The Last Straw

What a great morning! It was misting and about 59 degrees when I left for my run. So I put on a hoodie over my tank top and hoped it would not progress towards an all out downpour before I got done. I guess the rain scared everyone else off because I had the track to myself and it was so nice and quiet and misty and foggy. Loved it. There was a cute little red eft on the track, so I slowed down to point it out to my son who was playing nearby and then slowed down again to request that my son please be careful not to kill said red eft. I love reptiles and amphibians, so I would have liked to have sat and watched it for a while but I had running to do. But anyway, I still finished in 35:39 so my time from the other day must have been right. And I LOVE MY LAP COUNTER. That was so freeing. I was able to forget about what lap I was on for the whole second mile. Just pushing the little button as I finished each lap. Nice. Definitely worth the ten bucks and probably better than dealing with the electronic version I thought about getting. My lap counter looks like this, but I got it at Target.  I can see this as really helping me let go of all of the mental math that I do when I run and just RUN. That is the next thing I need to work on. That inner five year old again with the “how much fuuuurrrther???”. When I do let go of that, I enjoy the running so much more.

I must fess up to a binge last night. Can you believe it? I came home from that running meeting and ended up stuffing my face!! What on earth?! I am not really sure what brought it on. I think that I just really wanted to feel full for a change.  I don’t know. It was stupid though. The good thing is that it doesn’t happen often and I know that. So I don’t beat myself up too bad about it. I usually just know that I need to follow it up with a couple of really good days to make up for it. So today and tomorrow I am on probation. 

My information from the 5k training thing says that we should have a “water bottle pack”. Is this something that looks like a fanny pack? I guess I will have to get a smaller waterbottle then because my big ol hunking nalgene bottle is so not fanny-packable.

Breakfast and lunch are the norm, fruit of the day: nectarine. Not sure what we are having for dinner yet.

***The pic of the eft above is from www.wingwatchers.com  It must totally rock to parade around in their little salamander world being that bright orange color. Then they get older and change color and become not so eye-catching sort of like humans I guess except for the color changing part.

Well, this evening is the informational meeting for the 5k training thingie. Oh. My. Gosh.  I guess I am going to go. I am so friggin noncommittal, so as mild and not-intimidating as it may seem…I am still in a panic. What if I don’t like the people, what if nobody talks to me, what if I wear the wrong thing or do the wrong thing or say the wrong thing? What if this sucks and I don’t want to do it AFTER I paid my $75?

Have you ever googled someone’s name and race results and times come up? It happens. So my nightmare is that I will be all whack hormonal and totally suck and then my name will be out there for everyone to see.  8-O  But my fantasy is that I run and actually get a decent time and people who knew me a long time ago google my name and my race time comes up and they are all “wow I didn’t know she was a runner, her life must be really cool and exciting” and all. Then I remember that none of them would know my married name.  :roll:  But I guess that takes care of scenario A at least.

Breakfast and lunch, normal. Fruit of the day: mango, porcupined (this is the coolest way to cut a mango and probably part of the reason that I am so addicted to them, because, well…I am a child). Dinner was fish tacos with some 99% fat free refried black beans and some hominy. Bought the hominy from the international foods aisle and I am really thinking it is FAR less salty. Yeah!

Calories came in at probably 1,600 if I am being realistic. It was dreary and rainy and cool and the PERFECT day to cook a little extra. I used a cooking light recipe for Pumpkin Streusel Bread.  I figured that it would be as healthy as like a nutri-grain bar or something similar in the kids’ lunches, so this is my healthier lunches experiment for Thursday and Friday’s lunches. Although it does have sugar and all, so maybe not. I don’t know. At least the house smells yummy, which nutrigrains don’t do obviously. I made a couple little changes to the recipe: less ground cloves, 1/4 brown sugar instead of 1/2 cup of honey because I didn’t have that much honey and my children had consumed all of our raisins, so I used  dried cherries instead. I used a peanut/pecan mix for the topping. It was yummy. Loved the cherries. Loved the peanuts in the topping. May tweek this recipe a bit next time by trying some whole wheat flour or maybe adding some wheat germ or something to give it a little nutritional boost.

***Edited to add: What the heck? Are smilies on strike today or what?  What, unfair working conditions? Child labor? Unpaid overtime? What is it, smilies?

