There’s a little breeze stirring, and maybe the smog will lift. It’s supposed to rain tomorrow. For now the weather is cool and fine, the sun is shining and I can hear the fountain in the pond playing. Contentment is an easy thing here. Bluey the dog is curled up in a patch of sun just behind me and I can hear the munch munch munch of the sheep eating. Our yard would look like a neat, green lawn – if it wasn’t for all those little black ball bearings they keep leaving all over the place.

There is happiness in the moment and that’s what I’m learning from today. The plants on my balcony are green, the sounds around me are peaceful, the sun is warm on my leg. Happiness is not something to be sought after or yearned for, but to be found in the moment, even if it’s just in the simple act of breathing air or feeling the faint trace of pulse, hearing a dog bark or distant birdsong, the tang of woodsmoke as people do fuel reduction burnoffs.

Feed all your senses.

Light and sound, touch and smell. Let taste be only one fifth of your indulgence.

And when you eat, eat first with your eyes. Look at that food and enjoy it for what it is, for where it came from, for how it came to you. Can you hear food? Well, maybe. The sounds of it being cooked, of cutting the veggies, water boiling, sizzle of frying, even the ding of the microwave, it’s all part of the experience. The clatter of cutlery on plate. The chatter and warmth of people you share your meal with. And smell the food and feel it. Your lips and tongue are loaded with nerves that deal with the sense of touch. Feel your food, each mouthful, the heat or cool of it, the texture. Rough or smooth, creamy or crunchy and feel it going down. Down into your belly where it satisfies you. Where it fills you with its goodness, where abundance from your meal gives you the energy to go on.

Gives you the energy to lose more weight so that you can reveal the slim and healthy person inside.

All the images today have cool links on them. Especially this last one. Hope your karma’s good and hope your day is too.

Or was my shirt a little bit looser when I put it on to go to work yesterday? I honestly can’t say for sure because I’m still not subjecting myself to the scales or the tape measure, but it had been more than a week since my last shift and I don’t think the buttons were straining quite so much. Or it could just be my imagination.

The fish are having an exciting time. I went to look at them last night and found 3 of the white clouds (they do look like tetras, don’t they?) were in the bottom pond. They’d started off in the top pond but apparently the tube is big enough for fish and down they went. Well, I figure that since the tube fits fish, then it’s going to fit mozzie wrigglers, as well, and that’s why I got the fish, so I’ve left them there. Too much adventure probably isn’t good for them.

I’m really enjoying the SMART Mode™ sessions in the morning. Still do them naked, and I think this really helps with my hot flushes, too. I let the cool morning air surround me and cool me down. The theory behind these is all part of Jon’s idea about stress and eating. I know for sure that I’m a stress eater. His idea is that to some extent our brains are hardwired to see that stress=starvation and therefore we need to eat to overcome it. That our caveman brains are a simple thing and if we can de-stress them then it’s going to help with part of the problem. I read these two articles this morning, and they really spoke to me about it. This one helps with dealing with different kinds of stress. One thing I didn’t realise was the importance of carbohydrates in being happy. I suffer from depression and try to keep aware of how I can help myself keep out of that. I now try to keep carbohydrates (the good kind) in my diet so that I can build my own serotonins.

I thought this article was really interesting and helpful, too. I know I’m a social eater. If my friends have all brought a plate, I do feel that I have to have something from each plate because it’d be rude not to, right? I don’t want anyone to feel rejected. Only I have to remember that I am not responsible for other people’s feelings and that food is not the solution to all problems. I have been known to ask if I can take something home, and then not eat it. It feels sneaky but, you know, sort of virtuous.

I also really enjoyed this article by Craig Harper. Self-pity can be a big part of my depression and it’s something I do have the power to overcome. How I feel about something is up to me. Sometimes I try to talk myself out of it by reading a comic or funny book or website. Sometimes I can write to forget about it, and sometimes I do something else nice for myself like seeing a movie or having a wander round the shops. I look at skinny clothes and think about how it will be when I can wear them.

For too many years now I have looked at those racks of new clothes each season and told myself that next autumn (winter/spring/summer) I will be able to wear those pretty clothes that only seem to come in size 12. For too many years not I have disappointed myself, looked back over that year and asked myself “what have I done to change?” and the answer has been “nothing”, because a few weeks of trying to eat less, or walking a little bit more is not going to cut it.

I dressed up my model in a nice autumn outfit. The kind of thing I like to wear. The way I will look this time next year.

It’s a very short blog because I’m off to work today. It can be a challenge because I mostly tend to work over mealtimes. Today is no exception. I’ve followed the book and had a large breakfast, and I think that will do for lunch as well.

I work in a cinema and I get free movies. Might take myself to see Nim’s Island after work today and then do my grocery shopping for the week. I’ll take a snack into that. Probably get a hot chocolate from the candy bar, since I have to get something from the candy bar for my “free” movie and hot chocolate is probably the least worst thing. Wish they sold “real” food at the cinema. Was very proud of myself last week. Beloved and I went to see Gone Baby Gone and we got a bucket of popcorn to share and a drink each. He got Sprite and I had a bottle of water. At the end of the movie there was still half of that bucket of popcorn left. Yeah. I didn’t shovel it all down. In fact, I think Beloved ate more of it than I had.

I read this blog about emotional eating yesterday. Pretty sure someone’s been reading my mind. Trying not to eat emotionally though. I have a drink of water or a cup of tea. Tea is good for me, I have it very weak and black with no sugar, or else I make a chai latte.

I got some fish for my ponds yesterday. I put 3 rainbow fish in the big pond and 5 little whiteclouds in the little pond. They seem to have vanished. I hope this is just due to their superpowers of camoflage. I spent part of yesterday sitting by the pond and reading the latest Challis and Destry adventure. I’m not a huge fan of the crime novel, but I like Gary Disher’s stuff because it’s set not far from here and I can really relate to it and to the characters in it (I’m sure I serve some of them at work).

I’ll leave you now with some fish pictures. Here is a rainbow fish like the ones in my pond:

and this is a white cloud like the ones in my pond:

Oh, and pretty sure it’s Morgan Freeman in the seal suit on Nim’s Island. That guy is everywhere! He’s versatile and a great actor.