Gotta get it out!

my mom is back in the hospital for the 3rd time in 3 months because of her diabetic foot problem. tomorrow they are taking half of her foot. it was supposed to be today, but they cancelled it. i don’t know why-wish i did because i took a half PTO and i don’t have many left, so it was wasted and i’m pissed… anyway, there is no circulation in her toes and the arteries there are too small for any surgeon to fix. they think there is enough blood flow in the larger arteries of the upper part of her foot to keep that alive and heal after the surgery. they plan on putting her in a hyperbaric oxygen tank to progress the healing. this will be a 4-6 month process to completely heal…if all goes well. if the foot starts to ‘die’, then the next step is amputation below the knee.

this thursday, the 21st, is my quit day for smoking. it’s not a special day or anything, i gave myself a month till i quit, and it happened to be the 21st when i said that. i’ve been fine until today. i have 2 days left and i haven’t really cut back. i do throw a lot of cigarettes away because i just don’t want them and i keep reminding myself that i will be able to breathe better and move without being winded. the thing is, last time i quit, i used the patch and it worked great, but i can’t use them this time (or anything else) because i’m taking wellbutrin and can’t combine it with any other products.

i’m getting nervous about quitting. i wonder if this is a bad time to quit because of the stress in my life, but i’ve kinda gotten accustomed to the stress. this has been going on since June 6 with my mom. and i have to stop some time soon. so i think, why not now. nothing is going to change in the stress department for a while and i can’t keep putting it off.

as to weight loss and all that good stuff… i’ve been watching my meals and doing a little better than OK. every now and then i binge on really bad stuff. like going to lunch with co-workers to a pizza buffet. or eating 2 small bags of chips in the evening. i’m still not getting enough veggies and fruit. i quit buying them from the grocery because i’m hardly home right now and end up throwing it all in the garbage. the hospital, however, has a phenomenal (!!!) salad bar and i eat that 2-3 times a week. i made a meatloaf to have for lunches this week and have some Boca burgers in the freezer. i’ve been living off of WW breakfast quesadillas for weeks. yummy, but still has preservatives, etc. (i’m not too crazy about eating micro-meals, but sometimes it’s the only choice).

exercise is walking from a parking lot through a hospital every day and that’s about it. i get up, feed mom’s cat, go to work, go see mom, go feed mom’s cat, come home and crash.

that is life for now. so if i can accomplish anything during this time.;..yah! sorry for being gone for so long. i will try to stop in each weekend for updates.