I feel better ^_^ Its very odd, i went to the doctor, who  was very nice and said it was probably a viral infection but he could give me antibiotics if i wanted. So i took them. Im not medicine-phobic, i’m not really scared of taking too many medications. I understand the risks, i dont mix things i shouldnt, i always finish my courses of antibiotics, but i’m not someone who thinks that they would rather let nature take its course and battle it out myself. Life’s too short. And what a slap in the face of medical research ;) Even knowing its probably viral, the antibiotics have helped. Could be for a variety of reasons i hypothesize- placebo effect (did you know that all drug effects are something like 40% placebo? very cool), i had bacteria that were hijacking my virus-weakened system, or it actually is bacterial. Who cares, it works.

Its kinda odd though, i feel hungry but i should have had enough. And my stomach feels empty but isnt growling. Maybe its low blood sugar or something. Or maybe i have just not been eating enough these past few days and now its paying me back. I tried to eat enough, but my intake dropped pretty significantly. Hey it was excrutiating to swallow, and i felt sick to my stomach, nothing appealled. I tried drinking milk instead of water, eating whatever appealled regardless of calorie content, just to get some kind of nutrition and energy in me. When i checked on friday, i had lost 1.5kg (3.3 pounds) in 5 days. Some people might think thats great, but given that i was sleeping all day literally and that i usually aim to lose 500g (1.1 pounds) a week, 1.5kg in 5 days is a little alarming.

Secretly though, there is a part of me that is pleased. I did nothing again and lost weight. Sure i had 800 calories on average per day, but i lost weight. And i’m horrified that i would think that. Thats not healthy, and i shouldnt be pleased at this boost towards my half way point. But i am. And i know that after my weigh in tomorrow i will report my loss (touch wood) with pleasure. It’s shocking that i think like that. That part of me says, sure it was unhealthy, but if we maintain that loss in a healthy way, then it doesnt matter right? We’re taking vitamins, we’re eating now, nutritional loss in minimised, weight loss maximised. I need to keep this part of me in check.

Surprising what you learn about yourself hmm?