And I am back. I was so nervous on the way down there. Until I started visualizing all of my 3FC peeps in the van with me. Couldn’t help but smile at the thought of that! I imagined tiny2b to be telling me that if she can do boot camp, I can suck it up and run. And Eryn telling me that if she can workout in the gym at some ungodly hour while I am still cozy in bed, I can do this. And after I got about 5 miles down the road I was thinking about how a couple of chickies on here RUN THAT FAR! Then I thought about Stayin’ Alive and grabthebull’s comment about Gibb chest hair and bigprof doin’ the hustle on the treadmill. And before I knew it, I was there. So I walked into the  meeting and pretended to be all cool about stuff.   Probably about 50 people there. 49 women and one old man.  We will be dividing into three groups: those who plan to walk, those who want beginning running intervals (like the first week of C25k) and those who want to run. There were a couple of fru fru women, but mainly it was a great group and I was surprised to find that it really had the same feeling that 3FC blogs have. I guess because we were all there because we all really want to lead a more active life.  I met one person who has been using C25k. We chatted a bit about that and Robert Ullrey’s techno podcasts and stuff like that. I think she will be in the running group.

So anyway, sometimes on Wednesday nights we will have “seminars” about nutrition and avoiding injury and I have totally already said this, haven’t I? Back when I first mentioned this thing. I am my mother’s daughter.   Are smilies still on strike? Let’s see.  :roll:  We will meet on Saturday mornings for our runs, starting in September. During the week we are on our own with a schedule of what we should be doing and a log for our runs and cross training days.

Wow. I am not sure this is very coherant. I feel really spacy and sort of weird because oh my gosh I just signed myself up to run every week for three months with a bunch of strangers AND paid 75 bucks to do so. So for bigprof’s old me/new me thing…this would totally be it. The old me would have rather shot my big toe off than do this. The new me is feeling like this is actually pretty exciting.  

Oh! Oh! I picked my diet/exercise theme song today! And…AND for some guys with feathered hair and really  tight pants… THE VIDEO!! I could be folding laundry right now or packing lunches or any of a variety of productive motherly types of things, but that is just not my M.O. Instead I sit here fixing lyrics to this song. I have put my version below.

Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk,
I’m gonna run, no time to talk
Music loud and sun is warm, I’m gonna run now
and then run some more.
And now its all right. its ok.
You can just look the other way.
You just might not understand
Some one please get me a fan!

Whether you’re a brother or whether you’re a mother,
You’re stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive.
Knees are achin’ and everythings shakin‘,
But I’m stayin alive, stayin’ alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin’ alive.

Well now, I get low and I get high,
And if I cant get either, I really try.
Got high tech socks and runnin’ shoes.
I’m runnin’, man, BUT I still cant lose.
You know its all right. its ok.
I’ll lose a pound another day.
You might just not understand
SOME ONE PLEASE GET ME A FAN!

Whether you’re a brother or whether you’re a mother,
You’re stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive.
Knees are achin’ and everything is shakin‘,
But I’m stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin’ alive.

I’m gettin’ nowhere. somebody help me.
Somebody help me, yeah.
I’m gettin’ nowhere.
Somebody help me, yeah. Stayin’ alive.

Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk,
I’m running, man, no time to talk.
Music loud and the sun is warm,
I ‘m dietin’ now and forevermore.
And now its all right. its ok.
And you may look the other way.
You just might not understand
Anybody hear me? I need a fan!

Whether your’e a brother or whether you’re a mother,
You’re stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive.
Knees are achin’ and everything is shakin‘,
But I’m stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin’ alive.

I’m gettin’ nowhere. somebody help me.
Somebody help me, yeah.
I’m gettin’ nowhere. somebody help me, yeah.
I’m stayin’ alive.

The rain held off and I was able to get my run (3.1 miles) in this morning. I wanted to see if I could improve my time. I knew it would improve a little since I was really trying, but I ended up with 35:24 and I really question that. I am wondering if I counted my laps wrong and ran one less lap than I thought. Frustrating. I need a lap counter. But I don’t want something complicated. I use my mp3 player to time my running and it is a very simple and straightforward way without a million buttons to push. I want something VERY basic. Like one little button to push.  I am considering this type of counter that you wear like a ring. This is how it describes it: “Now you are able to eschew the terror of forgetting if you are on lap 17 or lap 19 because you were thinking about cookies.” Hee Hee. 

