The Last Straw

I am feeling so domestic and all family-ish this weekend. I really hope that this little break leaves me good and motivated for my run on Monday morning. Anyway, I made banana pancakes with a banana nut topping this morning for the fam.  Then we went out and bought a few things so that I can start on the kids’ halloween costumes. Having four kids, I love to have them all dress up in the same theme. So one year they were the big bad wolf and the three little pigs. One year they were the cast of scooby doo (shaggy, scooby, velma, and daphne). Last year, they were the peanut butter and jelly sandwich (two were bread, one peanut butter and one jelly). The three youngest are all the same size right now because my 7 year old is the size of a 5 year old. So being the same size and having a tall lanky sister, I thought it would be cute if they would be Oompa Loompas and the oldest will be Willy Wonka. So I went all tiny2b and got out my sewing machine and got to work on the Willy Wonka costume. Then I ordered some green wigs and stuff for the Oompa Loompas. So it has been a nice relaxing weekend. If I was in the middle of a good book and it would have rained more today, it would have been just about perfect.

The belly fat thing…what I found online was this “When lying down, menopot fat will fall to the side while visceral fat will stay raised”. Menopot fat is apparently the “pinch an inch” fat that is in front of the abdominal muscles. The visceral stuff is what they say is bad for heart health. 

So far, I have thought about food a lot but I am staying on track with my calories. I am slacking off right now on exercise. I have none planned for today, although I know I should try. I won’t be able to run tomorrow morning. I do plan on starting Monday with running every other day. I am pretty sure that I will never go back to running every day. I have to be able to recognize what keeps me happy and what doesn’t. Running 5k every day does not. Every other day, it is more fun and more relaxing. Every day, it is like a chore. I do need to get in some elliptical time or something today and tomorrow and some strength exercises. But I dont know. I feel like taking a break until Monday.

The test…tonight I am making calzones. Serious temptation food for overeating. Not when in front of people, but after everyone goes to bed and during the time I am making them. I just have to remind myself that I am committed to this ten day thing and hope that it helps.

I was watching national body challenge on FitTV. She has the people lay down on the floor on their back and then pokes around on their belly to see if the fat is between muscle and skin or if it is the deep kind that is more dangerous for heart health. Reminded me of this last nagging thing that I need to do for my overall heart health. I need the stupid belly fat gone.

That is how many calories I would have LIKED to have eaten today. So I seriously wonder if when the body switches over to burning fat cells if it has started freaking out and screaming all kinds of things at my brain like how much I would really like to have the following:

• macaroni and cheese, the real kind baked in the oven
• chicken pot pie
• a cheeseburger
• pumpkin cake
• a pepperoni roll
• tortellini, lots of it
• bread with chunks of roasted garlic
• some more tomato dumplings
• potato soup with cheddar cheese
• swedish meatballs
• pudding
• a stuffed pepper
• a banana split
• my mom’s pumpkin sprinkled with cinnamon and eaten with a piece of toast (white bread) with butter
• sausage gravy and biscuits or chipped beef gravy on english muffins or BOTH. Yeah, both.

I think one thing that seems to be a common thread through a bit of this is the flour/butter combination that I haven’t had in like six months. Time to start coming up with decent versions of some of the above foods, obviously.

I should run today. I know I should run today. I mean, this ten days is about seeing what I can accompish if I truly commit to it….can I plow through the 150’s if I am REALLY careful and do all the right things. This is about doing what it takes to get into the 140’s. I realize that 10 days is not going to do that, but it is a start. But yet…

The laundry is piling up. And wouldn’t it be nice to have a clean house so that I can just relax this weekend. And the dishwasher needs unloaded. But you know what, I have sat here for over thirty minutes telling myself about ALL the things I WOULD do if I didn’t run. I could have run in this amount of time. The fact is, I don’t want to run and I am trying to come up with any excuse in the book to avoid going. Rain? Come on, rain please. Please, rain?! How ’bout a solar eclipse? Where are the solar eclipses when you need them? And the drains, seriously. They need cleaned out. I would rather pick big slimey hunks of hair out of the drain than run right now.

