Gotta get it out!

it is time for me to get my butt up and move. i have been dealing with my mom’s health issues (and the recent removal of her toe)-taking her to doc, hospital, etc. i am worn out and have no energy.

motivation will not come in some miracle flash of inspiration. i am old enough to know that if you want to change-only you can do it. i guess i don’t like change. it scares me. even good change. i am so used to having this body and how it feels. but it has begun to feel worse.

i have bad habits that need to be broken, like a stick upon the back of a horrendous criminal who would not bat an eye at any other affliction. otherwise, they will scar me and eventually kill me.

the changes are few, but difficult.

1. STOP smoking
2. exercise
3. eat healthy

sounds easy, huh? but we all know better. the older i get, the harder it will be to accomplish these changes. my body tells me so…LOL! but it is no laughing matter.

i see what is happening to my mom and my aunt because of their unhealthy lifestyles. i see myself following in their footsteps and i want to find a different path. theirs has been beaten into the ground. no use in my following, i know where it goes.

some way, some how, i need a rude awakening…a slap in the face to wake up and make changes. i’m afraid that i will have to change my friends. not that they don’t support what i want to do, but they don’t necessarily help. i don’t like the thought of that, because i love my friends and i know they love me. actually, the ones that really count want to make changes also. maybe if i push them to change, but it can only happen if they are ready also.

anyway….we’ll see what happens soon. keep your fingers crossed.

i am SO impressed with myself. yesterday, i went outside and shoveled my steps, walkway and driveway. the snow was about 10″ deep and deeper next to the street (*4-letter word* snow plows). now, if you know me, i’m on and off with the exercise, so i was breathing hard the whole time and sweating my butt off under 2-3 layers of clothing meant to keep me warm. i kept looking around and not a soul to be seen that might help this poor overweight, out of shape female with a blood-red face about to have a heart attack. not.a.soul. but i did it. because i knew no one else would and i had to get out of the driveway today. i took many 1-2 minute breaks, breathing like i had just run a marathon. i felt a little tightening in my chest (which scared me), but as long as i took breaks, i knew i’d be ok. i didn’t care if it took me all day, it had to be done. so once i was done and back inside, i was surprised to see it only took me 35 minutes. woopie! but once i got in where my heat was running, that’s when i really felt like i was going to die. i thought i would overheat and pass out. i started stripping clothes off as i headed to the shower.

once i got back downstairs to sit down and take a breather, i got curious about how many calories i had burned. so i went online and found numbers that ranged from 250 - near 400. some sites, you just put your weight and time spent. a couple asked if you were male or female. one even took in to account your height. but not one asked about your normal activity (sedentary, active, triathlete, etc). i would think that’s important. maybe not. i guess burning is burning. but my heart rate jumped way up after about 5 minutes, so i would think i burned more than any joe shmoe down the street who regularly benches 250.

whatever, I DID IT…BY MYSELF!!

then last night at 9pm, the *4-letter word* snow plows came through 2 more times and built a wall at the end of my drive that my little car would NOT get over…ARGH!!! so today…i grabbed my shovel again….LOL! but now i’m a pro and there wasn’t that much to do. i did have to break it up since it had turned to mostly ice overnight. but again…I DID IT! ok, enough patting on my back. oh yeah, and screw that snowman i mentioned yesterday. i’m done with snow!

i just did 30 minutes of cardio again. yah! it kicked my butt a little more than yesterday, which sucks.

it’s partly because the left side of my back has been hurting for days. it feels like i got punched and it is very tender. i suspect it’s either from the arm exercises i did with my bands or the way i sleep. i didn’t do my strength training last night because of it. so i’m not sure if i should try to do some tonight or not. common sense says no, let the muscles rest and recover. fat girl who wants to be skinny and is on a high of 5 lb weight loss sense says, suck it up and do it!

yes, i have lost 5 lbs in the past 2 weeks. yah! i’ve found a new way to be inspired. when i want to eat something bad, especially something high in sodium, i think about how tight my clothes will fit the next day at work and how miserable i will be and have been in the past. i’m sick of being uncomfortable at work.

ok, time to take a shower and pop some ibuprofen. my back is really killing me.

yesterday when i left work, i was soooo tired and needed a beer. so i went to Margarita’s to have a beer and see my friend who works there. i hadn’t ate much for the day (yogurt, LF cheese stick, LF micro-meal) so the beer hit me quick. this is why i decided to eat there. i had a gringo-burger and fries.  it wasn’t as bad as eating the mexican food would have been and they make killer burgers and fries. so that was my dinner. i went home before the bad ice struck and watched tv. i knew there was no way i was going to exercise, i was too tired from my workday.

today, i had my usual 2-3 cups of coffee, several cigs and decided to get off my butt and exercise. i did 30 minutes of cardio. yah! that’s the most i’ve done at one time. i pop a movie in to keep me going once i start. (i’ve watched 3:10 to Yuma each time and i think i’m gonna buy it. great movie to get lost in and forget about the time.) then i did a couple loads of laundry, made breakfast (egg sandwich-2 scrambled eggs, 2 LF cheese slices, 2 slices fiber/wheat toast) and now i’m taking my mom to the grocery with me. i just have to make sure it’s not an all day event. she can spend 4 or more hours wondering around in a store. drives me nuts! i like to get in, get my stuff and get out. i also have to make sure i don’t let her drive me to eat eat eat! mothers have a way of doing that, especially mine.