So anyway, the run. It was good. My legs were the wimps today and I had to push through some of the laps. My brain was super determined though and my breathing was decent. And no excessive thirst, maybe because it was a cool 72 degrees with a few rain drops and cloudy skies. The Wall was there, but I find that if they know I am staying to the left they will actually move over slightly. The “track” is not like a real one with lanes and all. It is just a paved path around a soccer field and it is not very wide.

Breakfast was normal. Lunch will be too. Just can’t decide what the fruit of the day will be. I have strawberries, pineapple, papaya and a mango in there that need to be used soon. Maybe I will pretend I am back in costa rica and have a cup of mixed pineapple, papaya and mango. I seriously need a job because I seriously need to get back to costa rica. Ahh. yeah. So anyway, dinner will be the mahimahi again because there was one piece leftover. Hubby is serving meals at the mission tonight and won’t be home. And I will just have to figure out something for the kids to have.

Somebody tell me that muscles retain fluids after weightlifting. Please? Because I have been good this week and the scale is not being nice to me in return. It is quite a bully, actually. So I am working on my water intake again. When I have busy days, I often don’t get enough water. And I don’t think I knew that not getting enough water can mess with your metabolism. I always knew it made you retain fluid and therefore impact your weight, but I don’t think I realized that not getting enough water could slow down your metabolism! Yikes!

***Just got back from running some errands. While I was out, I checked a couple places for a lap counter. Found an old school silver non-electronic kind that reminds me of my junior high PE teacher. But other than the PE teacher part, I like it. And it was only $10. I will have to hold it, unlike the digital one that is like a ring. But at least there are no batteries to worry about.

Well, I really tried this evening to have some sort of rhyme and reason to my weight lifting. Got my little book out that I bought forever ago and I followed some of the exercises in there. One was “21’s” which I liked. Instead of a bicep curl up all the way up, you raise it half for 7 reps, then from halfway to shoulder for 7 reps then do 7 reps of lifting the weight all the way. It kept it from getting too boring. So I liked those. Right now, my arms are crazy fatigued. But since I started this, my arms have felt like I worked them, but nothing other than my pecs that one day has actually hurt. I am hoping to feel the pain tomorrow. Tomorrow. That tends to be the key word with this weight lifting thing. Starting to sound like Annie. 

I have made a fascinating discovery. Apparently I do not indeed have some rare genetic disorder where I was born without abdominal muscles. They are in there afterall. They have been in a deep slumber for 36 years and for the past 15 they have been cozy under layers of blubber, but they are there. And I have found a sit-up/crunch that seems to really isolate my lower ab area, which is a serious problem area for me. So I did 50 of those and 50 trying to work mainly on the upper ab area. I question whether I will EVER stick to those exercises long enough to tone up the gut any but I just have to take it a day at a time. I am not really feeling the love so far.

Breakfast and lunch, normal. Dinner was that mahimahi with tropical salsa that I mentioned a while back. Oh how I love that stuff. Had steamed carrots with a touch of honey and a salad. The calorie total for today was about 1,200. I am hungry right now, but mainly just trying to keep the calories where they are and getting in another big glass of water before bed. No progress on the scale for a few days.

Haven’t run since Friday.  8-O  I am hoping for a good run tomorrow (see, there it is again…tomorrow, tomorrow I love you, tomorrow…you’re only a day away).

This is what I just did. School starts tomorrow and therefore it is time to figure out snacks for the kids. So in an effort to minimize the ingredients in their food, I bought the big hunk of cheese at Sam’s and cut it up in lieu of those little packaged cheese and crackers thingies that have numerous unpronouncable words in the ingredient list. I am trying this year. Trying. Right now, we have no gummy fruit hickiemajiggers of any kind. We have no nutritious-named but highly processed fruit bars. We have no pre-packaged anythings. We’ll see if I can keep it up. I just wish that my cholesterol would allow ME to take park in this glorious mountain of cheese. 