I am going to go stinking run now.   :roll:   And I am back now and that was totally, utterly craptastic. I told myself I was not going to look at my lap counter until I felt like it should be in the double digits. So finally, I glanced down at it and it was 8. At that point, I was friggin ticked off and just started walking. I didn’t want to be there in the first place. I need to seriously reconsider how often I run. I am thinking it is going to get to be like a chore if I keep going every day. I was MUCH happier when I was running every other day. Much.

Breakfast was normal. Lunch will be, too. Fruit of the day probably a kiwi. Dinner was Spicy Chicken Cakes with horseradish aioli and some salad with mandarin oranges, strawberries, dried cranberries, and candied pecans with balsamic vinaigrette (similar to the chicken salad from O’Charley’s but without the chicken and blue cheese). Had some steamed carrots, too. And about 2T sunflower seeds.

This is going to get way too long today, but something I heard on the radio today…argh! The DJ was doing entertainment news. Said that David Spade and his wife are expecting a baby. Then he proceeds to say that David Spade’s wife was a playboy bunny and questioned “how did THAT happen?”. So what are we saying here? That having big —- and being willing to show them in a magazine somehow makes her SUPERIOR to an intelligent and creative man who has had a successful long term career in tv and movies? 

***For the person looking for the mousse recipe, it is on page 22 of the September issue of Prevention. Hope this helps!

I made it through the evening yesterday without eating more. So I got what I wanted today. I got to wake up this morning with no regrets and no self-loathing. And in addition to that, I know that what ever I do well today is actual progress, not being absorbed by some other day’s mess ups. Yesterday I knew that no matter how well I did, I was basically making up for the day before. But today I get to feel like I might be burning fat cells again. So I think I am moving past the binge urges. The idea of the ten day thing I think is helping. I really want to see what ten solid days of doing all the right things will actually do. So no snacking, no extra bites of leftovers while I am cleaning the kitchen, no skipping the weighing/measuring of food. I am also trying to get a handle on weight fluctuations and understand them better. So I will probably weigh a couple of times a day and put that on my ten day page.

Since I started running 3 miles, I have just been running every other day. At first I had some knee issues and those are seemingly getting better, so I decided that I would go ahead and run today. My time was worse than yesterday though. :roll:  I plan to lift weights later today.

Breakfast was normal as will be lunch. Fruit of the day: blueberries. Dinner will be roasted chicken that I sprinkle with a spice mixture that my family has been using my whole life. It always smells so yummy while it is cooking.  ***It is after dinner now and oh. my. gosh. Total comfort food. In addition to having the chicken that I always had growing up, I made tomato dumplings. I about wept tears of joy while they were cooking, I haven’t had them in so long.

Here is the link to the chain of stores that is having the running training program. The link is to their store locations so that anyone interested can see if there is one in your city. The chain itself refers to a program called “No Boundaries” which they do in the spring. Our local store is doing the fall program in addition to that.

I had this little goal in mind. I wanted to keep shaving a few seconds off of my 5k time. Figured that a few seconds each time was realistic and it would eventually over time add up to some nice improvement. Well, so much for that. My time was 36:03 today. Oh well. That is what over eating and under sleeping will do to a person, apparently. I need back on track with my food NOW. Today. No more dillydallying around.

I know what one of my problems is. If I am eating less than 1,400 calories a day and I am exercising and I STILL don’t lose weight even over the course of a week or more then I get ticked off. I figure that there is no point in depriving myself if it isn’t going to do any good anyway. I may as well enjoy it. So I eat. And I eat more. Then some more. I had a toasted cheese and tomato sandwich with mayonnaise last night at like 10:30. That used to be a summertime tradition for me. It is a comfort food. And it was real comforting for the couple minutes that it lasted. But after that I visualized the moment. There is a moment shortly after I wake up every morning before I even get out of bed when I automatically think about whether I did well the day before or not. I knew last night that my moment this morning was not going to start my day off well. I need to focus on that for tomorrow. It has been days since I have been able to wake up to good thoughts about how I am doing with my eating. I want tomorrow to be different. Tomorrow, I want to wake up knowing that I have one day of being good behind me and know that I have the chance to make it two.

