Not such a brilliant writers’ retreat since yours truly managed to stuff up booking the holiday house. Yes, somewhere in the dim, dark distant past we discussed having the retreat in July, and that’s what I booked. I forgot to change it when we decided on June. Wouldn’t normally be a problem since the holiday house doesn’t get a tonne of use outside of school holidays, but as luck would have it, it was booked for this weekend.

Felt so disappointed to have let my friends down and put sister in law in a bad position. Not an utter tragedy, of course, but a shame.

Picture Book Writer kindly offered her lovely home for yesterday, and we did get a bit of workshopping (and eating) but it just wasn’t the same as three days of fun and talking about writing.

I thought I might go to the midwinter Lantern Festival in Belgrave last night, but it was rainy and cold and I just thought “bugger it” and stayed home with Beloved. Instead we just stayed home and watched Star Trek. Original series. We are playing with our  recorder thingy, and having a go at dubbing our tapes onto DVDs.

I spent most of my childhood on board the Starship Enterprise. Was utterly delighted yesterday when I read my story for workshopping and Evil Twin gave me that look she gives and said, ‘You know you’re a nerd, don’t you?’ Yeah! I love being a nerd. Hanging out for the next Star Trek movie.

sigh

Yes, I am procrastinating. Haven’t been on the tready for days. I’ve pretty much forgotten what vegetables look like, and I haven’t even had my ten minutes of sitting quietly and thinking about getting thin time in the morning.

I really have lost the plot. I’m not losing weight. I see how magnificent CrimeWeaver is looking, with all her exercise, and getting stuck into healthy eating and I look at what I lump I am and how disappointed I feel in myself. The fact is, my attempts at healthy eating might have made me healthier inside, but it sure hasn’t made any difference on the scales or in my clothing.

I read all your blogs and feel so inspired, but still can’t seem to make that magic step of eating less. I can. Of course I can. I don’t even have to want to, I just have to do it. I just have to eat less. It’s not rocket science. It’s not even warp engine science. Something just has to reset inside me. I just have to find that switch that will make me believe I’m in a place where eating a lot less food will mean my survival. That’s the only way it can work for me.

When Radio Boy was born, he was large. He weighed 4.115 kgs. That’s exactly 9lbs. Large, for a firstborn, and the doctor suggested I might have had gestational diabetes. Somehow that stuck in my mind and it was during Radio Boy’s first year that I joined Weight Watchers and became a lifetime member. Stuck in my mind was the fear of diabetes and it worked to help me lost weight. But I haven’t been able to find that switch again. Maybe it’s like writing, you don’t just sit around all airy fairy, waiting for the muse to arrive, you just write. You just do it.

Beloved’s on the tready now. He’s been there a while. Must be about time for me to put my shoes on and do some real work.