The life I was meant to live

When I first started this whole thing I read books like a crazy person, learning about my body, what it needs, how to get it and everything. Lately, I don’t seem to be able to find the time to really reserach like I used to. But I feel that now more than ever, i should! Im ready to amp up what i’m doing and get more into the calorie portion of life. I know what foods I SHOULD eat now and now I wanna focus more on the amount of calories i need to eat, the amount of activit I need to effectively loose. I’m actually pretty proud of myself lately. Although I havn’t lost LOTS lately. Even a pound a week is more than enough to reach my goal weight (180) by my wedding ( july, 2010).  And no.. I don’t just wanna look good for the weddding. It was just a random date i could remember lol

ANyway, Im really digging this fitday thingy. Yesterday I made a startling discovery! I don’t think i’m eating enough calories. I ate under 1000 yesterday as of 7pm and althought i never felt hungry, I have noticed that i have been getting super tired really early each day. I thought I was eating plenty.. even too much.. but I guess not. Maybe thats why I havn’;t been losing as steady as I was… my boyd is switching into some sort of survival mode. I’m gonna amp up my intake with a larger dinner to try and keep my energy up PAST 4pm! haha
Wish me luck!

I am having scale issues. YEs yes,…. the scale proves nothing. But I would like an acurate one in my life. Moms scale in canada rocks. This one tells m a differet number everytime i step on it, depending on HOW i step on it. This morning in a 40 second interval, i think i weighed 7 different weights ranging in a 10 pound raduis. I could be 278 or 291.. who really knows? hehehe lord. I went for 282 because it appeared more than once. haha whatever it really is, it’s ok ( as long as it’s not over 284.5) lol I feel good.. i’m eating right and that’s what matters.  As for my 5 pound challenge online.. i’m gonna choise the more accurate weight I can based on my scale with amind of it’s own!

SO i wasn’t sure what to think about my new walk away the pounds dvd. It seems like it wasn’t much of a challenge. My heart rate was up, but it wasn’t as extreme as the biggest loser cardio max stuff I had been doing. That dvd kicks my ass.. but in a good way! ANYWAY.. i did the 3 mile WATP dvd yesterday. I liked it cause it was simple and lasted longer.. good for weightloss. And to my happiness, i lost half a pound since yesterday! ( Yes I looked at the scale, I know. ) But my excuse is that I am on a five pound challenge with some ppl on 3fatchicks, so I have to check up. I think im more mentally stable today so the scale won’t break me! lol

I have found tat just before I work out, i have to pump myself up for it. The best way I have found is to do it right afer my morning snack… which is a piece of fruit usually. I pump up some good hip hop shake my butt music, stand up and eat my orange and then bust into my workout! It does work! I swear! hehe My whole life is one big mental game. If only i could concure this mind of mine. I’m getting there. it’s just in baby steps!!

I started a fitday page at www.fitday.com. Amazing! counts my calories intake and burning each day. SO i will just puts thoughts mostly in here and leave the food stuff to fit day. HEre’s the addy to my page..

http://www.fitday.com/WebFit/PublicJournals.html?Owner=Mrsfauxtini

So my gal of losing five pounds this week didn’t quite work out. I got a little snarly about it earlier in the week cause I seemed to be gaining and not losing.. but i stuck to my health plan all week! I took an exercise break on the weekend, but did go play at the park with Nik and whatnot. I managed to lose 1.5 pounds, so I can’t complain about that.
And I think that although the scale numbers went down, I did good.. and here’s why!!

I went shopping on Sunday and bought shirts from the REGULAR sized section!! I never knew how excited that would make me. I’m so proud of myself. I havn’t stuck with a health plan for this long in .. well forever.. and to see a difference.. and for others to see a difference really boosts me up. I feel healthier, happier and stronger. YAY ME!

I just need to leanr to just eat good, work out hard and don’t stress the little things. STicking with it is key! AND STAYING AWAY FROM THAT DAMN SCALE. It’s the devil. It proves nothing to me… yet i compulsivly check. ONCE A WEEK ONLY!!!

I’m trying to join lots of online weightloss challenges. I like having someone to work with and if it can’t be in person, online will just have to do!

Exercise: Walk away the pounds 3 mile

Breakfast: Yogurt with protein and flax
Snack: Apple
Lunch: open faced ham sandwich.. no cheese! ( big step! )
Snack: Bulla bread ( I was baking for Nik.. shouldn’t have eaten one of these. Not one healthy thing involved… But it was the first time I baked them.. so i had to taste test! Lol)
Dinner : meal replacement drink
Snack: one whole wheat pita and hummus

First and formost,

Breakfast: Regular, yogurt with protein and bran muffin
Snack: Orange
Lunch: Meal replacment drink
Dinner: Chicken fajitas
Snack: small popcorn at the movies

Exercise: The biggest loser Cardio Max: warm up, level 1, level 2 and cool down

I’m really proud that I hardcored through level two today, especially since I didn’t feel like working out at all. This marriage visa thing’s got me down, but the exercising.. once i begin it.. make me feel better for a while. I felt really good after the work out and i’m happy with my eating. The popcorn was a major treat, but I had been prepared for it all week. No guilt

I’m starting to get really into 3fatchicks. It’s really helping me. I just am upset that I never found the biggest loser challenge soon enough! lol Oh well.. i guess I will start with the weekly challenges that put up!

