Gotta get it out!

it is time for me to get my butt up and move. i have been dealing with my mom’s health issues (and the recent removal of her toe)-taking her to doc, hospital, etc. i am worn out and have no energy.

motivation will not come in some miracle flash of inspiration. i am old enough to know that if you want to change-only you can do it. i guess i don’t like change. it scares me. even good change. i am so used to having this body and how it feels. but it has begun to feel worse.

i have bad habits that need to be broken, like a stick upon the back of a horrendous criminal who would not bat an eye at any other affliction. otherwise, they will scar me and eventually kill me.

the changes are few, but difficult.

1. STOP smoking
2. exercise
3. eat healthy

sounds easy, huh? but we all know better. the older i get, the harder it will be to accomplish these changes. my body tells me so…LOL! but it is no laughing matter.

i see what is happening to my mom and my aunt because of their unhealthy lifestyles. i see myself following in their footsteps and i want to find a different path. theirs has been beaten into the ground. no use in my following, i know where it goes.

some way, some how, i need a rude awakening…a slap in the face to wake up and make changes. i’m afraid that i will have to change my friends. not that they don’t support what i want to do, but they don’t necessarily help. i don’t like the thought of that, because i love my friends and i know they love me. actually, the ones that really count want to make changes also. maybe if i push them to change, but it can only happen if they are ready also.

anyway….we’ll see what happens soon. keep your fingers crossed.

well, once again, it has been a while. i have a reason though, not an excuse. my mom has been in the hospital for 11 days at this point. she is diabetic with bad circulation and has gangrene starting on a toe. they put her last Wednesday Friday-did an angiogram but could not do angioplasty because of blockage in the knee. she had vascular bypass in her leg Tuesday and is recovering. we are waiting for them to send her home, hopefully tomorrow. (it’s just the tip of her toe-not down to the joint. they are hoping that the improved circulation will cause the dead skin on her toe to dry up and fall off-apparently, this is common.)

so i’ve been very busy and very tired. i was on vacation the week they admitted her, not much of a vacation-not her fault, just everything else went wrong that week also. her garage got flooded the night she went in. i couldn’t go to my girls camping trip, etc. i haven’t been to the grocery for over 2 weeks. i went Friday night and did very well. bought lots of fruit, chicken breast.i haven’t been able to exercise and i feel it. i’ve been eating out and i feel it. i’ve been stressing and i feel it. i’ve gained weight and i feel it.

i’m going to eat my healthy food and hope that i feel like exercising soon. hope that it gives me the energy i need. the energy that fast food does not. i know this, but when you have to be here and there at this and that time, fast food is the best option. i’ve tried to eat good fast food, but we all know how that goes. the gooey cheesey food tells you ‘i taste sooo good, and you are feeling sooo bad. i can make it all better.’ it lies….

i’m trying to get things under control for now. i will be back when things are closer to ‘normal’.