Not enough hours in the day April 13, 2008
first of all…thanks lodyangel for being supportive.
i think i just needed to step away for a bit. things are very stressful for me at the moment. i think the gain was from preparing to quit smoking…so i ate out and i ate bad. since my last post, i’ve been cooking at home and packing lunches. and because of it, i’ve went back down 6 of the 8 i had gained back. i know it was mostly water and swelling because of what i was eating, but i felt it.
without totally going into it all…i’m training another new person at work, our dept is swamped with ‘need it now’ work orders, i’m doing OT, i’m exhausted and my brain is mush once i leave work, my mom calls all the time because she needs this or that fixed at her house (i’m an only child and my dad died 3 years ago), my house needs work and i just watch it getting worse because i can’t seem to get anyone to help (unless i pay through the nose), i’m trying to pay my credit cards down so i can fix the house, i come home and just want to sit-so my house is a wreck (today is cleaning day), i’m trying to eat right and get up the ‘ummppff’ to exercise and i need to quit smoking. UGH!
on their own, each of these are not so big, but they are all piled on my shoulders. i went to my gyno last week and she asked how i was (i hadn’t seen her in years, i know, i know). when i went into all of this, i broke down crying. she handed me tissues and asked if i had ever thought about talking to a someone. i told her i had been to a psychologist but it didn’t help that much and i couldn’t afford $20 a week (my co-pay). she asked if had ever taken anything for depression. i told her yes, twice, but both had made me feel more disconnected and that i couldn’t get my job done. so she wants me to try Wellbutrin. my insurance approved it a couple days ago and i started it yesterday. so we will see. i just need for things to not seem so serious or doom and gloom so i can function without having anxiety about regular ‘ole basic life.
i know we all have things pile up from time to time and i’m not going through a life or death situation, it’s just ’stuff’. but at the moment i’m drowning from this stuff and my air is running out. i have a lot of things i have to do today because yesterday, i did nothing. i sat on my butt with my friend and we watched youtube and break and tikibar on itunes. that was it. i should have went into work to get some things done, but i just couldn’t. i barely got a shower. i needed to do nothing. i worried about how doing nothing for a whole day was going to affect me, but i soon forgot. yah!
so anyway, i’m out of hiding…LOL! and will try to keep up with my blog and life.