Oh yeah, Nik’s romantic treat today for me was that he cleaned the kitchen for me!!! YAY!! He has no clue how special of the treat that is!

We are starting to get some stuff worked together for the visa. I’m not allowing my hopes to get up though, cause I don’t want them to get crushed.

As for food today:
Breakfast: bran muffin , yogurt with protein powder
Lunch: Ham sandwich, water , Orange
Snack: meal replacment shake
Dinner: Oven steamed salmon, steamed spinach and long grain rice, water

Exercise: Denise Austin’s cardio blast warm up, kick boxing, aheletic intervals, cardio dance, cool down

* I was happy that I jumped right in and did three instead of the usual 2 mins workouts

I weighed myself today.. WHY? AHH! and it says I have gained weight since yesterday. THERE’S NO WAY! It just doesn’t make any sense! I hate scales. HOw do i get one that won’t lie to me? We have a digital one and it’s new.. so the batteries shouldn’t be messed up. I’m not gonna stress about it. BUt it just made me relaize that I SHOULDN’T weigh myself everyday. It gives me a complex, i swear.

I love doing my dvds.. but I think a gym membership would be good too, cause when i’m at the gym I HAVE to work out, when i’m home with a DVD in my hand.. i can slack more or procrastinate.

Good news! We have put in a request for a military expedite on our visit! we will find out if we can apply within five days. I’m sooooo happy there’s a PETITE light at the end of this tunnel. At least someone’s trying to help us out!!

Well, it’s official. We can’t get married until the Visa is complete. AND if I would have taken the lady at USCIS’ advice I would be headed to jail! ( Thanks, lady)

Plus of the day: I weighed myself this morning.. ( I couldn’t resist) I’m down a pound and a half in two days

Food for the day:

Brekie: 1/2 cup yogurt and a bran muffin, water
Snack: One small Grapfruit
Lunch: MEal replacment shake
Snack: 10 brazil nuts and 60 cal can of no sugar added peaches! AWESOME FIND!! They are by dole.
Dinner: Tomato soup with one tbsp of grated cheese and a ham sandwich.

Exercise: Denise Austin’s Cardio Blast (warm up, kick boxing, aheletic intervals and cool down)

I was feeling down all day.. mostly due to visa stuff.. but after the work out I felt a lot better. Did some reading, cleared my head nd found 3 possible solutions to our visa delima. Nothing is for certain yet, but I have a clearer head about it and that’s what I need right now.

Nik came home from work tonite with my day three surprise! Simpson’s Sorry boardgame! haha It was so fun to play!! I love this week of special treats.. he’s such a sweetie! ( even though I had to kick his ass at bowling to win this week of treats hahah)

Overall, it was  rouch day, but i’m glad that I didn’t resort to eating when I was down and did positive things with my frustrated energy. Here’s to a good tomorrow!

I will start with what I ate yesterday:
Brekie:Bran muffin, 3/4 cup yogurt w/Protein powder, water
Snack: Meal replacment shake
Lunch: 1 cup Healthy Selects Soup, 1 piece of 100% stone ground bread, water and an Orange
Dinner: 2 chicken, onion, pepper cabobs with 2 tbsp BBQ sauce, 3/4 cup long grain rice, orange water
Snack: 3/4 cup trail mix, water

Exercise: The Biggest Loser Cardio Max Dvd (Level 1)
I decided to try pumping it up just a BIT by using 2 one pound cans of soup  as weighs, since I don’t own any. Even that small difference added an extra burn to my workout! During the cool down, however, i started getting a bit dizzy. I’m not sure if ithad to do with the heat ( i didn’t turn the AC on ) or I was just having an off day. I couldn’t complete the whole cool down, but I think I made up for it with approx. 10 trips up and down the 4 flights of stairs down to my laundry room yesterday!

I have been feeling more myself since i’ve started going more steadily back into my eating/exercise regime. I don’t know why I ever slack, because I feel so much better when I don’t!! I don’t know what I can’t remember that sometimes when icecream is winking and waving me over!  I really think that writing in here will aid to what i have already created for myself. I caught myself looking at chocolate bars yesterday at the grocery store and then I thought to myself..’ but I will have to write it down!’ and I stopped myself. Yay for me haha

I was in an extra special good mood yesterday because I called USCIS about Nik and my visa status concerning getting married. The lady I talked to told me that we could get married and it was no problem and not to worry about the fiance visa we had filed. Well.. lng story short, she told me just what I wanted to hear, that Nik and I didn’t have to wait around and w could get married before he left for Iraq for sure. Well, I knew it seemed too good to be true. I got Nik to call the hotline again today and they told him that that was wrong, and what wear are doing is the right thing. It gets frustrating that there are so many silly rules. I’m Canadian and I happened to fall in love with an American. I love Canada, I don’t wanna leave my country, but Nik is in the Army, so I have no choice but to follow him. And immigration is making this soooo hard!!! I want to be married before he leaves for iraq at least.. preferably today! But that’s going to happen, so I will just visit him here in Kansas as much as I can until he leaves and hope for the best that the visa stuff will go through sooooon.  My hopes have been up and down SOOO many times!

