this is a year after I guess at least 15 years that I actually bothered to visit the festival grounds all three days! I used to go with enthu only till I was 13 or 14, I guess. Remember the girl in new clothes, skipping around with her friends and holding her kid brother’s hand very tight. She was a happy kid, not that she thought so. :)

Well…. Need to get on with the food and exercise plan. I am indulging myself a bit too much. Can’t stop that altogether though. But I must try to be home at reasonable hours all days this week. Ok at least 3-4 days. I cannot let my exercise routine suffer any more.

Well.. I am at the beginning of another day, yet again.

Start with bad news. I got again very late coming back from office. I was almost on schedule, when an overseas client sent a mail. Poor lady going out of town on business and wanted me to call her so we could work on her request yesterday. It took me a while to get her on phone and by the time I was done, it was quarter to ten. It was raining hard and it look me a while to come home negotiating the traffic build-ups.

Then I called up bro, as I haven’t talked to him for quite long. He had much to share and I had many questions to ask. Half hour flew away. Then food, then book. I went to bed at 1 am. And missed gym again today! I have to pull myself by my ears. This is not on! I just have to be bed by 11, at any cost. It’s just that the long days at work wears me out, I just can’t stop indulging myself by opening a book.

But now is the time when I have to get my health back. I need to lose weight, control my blood sugar, must be able to cope with stress. I can read later. I have already read quite some. I can read on the weekends. The weekdays I need to spend my energy on working out and working. So many people never read, why can’t I not read during the week.

This is my problem. I indulge myself too much. If I feel like eating, I eat. I feel like reading, I read. Even my work at office gets affected so much by my mood. They say “a professional does a good job even when she doesn’t feel like it”. I can hardly ever do a good job, when I am not feeling like it. Fortunately I like my work and my co-workers most of the time. But the world is not going to be all lovey-dovey, harmonious all the time. I am old, I should have learned to cope by now.

Anyway, gym is closed tomorrow for the festival. and Sunday is my off day. So I must be back to gym on Monday. I hope S would be back on Monday. S, please come back. I need your smiling face in my horizon now. It’s amazing. How I grew to depend so much on you! I love my other friends too, but somehow you make my day brighter than most. I just hope this is not another disaster waiting to happen. But anyway, come back. I miss you awfully.

I wish my bro was home now. He is that one person who can cheer me up no matter what! I guess he knows me too well. While ending his call yesterday, he asked not to start on a book. He offered to call up and check on that again. He knew exactly what I was going to do. I miss him. His wicked laugh. His hearty laugh. The long talks. His taking my side always. Sometimes pointing out my faults too. But how I miss his clear headed thinking and just deciding on a plan to attack any problem. Almost instantly he can make every problem look solvable and make me feel hopeful again.

Well, he would be home for a few days on November. We will have a good time then. I will store up on him then. Hope I can be as good to him as he is to me. I love him lots. And in different and scatter brained ways, I am a support for him too. I am, I know.

Just feel like doing this now.

I am happy because

1. I have a good job which I kind of love. I don’t feel bad going to work.
2. My boss is a nice guy and he seems to be ok with my work.
3. I have nice co-workers, some of them very good friends.
4. My work gives me financial stability though I need to save more.
5. I have a boyfriend who may not be able to marry me but seem to love me and generally is there for me. (I do not appreciate him enough. I need to work on that)
6. I have a super cool personal trainer who I like very much indeed and have a very good rapport going on. (I think so).
7. My mom seems to be peaceful about me nowadays and not so worried all the time.
8. I can look after her and can make her happy with such small things (Oh! I got her those books yesterday).
9. I have my love for books which should keep me happy forever in all kind of difficult situations
10. I can simply make up things and dream about them and forget reality most of the time. (good thing??)
11. I can cook reasonably well.
12. Ouch! Now I remember my brother! So bad of me! Anyway so I have the best bro in the world who I know is always there for me and is super fun.
13. I think I am good at my job
14. I lost 5 kg weight and most likely will lose more.
15. I have my love for all kind of unrelated knowledge and fun to be found on internet.
16. I can simply keep on reading about recipes.
17. I am feeling much healthier these days. Have lots more energy.
18. Exercising makes me confident and less depressed.

Well… time to hit work! I am feeling much better. I am sure the list can be longer. I will perhaps add to it later. Make another list of the small things that make me happy like the big open terrace in front of my apartment!

Everybody have a great day! Ruby Jean, you are amazing. Thanks for all your support. I wish I had known you in person. I think you are like another multi-talented person I love lots. Well, that’s another day to talk about.

I need to figure out what should be my headings. I go back from work so late and need to get up early for the gym, that I hardly hardly ever get to blog in the night. I can then think and write peacefully. I don’t know how my day is - so early on the day.

Anyway, went to gym today. Did an hour of cardio. 15 mins of cycling, 15 mins of cross trainer and then 30 mins of treadmill. also some warmups and abs. S is not back yet. So boring without him. But I must behave like a grownup and do my workouts without needing supervision. But S is so much fun. Though the poor guy often gets exasperated with me.

Whenever S goes home, it is like this. I think he just doesn’t want to come back. He doesn’t like it so much here. It reminds me of when I left home for the first time for school - I was about 16. I actually used to cry to sleep every night. That was so bad. After a whole year of crying, sickness, bad grades, my parents put my bro to school in the same city and 3 of us stayed together. Poor dad had to live alone for quite a few years. It’s awesome what our parents gave up time and again and again for us.

 Later again when I left home for work, it was much better.  I was nervous with my history of homesickness. But I kept on getting awesome roomies and made best friends and been happy over all. Once when I was living alone, I watched one scary ghost movie. I was very scared for a month or two. I kept feeling someone is watching me. And I would have those lurid dreams which would be 10 times scarier than the movie.

Oh ok! back to my day again. Yesterday left work early and could reach home by 7:30 pm. Talked a bit with mom. Then read my Sarah Paretsky once more. Though I was a good girl and went to bed by 10:30 pm. Still was late getting up and reached gym by 7:30 am. Once S is back, this won’t work. Need to find out some way to hit the sack relatively early.

 69.6 kg today. Not so bad after two days of bunking gym. Yesterday was better food-wise. I was not so hungry. Hope that happens today too. :)  My brekkie and lunch generally go well. I start slipping during the evening snacks. Again generally a good dinner. But often when I am back from work dog tired, it’s as if nothing can fill me up - I feel so hungry. It’s a crazy life!