Breakfast was the norm. Lunch will be the norm and the fruit of the day will be blueberries or maybe a kiwi if they are ripe enough yet. Dinner will be Herbed Chicken Breasts with Tomatillo Salsa and Queso Fresco. This is really good. I always use my electric griddle for cooking the chicken because I cook for six. Makes it so much easier because it is a nice even heat over a big surface. I may use panko for the breading because I don’t have white bread. THERE WILL BE NO EATING AFTER DINNER TONIGHT. There it is. It is out there. Now I just have to figure out what to do to make sure that I don’t slip into the same old traps.

One little highlight of my day - I was bent over digging through a laundry basket this morning while getting the kids ready for school and my daughter said with a big grin “I can see your muscles in the back of your legs”. She thinks that is pretty cool and I think it is pretty cool that she thinks that is pretty cool.

***Today is about the third or fourth day of replacing my lunch time Diet Dr. Pepper with water. Since I have two glasses a day, that is cutting my DDP consumption in half. Not sure if I can ever cut it out totally. I love me some DDP with dinner.

Ok. 6:00 pm. Still promising myself that I WILL wake up tomorrow feeling good about today. I am going light on calories since I went way over yesterday (way over). Calories are 1,012 and I feel pretty determined for them to stay that way. By this time yesterday, I was already getting the munchies.

I attempted my weights and crunches and all that this morning. I had said that once school got into full swing, I would try to accomplish that in the a.m. rather than putting it off all day. Well, it did not go well. I lay on the floor to do some weight exercises and the crunches. And all I kept thinking about was how much I would like to go to sleep or at least curl up and read. So unmotivated today to do the whole weights thing. Sheesh.

I have been thinking about my weight and what I would like to do. I would really like to get into the 140’s and then just make it my goal to keep a 4 in the middle and just let it bounce around. I am so sick, sick, sick of getting on the scale and wondering if I am retaining fluid or wondering if the pound gained or lost is truly fat or just fluid or if the running is building a little muscle or wondering if I am eating too much or if I am actually not eating enough and my metabolism has whacked out or trying to do all the stupid math about what I *think* my calorie deficit should be and what I *think* my base metabolism is and all that. SICK OF IT!!! It is madness! My weight bounces around throughout the day, not to mention from day to day. And I am just getting tired of fretting over stuff that could very well have nothing to do with fat cells at all. 

Breakfast was the norm. Lunch will be the norm and the fruit of the day will either be a nectarine or some blueberries. Dinner will be noodles with lime peanut sauce from Ellie Krieger.

***It is after dinner now. Calories are ok for the day, but not great: around 1,450.  I asked hubby if he wanted the left overs for his lunch tomorrow and he said no and after some prodding, he admitted that this is not on the top of his favorites list. What? WHAT?!?! Apparently his taste buds are dysfunctional, cause seriously, y’all this stuff is soooo good. Whatever. And on an unrelated note, the new 90210 starts TONIGHT at 8:00 eastern. Woo hoo!

3.1 miles was a little rough at times today. At one point my legs felt sooo heavy. Ugh. I finished in 35:08 though so I am content. I had eaten too much last night and I seriously think that makes running harder. I used to think that the extra calories would be good. I am thinking that is probably not the case. And, I need to make sure that I am getting enough water because the whole dry mouth thing is a nuisance.

The eating…I did ok the day of the wedding. Had to eat steak which I do NOT like, but that is what was served at the reception. I didn’t have cake. I was going to but I tasted some off of hubby’s plate first and it just would not have been worth it. However, on Sunday I made mom a cake because her birthday is later this week. Made pineapple upside down cake, which is one of the few types of cake that I actually like (really, really, REALLY LIKE!). And I did have some [too much] of that cake. Then I did some snacking after dinner on Sunday for no apparent reason at all other than that I was just glad to be back home. So I am not weighing for a few days. There is no point because there will be no measurable progress.

I am thinking about winter already, wondering what I am going to think of running outside when it is like 40 degrees. Anybody? Is it harder to breath? I just really don’t want to slack off on my running in the winter.

Breakfast and lunch: the norm. Fruit of the day: nectarines. Dinner will be greek burgers with feta aioli. hopefully we can get them to stay together better this time.

I am at the hotel. The wedding is later today. I decided to try out the fitness room. I tried out some sort of recumbent bike for 10 minutes and then tried the weight machines. Thinking at this point that a far as weights go, I would just as soon use free weights. Then I got on the treadmill and tried to figure out all the little buttons and options and doohickies and all. Started running and the thing was rattling. So I looked at this cord thing and thought “I need to move that” picked it up and of course it came flying off because it was that panic cord magnet hickie. DOH! I have no idea how these things work. Took me a few tries to figure out what to do with the thing at that point. So fixed that and then decided to try speed intervals. I figured I wasn’t going to do much distance seeing as how I am treadmill challenged. So the speed intervals turned out to be really cool. I even amped it up to 7mph for one interval. That was awesome! Couldn’t do it long and I am sure I couldn’t do that speed at the track but it was fun. I wanted to see if I could go fasterthan that, but visions of the ER flashed in my head and I didn’t drive this far to go to the ER. I have a wedding to go to. I am surprised I didn’t face plant because I kept gawking at the mirror to look at my legs. I don’t have a full length mirror in my house, so I was trying to look and see if they look like a runner’s legs yet. And I am thinking no.

I did my best with breakfast. Avoided the pastry temptations. Had one of those little packages of special k with skim milk and had a little container of yogurt. I am content so far. Not sure what lunch will be though. And oh. my. gosh. That California Chicken Salad at O’Charley’s last night was yummy. I must try to make this at home.

Happy Saturday, all.

I was digging into my fall/winter clothes for some jeans and pulled out a pair of size 14. Ok, usually if they are “mom jeans” (SNL fans know what I mean) that come up around the waist I have to have a bigger size than usual because of my huge hunking waist size. Then the rear ends up too big because the flatness of said rear is a cruel freak of nature. So anyway, point is that I reached into the pocket of these jeans and there was an old washed up store list. Which means that I had these jeans on in the spring. Which further confirms the fact that I HAVE MADE NO STINKING PROGRESS ALL SUMMER!!! I mean, yeah, a few pounds maybe. But nothing very measurable.

Progress was made in running, though. So it was not a total wash. I can just see that these last 10-15 pounds are going to be a B*TCH!!!

So we leave for the wedding today. My 83 year old uncle’s wedding. That one. Tonight we will eat at O’Charley’s and I have scoped out my options and will be having the California Chicken Salad. The weekend makes me nervous though because I get very Rainman about breakfast and lunch and I won’t have my normal breakfast and lunch until Monday. Yikes. If I can’t lose weight being as careful as I am at HOME, it sure isn’t going to happen over the weekend. 

I am getting really frustrated. I want to be DONE with having to lose weight. I want my only focus to have to be maintaining and working on my fitness. I am sick of the fat. I had to try to shop for a dress to wear to the wedding and it was just not good. For one thing, I friggin’ HATE dresses. Then I was stupid enough to try on a sweater dress. WTF!? What? Was I in the mood for a little self loathing or what? Sheesh.

The good news is that 90210 starts next week. There I said it. It is out. I do indeed plan on watching 90210. And I am quite excited that Kelly is back, as well as Brenda. I am very disappointed that there has been no mention of David, because he was getting pretty hot there at the end of old 90210.

Have a great long weekend, peeps.