The Last Straw

I am really hungry and it is late and it is not mealtime, so I am not going to eat. It is finally sinking in that I am getting relatively close to a good weight and I really want it bad right now. I have flab issues to contend with, but I just feel content with my progress even though I realize that I will NEVER have a belly that can be shown. Too much extra skin and stretchmarks. It is really honestly just plain U-G-L-Y. Oh yeah, periwinkle, is this what you mean by expressing myself easily? Yeah. I guess so….seeing as how we all now know what my stomach looks like - yikes!! 

I am heading home tomorrow. Right now, I am planning on being there for at least a week. It will be nice to get back home, but yet saying that makes me feel so guilty. I don’t want to leave my mom. But yet I know I can’t stay here forever. Wow. My thoughts are all over the place this evening. 

There are some random things I have been thinking about. 

1. I really liked running on that country road the other day. Partially because of the view, but mainly because I needed the break from running in circles at the track. The track works well for me because that way my kids don’t have to try to keep up and I don’t have to listen to them whine. But yet, I loved the chance to run somewhere else and I wish I could do that more often.
2. Eryn - Argh!  Your talk of girls’ weekends…I am so jealous of your life right now. I am finally getting out from under this stupid fat and I want to feel young and HAVE FUN!! 
3. I need to get back to daily exercise because I want to do my best to keep my cholesterol low (I am amidst a break from taking lipitor right now, sort of an experiment to see what happens). 
4. I have decided that I most likely do not want a treadmill because I enjoy running outside so much. A new elliptical would be great some day, but it will have to wait a long time most likely. Still no funds for that.
5. Stupid stuff: I went in the grocery store here in my hometown AND washed my van in mom’s driveway. The reason this is a big deal to me is that I used to stay in hiding while I was here. It is stupid, I know. I just couldn’t stand the idea of people who I was not friends with having WAY too much fun seeing me with the fat. Ugh. Now I don’t have so much to worry about. I am bigger than I was back then, but I am not shockingly bigger like I was at my peak weight.

Enough rambling. Hope to weigh tomorrow when I get home or maybe Friday morning (since I normally weigh in the a.m.). I hope I have done enough to get that ticker moving.