Butterflies and Rainbows

I am really struggling to get my head straight and back on-plan. I really don’t know what is wrong with me and I’m incredibly frustrated with myself. Last night, I lay in bed thinking about this for a long time and I’ve realized some things. I have been re-committing to this journey every morning, but I havent been dealing with the internal reasons why I let myself get so out-of-shape and heavy. I’ve been stuffing those feelings back down and ignoring them. But, now, they’ve raised their ugly heads and won’t go away! What are my internal feelings and reasons? I’m not really sure. I know that I am extremely frustrated with my body. I finally got myself committed to exercising and was so very hopeful of becoming the strong healthy person I’ve dreamed of for so long. Now, my stupid knees have decided to give me problems when they never really bothered me much before I began working out. I catch myself doubting that I can really do this..that I will ever have the strength to actually get under 200 pounds. I start to panic at the thought of having to exercise and watch my eating for the rest of my life. I catch myself wondering,”what is the point? You’re not young anymore and you missed your chance to be sexy.” I really need to stop this roller coaster and get down to the business of great health and feeling good about myself. So, I went out and bought one of the study books from the First Place program and I will begin this study today. For those of you who are familiar with this program, First Place is a faith based weight loss program. Hopefully, I can get a handle on this weight loss thing and reach my goals. I’m not quitting until I figure this out for once and all!

Yep, I’m on another honeymoon phase of my diet/weight loss journey and I’m loving every minute of it. Everything just seems to be coming together nicely.  Today is day 8 of being 100% on-plan.  I can’t remember the last time I stayed consistently on-plan for so long….maybe never.  I worked out for 6 days last week and I’m really seeing a big improvement in my stamina.  As an added bonus, I’m now wearing my smaller shirts and can almost wear my size 24 incentive jeans….granted, I can’t breath in them and I would probably cause permanent nerve damage if I wore them now…but, I can actually pull them up over my generous hips and button them over my equally generous belly!  Seeing the changes in my body really gives me the incentive to keep going.

I wish I fully understood how I ended up at this honeymoon stage again.  If I could figure that out, I’d be able to sail smoothly into my goal weight with no trouble.  I think it might have something to do with realizing that this year was  passing quickly and I hadn’t made as much progress as I expected.  I started off with a bang, then I hit a rough patch that lasted for way too long.  I have just under 3 months to really make a big difference, so I’m giving it 100%.  Also, joining the Biggest Loser challenge helps to keep me motivated.  And, I have that business trip and J’s field trip both in November.  I have to buy new clothes and I want to buy smaller sizes.