Breakfast and lunch were normal. Dinner was vegetable sandwiches and refried beans. I am really liking the refried beans and the brand I get is 99% fat free, but I still need to start making them myself so that I can decrease the sodium. I have done zero exercise today. Being sunday, I didn’t have time to go run this morning. Yesterday was weights, but I think I can do that again today. Nothin’s hurtin’. Apparently I didn’t work hard enough. No surprise there. I knew I didn’t do as many sets as I should have.

Ok. I guess my time is not bad. I don’t know. It just felt really, really slow. And then of course Ludmilla Drago showed up and burnt up the track, putting me to shame. Seriously, she was like a gazelle. Of course, my dear mom who is not usually very complimentary said “but she has probably been running for a long time, though”. Ahh. I love my mommy.

I am still thinking about the 5k training. My fear is that I am SO inconsistent. We all know how I am. I can do well for a while and then totally suck and barely talk myself into walking, not to mention running. These are issues I need to work through, but I don’t know how. I am still trying to figure out how my body houses two totally different people: one who wants to run with every cell of her being and one who could not give a **it. Just last week, I was saying I didn’t know when I would ever shoot for the three miles. And I didn’t say this on my blog, but I really questioned whether I even WANT to run in a 5k. I started feeling like it is not for me and that I don’t care. I don’t know what kind of whack Sybil-brained thing I have going on, but I wish I was more consistent. I don’t like the feeling of the days when I don’t want to run. They scare me because I don’t want to go back to the person I was before.

I was reading bigprof’s most recent post and I am still thinking through the “back in the day” thing. And  I so very much need this place too. I honestly don’t know what I would do without it. Hubby is supportive and I do tell him when I run further or faster or whatever. But it is not like telling you guys. Hubby has not set fitness goals, does not exercise and while he might be proud of me, he can’t relate to it.

Today is a weights day. I will do that this evening probably, even though I just said the other day that I should get it done earlier in the day. Oh well.

Food for today: same ol’ same ol’. I did switch up the fruit. Had some pieces of an orange and some sliced banana. The kids all have a birthday party to go to this evening. I am trying to think of something nice for hubby and I to have (in other words, something we would cook when we don’t have to cook for 6 people).

***Had mahimahi for dinner. Hubby had a steak. Grilled some gold new potatoes with rosemary and sea salt. Had a prepackaged portabella mushroom that was topped with garlic and herbs. Grilled that, but was disappointed. The topping junk was nasty. Then went to pick the kids up at the party and partook of  the Filipino food. So probably no calorie deficit for the day. But probably not enough to actually gain anything either. My work out was late. After 9pm. See, the heat motivates me to get my running done early. But I don’t have any reason to get downstairs and get the weight lifting done early. School starts monday, maybe I can lift weights while my youngest is napping. Ahhh. Sounds relaxing. Of course, as does napping while my son is napping.

Well, I did it. I ran (well, jogged very slowly) 3.1 miles. My first attempt at 5k. And it took a whopping 38:30. But I knew it would. I had started out slow and kept it slow to avoid the things that normally keep me from wanting to go for the third mile (fast breathing and dry mouth). It was actually a nice, relaxing jog and at that slow pace I think I may have been able to go a little further.

And now a report from my inner five year old: one lady was not running as much as me and I was all cocky. Oh yeah, I’m running three miles. Check me out. Woo hoo. Then as I finished and was sitting at the playground letting the kids play, someone with the stature of a 1980’s Brigitte Nielsen stepped out of an SUV. And she hit the track running. Running fast. And she ran and ran and ran like a real runner with long strides. Wow. Goodbye my short lived little ego-fest, it was fun knowing you.

***Food has been good today. Normal breakfast and lunch. Dinner was spice rubbed pork with brussels sprouts and salad. Added cottage cheese (1/2 c ff) and 1/4 sunflower seeds to pump up the calories a bit. Calories for today are at 1,322. Still feel hungry. About to go outside so the kids can swim. So at least I can get out of the kitchen and avoid eating more until this passes, hopefully.

Last night, I didn’t go to bed until midnight. Then my daughter came in to sleep in my bed (they love to do that when hubby is away). Then the other daughter go up and went to the bathroom and forgot to turn off the light. So I ended up with very little sleep. Very little. Then this evening I had to get everyone’s stuff settled into their classrooms and the school was hot and crowded of course. Then I had to go to kindergarten orientation even though this is my THIRD year having a kindergartener. That lasted for an hour, the entire time standing…listening to things that I already know. I didn’t even bother to try to fill out the three million papers required for the beginning of the school year. I am not sure I can even remember which ones of my kids are in what grades at this moment. Serious sleep deprivation.

I purposefully planned to put off the weights until this evening. I don’t like to have to deal with the kids while I am lifting weights because they all want to lift and somebody is going to end up getting hurt. Plus, I thought if I had my exercising to do this evening, I wouldn’t have to worry about the witching hour. You know, the time at night when you could easily destroy your ENTIRE DAY OF EATING RIGHT. Yeah, that hour. And this turned out to be the case. I have avoided the witching hour. But the workout was meh. I am having a hard time lifting my arms right now, but I think that is not totally from the lifting. Part of it is from the fact that I am just wiped out and therefore the little bit of lifting that I accomplished has made me feel really fatigued. My goal is just for something to be hurtin’ tomorrow. My money is on my triceps. I couldn’t do some lifts because my pecs I guess they are called, they are still sore from Tuesday and they are not wanting to cooperate. But I could feel my triceps working hard.

Breakfast and lunch were normal. Then for dinner, we needed something quick because of “meet the teacher night” at school. So we had turkey sausage patties on everything bagels with an egg white cooked with peppers and onions. This was a very filling, big sandwich. But I sat there waiting on the kids to get done, seriously contemplating the half of a sandwich that was left over (in addition to the whole one I had eaten). I was full. I didn’t need it. I had fitdayed my calories and knew that I was done for the day. But I just kept on thinking about eating that. I stopped myself, but it still bugs me that I STILL get stupid and want to overeat like that sometimes. And now it is almost 11:00 and I feel hungry and I would be tempted to eat, but I honestly feel too tired to chew.

So, once the oldest three are in school next week I will be lifting the weights earlier in the day. I will only have one child to nag to leave the weights alone at that point. This really is not a good schedule. I run early on running days and lift weights late. So that means that all of my exercise ends up crammed into less than 12 hours, then I end up doing nothing for like 35 hours. So ideally, all exercise will take place in the mornings by next week.

Off to bed before I end up doing a face plant on the keyboard. So so so tired.

I am in healthy weight range on the BMI chart now. My weight was 154.8 this morning. That puts me just barely, BARELY into a healthy BMI with 24.9 since 25 is considered in healthy range. I know I am not done yet though. With this blubber around my waist, I have at least ten more pounds to go if not 15. But whatever. This was a nice little treat this morning.

My muscles are not hurting yet. ***Ok, I take that back. My muscles are getting sore now. So I guess tomorrow I will just repeat what I did yesterday.

I had to do some SERIOUS self talk to stay out of the ’seeds last night. Sheesh. I was preoccupied by sunflower seeds ALL EVENING. I caught myself hearing myself say “how about just a bite, just one handful…JUST ONE ‘SEED?”. Geez. Fortunately I was able to fight it off. My calories had been low, so I had the half of a piece of grilled chicken that was in the fridge for a snack. I did not NEED to add more food after that. Sometimes I feel like I am being chased by a little army of sunflower seeds. 

***Just got back from the track. Walked .4, ran 2 miles (23:30), then .6 walking to finish up. Not sure when I will ever be compelled to shoot for that third mile running. Oh well. RIght now I am feeling tired and hungry and as mentioned, my muscles are getting sore. It’s a good feeling. Although I am thinking about tiny2b and her running and boot camp and I am feeling like a wimp.

I took a look at my calories and decided to try this recipe for chocolate mousse that was in Prevention magazine this month. I haven’t had dessert, other than some mango italian ice for like ever. So anyway, it is silken tofu, vanilla and almond extracts, melted chocolate chips and greek style yogurt. So while we were out today, I picked up the stuff for that and hopefully what will turn out to be a good book, and two magazines about heart healthy cooking. So I came home and made dinner and whipped up this mousse stuff. And it is ok. I just have gone so long without rich chocolately stuff that it was WAY too rich and WAY too chocolately. I wasn’t wild about the saturated fat content (due to the chocolate, of course). So I didn’t even finish my serving of it. But for what it was, I am sure it was probably a good recipe. The kids loved it.