Losing Me!

I deleted a lot on my diet blogs posts last night. I felt like it was clutter in my mind. I really love all the new bells and whistles on the diet blog. When I really think about it, I am always thinking 24/7 about losing weight.  In this diet blog, I can organize my thoughts.  Sometimes I wonder if I am wasting my time but I think it is good.  I would be happier if I had more success.

Basically, I am not giving up. Now that school has begun, I must find more time to diet.  I am going to try hard this week to exercise 4 times this week and I want to eat less.  I want to lose some real weight.

I am pretty excited that I walked 2 nights in a row. One of my daughters walked with me and motivated me. I can’t really pat myself on the back because I would have skipped it one night. The second evening, she noticed that I walked up the hill easier and my breathing was less. Hmm? She was right. Just small things can make a difference I told her that and I do know that. It tickles me that I still forget that at times.

I read something recently in black and white print…the Sunday paper I believe. Yes carbonated soda like diet coke, can weaken your bones!!! As a broken bone survivor in 2007 (broken left ankle and leg with a plate and screws), I have sworn away diet coke for life! I may have one when I have a special meal out but otherwise, it is tea or water. I drank a lot of diet soda over the years. I figured if I did not drink as much as a lab rat, I would not have bad side effects. I never thought my bones would weaken. Yikes!!!

I am slowly learning a few things in life: small things can make a difference. I also see that too much of a good thing is not good for either.

What a great vacation (We saw Washington DC for the first time with our kids and Florida) . I really enjoyed time with my kids and my parents. I certainly enjoyed some great meals as well. We do love to visit family at the beach and dine at our local favorites…gyros, seared tuna, calzones, soft serve ice cream, family meals, sushi and Chinese foods. I was better by sharing meals with my kid’s and stayed away from fried foods. I drank more water and little diet coke.  To off set the auto gas expenses, I told the 5 kids to drink only water when we went out and that helped.  So I gained 5 pounds which is ok with me. The added weight over the past 7 years is not good with me.

I was excited to see extended family in Florida. Once I got there, I was embarrassed by the weight. I had hoped I could shed some weight before I saw them. One sister in law has ballooned with excess weight but no one said anything. No one asked how I was doing really. I felt alone and uncomfortable. I rarely drink and they all drink and know each other so well. I felt out of place. Then I realized…I have lost my friends this past few years as I drive here and there and taxed on my family’s needs.

Once Scooter goes to kindergarten things have to be better. My friends all have hobbies, exercise, go out with each other and I am finding myself alone. My husband is another story…he is always working. I don’t even like to see him most of the time. He is not interested in my problems. I would communicate my feelings more but I am so overweight and so overwhelmed. In my mind, I don’t deserve it. My inner voice says…you are special and important. Then my stroke really inhibits me and it is hard to remember names and pick up conversations so I don’t make friends easily. Most of the time I cannot even dwell on my feelings…must drive on to chores and meals!

Yeah I really needed a  vacation but now I ease into reality!

breakfast: vanilla yogurt, frozen berries, coffee, milk

lunch: wheat sandwich with pb and marshmallow creme

snack: banana

dinner: