Confession time… yesterday I was doing great. Came home from work and I was hungry so I had a bit of fruit waiting for dinner. Then I ate my perfectly on plan dinnner followed by some dessert that turned out to be not so yummy (so I threw it away) and then I had a slice of fruit loaf which was super yum and then I had another piece cos it really was super yum. At this point I’m doing great calorie wise, or at least I would have been if I had just gone to bed but did I? Oh no of course not, I went to the kitchen instead and had a 1/2 peanut butter sandwich and (yet another) slice of loaf. I snuck my extras into my bedroom and over the next hour proceeded to keep sneaking more food. I had a piece of toast with some cheese and ham, some toaster waffles with banana, 3 small packs of smarties (mini mini ones but I ate 3 packs not just 1!) what else… oh another slice of cheese and bread, a belgium biscuit and a couple of lollies. I knew what I was doing was wrong but I just kept going back to get more things to eat. Ugh!

But on the positive side (and there is a positive side) I made myself be accountable. I decided to take action against the harm I had done and I drank lots of water (by the time I’d drunk so much water I was super bloated and this made me too lazy to walk back to the kitchen…. The other thing I did was write a list of what I ate, figure out the calories for it all and make myself aware of the realities. Usually I put my hand in the sand and hide from the truths.

So this morning I woke up, looked in the mirror and thought that I didn’t look any fatter and therefore there was no excuse to keep being naughy and I was just going to keep going as I intended. A line has officially been drawn under last night’s antics.

So instead of eating 1200cal as I originally blogged I ended up eating 2500 calories. On one hand OMG and on the other hand it’s not so bad. The reality is that I would probably have many days each week when I would eat that many calories this time last year, so it’s not one bad night that makes me fat, it’s many many many bad nights in a row!

Lessons learn? Many! #1 don’t pick at a cake straight out of the oven as it leads to over indulgence. Wait until it is time to eat the cake and then sit down and enjoy it properly. #2 never go back for seconds of a treat item (this was potentially the point at which I stepped onto the slippary slope…) #3 don’t ever eat peanut butter except in the morning on toast. Eating it at night with bread ALWAYS leads me to eating more of everything. So I must keep away.

I didn’t weigh myself this morning - I figured the weight of the food alone as it digested would probably be a number of pounds so I’ll wait until later in the week when I feel skinnier!

Today has been a good day, I tried to eat as light as possible to counter-act yesterdays actions and I spend 6 hours at work where I was on my feet the whole time doing lots of running around. It’s also freezing cold so I figure the extra effort my body is putting in to keeping me warm must equal at least one of those mini boxes of smarties?!

Tomorrow is my nephew’s 2nd birthday party and I’m going to indulge but in a healthy and sensible way not in a binge/secret eating in my bedroom type way. Whenever I’m taking food to eat where there are no people it’s a bad sign.

I feel ashamed to come on here to confess but accountability is very VERY important and it helps me evaluate just what went wrong. I think I was starting to get a bit cocky so will never think that I am “cured” especially after just one week of good eating.