So my mental health.. hehe.. I have been reading more in ‘ The power of now’ and decided that yesterday I would work on my focus. I have issues with focus. I tend to start a million things and never really fullyinvest in any of those things. I’m starting to focus and try to do my best and fully invest in everything I do, as meaningless as it seems, or as important as it seems.  Whether i’m typing on MSN or filling out important forms, it all counts and I need to invest fully in everything I do.
Since I have been thinking about my focus, I have caught myself even trailing off when i’m reading a book.. even when its a book I really enjoy.. i notice that I’m not consumming everyword. I’m working on it. I’m aware.. so I guess that’s the first step!

Oh,, Nik’s week of romantic treats is going strong. Monday I got a back rub and Tuesday I got a SWEET card just thanking me for being who I am and what not. It brought tears to my eyes! I can’t wait for today’s trinket!!
Now.. my sentiments.

Well.. as I mentioned before, there has been some slacking these past couple of weeks. I’m currently at 286.5 pounds and my goal this week is to lose 5 pounds. I will weigh myself next Monday and see if I did it!!

My vitamin regime everyday is as follows:
-One natural fat/carb nlocker 20 mins before eating breakfast, lunch and dinner
-One natural metabolism booster, 5-htp, evening primerose oil, 1/2 daily vitamin after breakfast
=5=htp after lunch
-5-htp and 1/2 daily vitamin after dinner

This morning I did the level 1 Biggest Loser Cardio Max Dvd.

Breakfast: Meal Replacment Shake
Snack: GI Diet Bran/raisin muffin and a bottle of water
Lunch: 2 egg whites with green pepper, red onion and tomato on 100% stone ground toast. One bottle of water. Orange.
Snack: 1 serving fat free, plain yogurt w/1tbls protien, flax and half a banana
Dinner: One serving lemon/dill salmon, oven roasted in tinfoil. 1/2 cup long grain rice and one can tomato soup with 1 tbls grated cheese. One bottle of water and an orange.

Since this is my first post on here, I thought I would give a little background info concerning where I started from and what I have been doing since.
On February 6th, 2008 I weighed 312 pounds.  This is the day that I began my lifestyle change and personal weightloss program. I frequented  healthfood and organic stores to get some insights as to where to start. I got some natural metabolism boosters, fat and carb blockers and the book, ‘The body sense Natural Diet’ by Lorna R. Vanderhaeghe. The book changed my life. It gave me the tools I needed mentally, emotionally and physically to get the ball rolling on healthy eating.  It made me look at healthy living in a different light.  I realized that in order to stop cravings, I need to keep my body satisfied hormonally throgh natural vitamins and supplements that my body had been lacking for so long. Even just with this first change, excersize and eating aside, I began to feel more alive and healthy. I learned what hormones make me crave what bad foods and fullfilled those little monsters with supplements INSTEAD of cinnamin buns and bread and sugar!
I picked up a couple workout DVDs at Wallmart. My favorite being ‘The Biggest Loser Cardio MAx’ DVD which I can’t get enough of. It kills me during the process but as soon as it’s over I miss Bob’s lovely voice motivating me to do one more of those damn burpie like intervals! I also picked up Denise Austin’s Cardio Blast Dvd which I really enjoy too. It has more fluid movements and more choreography which is kinda fun! Those are my top two so far and after 2 and a half months I still enjoy popping them in the VCR. Not bored yet at least!
I have been eating 5 meals a day, including protien in every meal and swearing by FLAX! It seems like the miracle seed.. helping stop breast cancer cells, which runs in my family, and giving me all those essential fats I need!
As of today, April 21, 2008 I am at 286.5 pounds and counting.
Throughout the end of March and April I have slacked. I know I could have done MUCH better. Although I have been slacking I am really proud of myself thus far and have started this blog to help me stay accountable for my actions!! I have relaized how hard it is to stay on track when my life is up in the air. I have spent the last few weeks moving to Kansas from Canada with Nik, my fiance. Now that we were somewhat settled, i’m back in action, hardcore style.. and pumped to do so!
Another area of my life that is JUST as important as being physically healthy is my mental health. I have piles of books that have helped me to get my insides in the right place spiritually and feel a million times better because of them! The books that I often go back to and refer to are as follows, ‘The way of the Peaceful Warrior’ by Dan millman and ‘ The Power of Now’ by Ekhart Tolle. THese boosk have provided me with a platform from which to grow and work towards becoming a better, happier person and learning to JUST BE! ( the key to life, i swear!)
Anyway.. that’s a rough outline of my life these past few months. I will be recorded my food intake and excersize regime along with my feelings about it all on here.  I MUST KEEP ACCOUNTABLE!