anyway, i plan to do some strength training later with the bands and whatnot. i’m proud of myself for picking myself back up and following through after a week of nothing. : )

wow! i wanted to talk about my exercise from last night and just realized the last time i worked out was valentine’s day. sheesh, going through my ‘cycle’ has made an impact on my lately. the past few times all i have wanted to do is eat and sleep. i did some of that this time. sunday, my lower back was killing me from cleaning on saturday combined with my cycle on sunday. we had monday off and i didn’t take advantage of it-shame on me!

so anyway, i exercised last night and my lower back is hurting again. that’s what happens when you slack off and i know this. my back should loosen up during the day and tonight i will exercise again. i’ll just take it a little easy-but i will break a sweat…LOL!

keep up the good work ladies and ta ta for now!

today is all about cleaning my house. i have let it go for too long. that will be my exercise, and trust me, it WILL be exercise. i have to do it all. laundry will be today or tomorrow since we are off work. i have a ‘date’ with a co-worker later this evening to throw darts, so i may have to wash something. guess i should go look in my closet to see if i have anything clean. well, i know i have clean clothes, it’s just if i want to wear them…lol!

yesterday i worked out my arms and abs and that’s it. i was too tired to do anything else. i also didn’t wait a day between working the same muscles and i felt it. so like i said, today is kind of a day off by cleaning instead.

so, i guess that’s it for now. buh bye!

i exercised tonight. instead of doing my arms, abs, legs, etc., i did legs and cardio. i stepped up and down till my calves couldn’t take it any more. they weren’t screaming, but they hurt. and i did it longer than i did last night. and i was sweating. so i would say it counts.

thing is, now i’m exhausted, really. so i will take tonight and not complain about what i did not do. i will be happy for what i did.

: )

OK, it’s been a over a week since i’ve written. mainly because i haven’t done any exercise and have been disappointed in myself. the only thing i did this past weekend was my laundry. seriously, my laundry. i washed, dried, folded and put it in a basket. i didn’t hang it up until this morning before i went to work.

you may ask yourself…..why didn’t she do anything?!?!? and i tell you…because i soooooo needed it. after being sick and doing stuff for my mom for the past few weekends and stressing over work (this coming month is gonna suck!), i decided to be a lazy. i allowed myself to do absolutely nothing and not worry about it.

saturday, at about 11am, i decided to take a nap. oh my gosh! that was sooo awesome! so sunday, i did it again at around 3pm. that, too, was awesome. a mini-vacation (at least that’s what i think vacation is supposed to be).

so tonight, i worked out. i worked everything. so much that as i type this, i feel my abs moving and twisting (it’s actually kinda creepy).

i ate decent today. (oh yeah, did i mention that i ate whatever i wanted over the weekend also?) i have a LF yogurt with fiber one when i got to work. then i had raw veggies with watered down, LF blue cheese to dip in. for lunch a LF fettucine alfredo w/broccoli (now the bad part - w/a snack size bag of cheetos. aargh! i know…). when i got home, dinner was a LF micro meal of salisbury steak w/mac and cheese.

now if you look at it in calories, i did great. if you look at it in terms of fat, not so bad. as to servings of fruits, veggies, fiber-the perfect diet-could have been better. and if you look at for carbs, whoa nellie! get a hold on the reigns…sheesh! so depending on your view….i ate decent today.

i’m rationalizing this huh? i guess i have to coax myself to get back into the game, because vacation is over.

my plan was to take saturday off, miraculously get better, and run on sunday. well, one out of three is gonna have to do. saturday i slept on and off, coughed up drainage (i know, eeewww) and ate comfort food (i know, baaadd). my friend helped me with lugging the laundry around and that’s about all i got accomplished. (my kitchen is currently a disaster area. getting to the coffee pot this a.m. took a few minutes.)

sunday, more of the same, but with less coughing up…(you know), and more comfort food. when my friend got to my house to work out (we’re doing this together in my self-made gym in the dining room), i wanted a hamburger. he was supposed to call when he was on his way and didn’t, so i didn’t get a hamburger. i was VERY upset. he told me that i would be disappointed in myself the next day if i had a hamburger and that i should eat something healthy out of my kitchen. (i have asked him several times to help patrol my eating habits since i can’t seem to say no to myself, so he starts while i’m sick…ARGGHHH!) so i had a baked potato with margarine, one low-fat cheese slice, and bacon bits. i made a mean, angry face the whole time i was eating it. he got a good workout and i felt like a loser (and for some reason angry at him) because i’m just not up to it at the moment.

so here it is, monday, and i called off work. i wasn’t sure i could be productive today. if it was like yesterday, i woke up feeling great but as the day progressed, i had the coughing, body aches and then a headache. my body still aches, but so far, all else seems fine. so tomorrow, back i go.

i like the running schedule i had set up. saturday, monday and wednesday. so i think i will stick with that schedule and do ‘easy’ stuff till saturday.

oh yeah, i got a new core workout ball. the one i bought last week was too big for me, so my friend it taking it. so i will work with my newer ‘toy’ and do resistance bands. i’m sick of being sick and not being able to move around without aches. (whining-) i wanna feel good again!

i have a sinus infection (for the 3rd time in 2 months). i guess this winter is a bad one for me. usually i might get the sniffles or a cough for a week or so. but every few years, i get hit and i guess it’s this year.

i really do want to exercise, because i know i usually feel better after, but i’m just exhausted and i can’t imagine even getting up. i’ve been napping on and off for 24 hours now. to get a shower this morning before i went to the doctor was a major activity. the hot shower was great, but once i was dressed, i was ready to nod off again. maybe i’ll feel like doing some squats or resistance bands later.

i hate being sick.